Impatient

[krissymc]

I just wondered if anyone has any advice for me? my mum has vascular dementia she is has been in CH for a year now. We go to visit her every weekend, fortunately she does recognise me, doesn't say hello, but has soon has she sees me, she jumps up and says right lets get out of here. No matter where we take her within 5 mins she gets bored and wants to go back. Iv tried everything, taking her to see the grandkids,(her great grandkids) but she frightens them, until recently we used to take her to the cafe, she was happy with a cup of tea and cream cake, but sunday when we took her within 2 mins of sitting down she had stuffed all her cake in her mouth and drank her boiling hot tea and was demanding that we go home. When I told her to wait till we had finished , she was like a spoilt child, pushed her chair back and sulked, then jumped up, shouting and storming off, was very embarrassing to say the least. Im get very frustrated with her I dont seem to be able to do anything right at all. Is the Impatience a sigh of the illness?

 

[loveahug]

This seems a very regular thing with sufferers. As they constantly struggle with keeping track of time because of the eroded short term memory they always want to go 'home' ie the place where they feel safest. Sometimes home is their childhood home and with others it is just where there is a sense of safety. If mum really doesn't remember visits and outings and doesn't seem to derive much pleasure from them it might be kindest to just walk her around the garden or take in a favourite cake or something. It's understandable that you would want to continue to give her some pleasure but sometimes we do these things for our own peace of mind that we did our best but, sadly, your mum's appreciation may be so very limited.

This is such a sad progression and so cruel.

BIG HUGS

 

[krissymc]

thanks for the reply love hug. I have tried not taking her out but she is the one who insist that we take her out, last time we had no car, I took her chocolates, tried to get her to sit in the back garden( they dont have front garden) but she has terrible tantrums, throws everything back at me, tells me to go home and takes to her bed. The carers tell me she is no problem when Im not there and never asks or tries to get out. Its very upsetting for me because I feel I unsettle her, really dont no what to do for the best.

 

[loveahug]

aww stuck between a rock and a hard place, it's the worst. Methinks you'll either have to just turn around and walk away from her if she starts at you in the CH or just take her straight back if she kicks off when you're out, it means going with her flow instead.

I've got nothing else to suggest just sending you lots of loving vibes x

 

[zelana]

Maybe you're trying too hard to find something to interest her for more than a few minutes. Is there a park nearby where you could take her in the car and just walk or sit until she's had enough?

 

[krissymc]

We did try taking her to the park a few weeks ago when the weather was glorious, packed a picnic, but that didnt work, she complained all the time till we took her back. The only thing that seems to work is driving around in the car looking at places she used to visit and she points to them. Another problem arose yesterday, her sister has died, she has been ill for a while, we took my mum to visit her a couple of weeks ago, she lost interest within 10 mins, what do I do now, tell her, take her to the funeral, not sure I could risk this she would cause a scene in the church. The problem is distant family, in laws, cousins etc they just dont understand how stressed she gets and they think she should go. I just cant do anything right at the moments.

 

[1954]

My MIL is the same so I can only empathise with you. Its awful when you take them out and it just ruins the occasion. One can't drive around all day just think of the cost! My MIL would love us to drive us around all day......I agree with the others walk away when she starts on you

Sending you hugs x