The first half of today was very good. I felt cheerful for the first time in ages. Went to see my psychiatrist and he made me feel really positive. He said I didn't need more pills for my depression and anxiety and panic disorder. However, he said my 3-day headaches were due to stress, probably due to my parents' situation, and he gave me some more pills, strong tranx, for them. Then met a friend and had a nice lunch.
Then it changed. Got home to find a message from my close friend's wife. Close friend has been in a coma for 10 days and was starting to recover. She tells me he died unexpectedly this afternoon. I am in complete shock. When I heard the news my legs literally gave way under me like you see in old films. I helped her contact people before anyone put one of those RIP messages on Facebook without thinking b/c we didn't want his close friends to find out from FB.
Evening comes and I have to contact mum and dad on Skype as usual. I tell mum what has happened. Mum says oh, that's terrible, but then starts the same rant as always about how bad my father is, how much she hates looking after him, how she knows he's ill and can't help it, but how she hates "the evil *******", and she knows it's only a matter of time before she drops dead of a heart attack, etc. etc.
I was sitting there with my face buried in my hands, which she can see, but she just went on and on and ****ing on until I thought I was going to go mad. She knew how upset I was about my friend and how shocked. She knows that I am suffering from clinical depression, etc. and on a ****load of pills, but she just went on. I honestly think she is more demented than my dad. Dad came on and today he was "the other guy". Angry, rude. He isn't usually like that with me. He was quite lucid and said he was so stressed from mum. We sang the song he likes. He went off.
Mum comes back on and starts yet again with the ranting, so I said to her very loudly (because you have to shout to get her to break her monologue) that she had choices, she could have had help, but she had rejected it. So she had better make her choice - carry on as now and accept that she has chosen to look after him alone, or accept help/ the care home. She could see I was about to lose it, that I was on the edge of sanity myself, and that somehow miraculously connected. But for a moment there I thought I was going totally mad.
God, WHEN WILL THIS END?
I would go ****ing mental if I couldn't post on here. I have to try and get some sleep now and will probably have to start helping organise a funeral tomorrow. Then I have those two nuts to look forward to tomorrow evening.
Thanks for reading this far. Hope your day isn't as **** as mine has been.
LS
Then it changed. Got home to find a message from my close friend's wife. Close friend has been in a coma for 10 days and was starting to recover. She tells me he died unexpectedly this afternoon. I am in complete shock. When I heard the news my legs literally gave way under me like you see in old films. I helped her contact people before anyone put one of those RIP messages on Facebook without thinking b/c we didn't want his close friends to find out from FB.
Evening comes and I have to contact mum and dad on Skype as usual. I tell mum what has happened. Mum says oh, that's terrible, but then starts the same rant as always about how bad my father is, how much she hates looking after him, how she knows he's ill and can't help it, but how she hates "the evil *******", and she knows it's only a matter of time before she drops dead of a heart attack, etc. etc.
I was sitting there with my face buried in my hands, which she can see, but she just went on and on and ****ing on until I thought I was going to go mad. She knew how upset I was about my friend and how shocked. She knows that I am suffering from clinical depression, etc. and on a ****load of pills, but she just went on. I honestly think she is more demented than my dad. Dad came on and today he was "the other guy". Angry, rude. He isn't usually like that with me. He was quite lucid and said he was so stressed from mum. We sang the song he likes. He went off.
Mum comes back on and starts yet again with the ranting, so I said to her very loudly (because you have to shout to get her to break her monologue) that she had choices, she could have had help, but she had rejected it. So she had better make her choice - carry on as now and accept that she has chosen to look after him alone, or accept help/ the care home. She could see I was about to lose it, that I was on the edge of sanity myself, and that somehow miraculously connected. But for a moment there I thought I was going totally mad.
God, WHEN WILL THIS END?
I would go ****ing mental if I couldn't post on here. I have to try and get some sleep now and will probably have to start helping organise a funeral tomorrow. Then I have those two nuts to look forward to tomorrow evening.
Thanks for reading this far. Hope your day isn't as **** as mine has been.
LS