I do try to be patient and always look for the humour. Just a bit thin on patience after being up twice in the night😃
I'm struggling to remain strong
- Thread starter AussieLady
- Start date
Oh, if only it was only twice in the night. This week has been at least five times per night after which I lose count.
Yes I never thought about it but yes that is what it is like in our house - it's draining isn't it.
I understand yourpain . I have a friend who is in and out of bed all night with her husband I and see her tiredness and and how it is starting to affect her health. X
Hi @AussieLady
My heart goes out to you. Full time sole carer for your OH - it's the hardest job you'll ever do.
As you know, none of us has chosen this. I, personally, don't feel I can ever walk away. My Oh needs me now more than ever, and these dark days are much worse for her, even though she no longer knows this.
I've no idea how long this will go on e for; I've only been doing this for 7 years, and we reached the stage where my OH can't do anything. She can't handle cutlery, she can't read, she can't talk properly, etc. She's forgotten how to walk. We can't go anywhere. We're v fortunate that we did a great deal of travelling earlier in our lives. My OH can no longer bear weight, and hasn't been out of bed or chair since July 2022.
Yes, as you said, the biggest thing is not being able to talk to each other - no chitchat, no asking or telling opinions, no arguments or debates. W live together apart. It's v lonely.
I keep in touch with family, friends, etc as one aways needs some adult conversation. I do get some respite and this is absolutely vital. I have lady trained in dealing with dementia patients who comes to be with my Oh for 3 hours on a Weds morning, and one of my sons comes on a Thursday evening so I can go a play bridge. I'll book another full day out soon and my other son will take tie off work to be with his mum, My daughter comes to stay for a couple of days every six weeks or so, to check up on me I think. She's 250 miles away. Thank G for phones, emails, zoom meetings etc.
Stay strong if you can. You have to try and reach acceptance. My life has inevitably become my OH's life. As they say, if you're going through hell, keep going.
Best wishes. I sent virtual hugs.
My heart goes out to you. Full time sole carer for your OH - it's the hardest job you'll ever do.
As you know, none of us has chosen this. I, personally, don't feel I can ever walk away. My Oh needs me now more than ever, and these dark days are much worse for her, even though she no longer knows this.
I've no idea how long this will go on e for; I've only been doing this for 7 years, and we reached the stage where my OH can't do anything. She can't handle cutlery, she can't read, she can't talk properly, etc. She's forgotten how to walk. We can't go anywhere. We're v fortunate that we did a great deal of travelling earlier in our lives. My OH can no longer bear weight, and hasn't been out of bed or chair since July 2022.
Yes, as you said, the biggest thing is not being able to talk to each other - no chitchat, no asking or telling opinions, no arguments or debates. W live together apart. It's v lonely.
I keep in touch with family, friends, etc as one aways needs some adult conversation. I do get some respite and this is absolutely vital. I have lady trained in dealing with dementia patients who comes to be with my Oh for 3 hours on a Weds morning, and one of my sons comes on a Thursday evening so I can go a play bridge. I'll book another full day out soon and my other son will take tie off work to be with his mum, My daughter comes to stay for a couple of days every six weeks or so, to check up on me I think. She's 250 miles away. Thank G for phones, emails, zoom meetings etc.
Stay strong if you can. You have to try and reach acceptance. My life has inevitably become my OH's life. As they say, if you're going through hell, keep going.
Best wishes. I sent virtual hugs.
I have read all of these posts and can empathise with them all.
My husband is 91, and I am 77. I say to all my friends who ask how he is and his family.
‘He is great’ and think he is considering he was diagnosed 5 years ago.
This weekend I am tired as had a week of house and garden maintenance taking place.
He looks after himself as long as I lay our clothes, and remind him to have a shower. I can leave him easily to go errands etc and have short meet ups with friends.
It is the companionship and support I miss. He goes along with my decisions, but it is not the same.
We have waited a while for a holiday, as he is mainly happy being at home nowadays. Less than 4 weeks to a lovely cruise - can’t wait and fingers crossed no hiccups beforehand.
I am grateful my life is basically okay, and hate griping, but helps to vent a little.
Welcome sorry you need this site.
I am also from the US. Nursing home cost was also my biggest fear. When it comes to paying unless you are a millionaire at some point you will run out of money. Your loved one will then need to go on Medicaid. You need to see an Elder Law Attorney now. Every state has different laws regarding Medicaid eligibility. Elder Law Attorneys specialize in those laws. Do not see a regular attorney. The ELA will help you set up your money so you won’t be left penniless. A consultation will cost around $500 and to set everything up will cost around $3,000 - $5000. It sounds like a lot but it’s less than one month of nursing home care.
Here is a link for Medicaid eligibility- https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-eligibility-missouri/
The majority of people on this site are from the UK but everyone is welcome and I prefer this site because of the compassion and great advice I get here. There is another message board where the majority of people are from the US. They will be able to help with advice on financial things.
Here is the link for the US message board:
Caring For a Spouse or Partner
alzconnected.org
