im sacred about my granddad

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by essie17, Nov 7, 2015.

  1. essie17

    essie17 Registered User

    Nov 7, 2015
    3
    truro
    my granddad has dementia. he has had it for a few years now (since i was 14, im now 17). recently i went to visit him at the care home with my dad and he started asking who i was and saying for me to leave cause he didn't know me. it really upsets me that he is forgetting who i am. is there anything i can do to help him remember me again.
     
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,662
    Salford
    Hi Essie, welcome to TP
    May people experience what's happening to you and I can understand how you feel, my wife doesn't recognise me sometime and we live in the same house.
    I have some picture of us both together wedding pictures, parties and holidays and the like I show her one of those to remind her who we both are, it seems to work.
    As soon as you get there say "hello Granddad it's me Essie" that my help him remember rather than trying to figure out for himself who you are.
    I'm sure you'll get plenty more suggestions.
    K
     
  3. essie17

    essie17 Registered User

    Nov 7, 2015
    3
    truro
    thankyou. i will try that next time i visit.
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,397
    Yorkshire
    Hi essie17
    It's lovely that you care so much and want to visit your granddad, not all grandchildren are so understanding and can cope with visiting.
    Kevini's offered you good ideas - may I also suggest that your dad 'introduces' you too, so that your granddad gets to hear from him that you are part of the family. It becomes routine to do this quite quickly, just so your granddad isn't surprised by something he's not sure of.
    It hits us hard when this happens, but you seem mature enough to realise that it's not personal, he doesn't want to be nasty to you. I'm sure you will understand and just leave without a fuss, Then, if I were you, I'd try again a few minutes later - just go back in say hi to your dad and have him respond so granddad gets that you are together and then say 'hello grandad' or however you usually greet him. Maybe then just sit quietly with them so granddad feels safe and later try showing him a photo of you both and telling him the memory around it (don't ask him if he remembers, tell him something he can join in with if he does recall it).
    I'm so impressed that you have not been put off visiting - and glad you have found TP; welcome.
     
  5. essie17

    essie17 Registered User

    Nov 7, 2015
    3
    truro
    thankyou :) i get he cant help it but its just really hard for me to see and try to deal with.
     
  6. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,662
    Salford
    Having had some time to think this one through a couple more things, he's probably used to a lot of different (mainly) women turning up at various times of the day with; food, cups of tea, medication or whatever so don't dress like the staff, if they all wear blue or white go in red or yellow, dress like you don't belong in the home, like you're from the outside world.
    In his head you probably are still there but it may be as a 12 year old, consider in that time how much you have changed, I'm not suggesting you go in a school uniform with pigtails but he may remember you as what you were like not what you're like now, taller, different hair any number of ways you're not the person he remembers as "little Essie" just out of primary school.
    As we say on here "you have to live in their world, because they can't live in ours" and in his world you're still probably a little girl not what you've grown up to be.
    K
     

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