Gosh, here i am again. this time last year i was painting my house with a passion to get out of my dementia caring routine. I now have been in a care home for 6 months and have just landed another job and am excited and gutted. How the heck can i leave my folk that i care for. I went to the home to tell the manager there will be a phone call for a reference and i then went to the sitting room and my heart MELTED. I have taken these people into my heart, i thought i'd bombed the interview because i don't really know how i come across. The nurses today when i told them i was leaving were gutted and i thought "what am i like". I don't know. I phoned my old boss from years ago and said you will get a call for a reference and he said i'm not surprised. I said what am i and he said "you are you". I watched terry pratchett in awe and said to husband couldn't do that and i hope terry doesn't either but was in awe of that couple who found the strength. Last week before my holiday a daughter was in the home bragging to her partner that i was a sole carer to my mum and kept her till she died - that same lady had to watch her mum die in the home - who's the bravest, i so think her because i could not have lost my mum in public. I think i am mixed up, sad, excited gosh whatever, I just think i am an ex dementia/alzheimers carer who wants to do the best i can whatever that is. Please put a kind thought up for me cause right now i need it, i think i'll just have to cuddle my folk more before i have to leave them. X How sad is that line because reading it it is ripping my heart. X