I have just recently started to care for my mother in law who has early onset dementia. My husband very much wants to do every thing for her and I think w e should be encouraging her to use her brain. What do you think?
Hi Kiro, I agree with what others have said. I was given some great advice when I first joined TP, not so long ago, which in essence is to keep calm, keep my MIL calm by letting her do as much as she wants or feels able to, go with the flow, and not to beat myself up if something doesn't work perfectly! For example, my MIL continues to wash clothes but doesn't separate them out - at the moment it's no big deal. If she offers to help at mealtimes, I try to get her to do one small job, such as laying the table. Yes, we sometimes get 9 knives and 1 fork, but I just quietly put the right cutlery out, and most importantly, I avoid correcting her, otherwise she can get very upset. It's hard, but I'm just about getting used to it!
The only thing I would urge you to do is to make sure she is as safe as can be, especially if you cannot be there 24/7 to keep an eye on her. How safe is safe? It is a judgement call at the end of the day. There are some measures you can take though, such as getting a personal home alarm set up, linked to fire sensors (our local council did a good deal on this). As my MIL's abilities have deteriorated, my family has assumed more control. We now do most of her food shopping and preparation of meals, but we still give her small amounts of cash, so she can buy things like bread and milk from a local shop. Recently, after much agonising, we disabled her car to stop her driving it - she was absolutely not safe on the road any more. Again, we did this behind her back, to avoid a confrontation. She just thinks the car is 'broken', and as time has gone on, she has almost forgotten about it. The car is about to be sold, by the way!
I hope this helps - keep posting if you have any more questions.
Take care. xxx