Hi Kiro, I agree with what others have said. I was given some great advice when I first joined TP, not so long ago, which in essence is to keep calm, keep my MIL calm by letting her do as much as she wants or feels able to, go with the flow, and not to beat myself up if something doesn't work perfectly! For example, my MIL continues to wash clothes but doesn't separate them out - at the moment it's no big deal. If she offers to help at mealtimes, I try to get her to do one small job, such as laying the table. Yes, we sometimes get 9 knives and 1 fork, but I just quietly put the right cutlery out, and most importantly, I avoid correcting her, otherwise she can get very upset. It's hard, but I'm just about getting used to it!I have just recently started to care for my mother in law who has early onset dementia. My husband very much wants to do every thing for her and I think w e should be encouraging her to use her brain. What do you think?
We were at a support group run by the Memory Clinic yesterday & the nurse talked about this. I made a note of what she said:I have just recently started to care for my mother in law who has early onset dementia. My husband very much wants to do every thing for her and I think w e should be encouraging her to use her brain. What do you think?
Well said witzend. Many well meaning people who advise this and that have not had the hands on 24/7 experience of trying to achieve the impossible. It is a sad reality that as dementia progresses, us carers have to accept that our loved ones need us to act for them.The trouble is, when it comes to dementia, doing things 'with' can mean taking ages to do something you could do very quickly - or else having to do it again later.
Such advice is all very well, but I have often thought that some of the advice re dementia care assumes that carers have both infinite time AND infinite patience. And it can make carers who don't have unlimited amounts of either feel inadequate.
As for encouraging someone to use their brain, again that is all very well and good, but sadly there often comes a time when you have to accept that the ability to do X or Y is lost - even when it's something they could do standing on their heads before - and no amount of encouragement is going to bring it back.