1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,572
    Kent
    I`m not usually one who says `if only` but................

    This morning`s radio phone in is asking for people to ask for nostalgic songs to be played in memory of past holidays.

    Of course many who phone are elderly and one man was talking about the song which means so much to him and his wife because it was playing when they first met.

    They have been married for 56 years, in 1963, the same as us.

    It caused just a little ` if only` for me. :(

    It really is best to try to live in the moment.
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
    Im sorry Sylvia.

    My OH is only 63 and Im already at the stage of having to shower him. I see friends who are both still working and going on holidays, looking after their grandchildren and planning their retirements. It is hard not to feel envious.
    I think that "if only" moment is inevitable - and songs are so evocative.
     
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,590
    Female
    Dundee
    I totally understand Sylvia., No matter how hard I try I have these ‘if only’ moments all the time - especially when I see a couple around my age walking hand in hand.

    I do try to live in the moment and mostly I do - but not always.
     
  4. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,403
    leicester
    I’m having a spate of what if’s while at the caravan on my own!
    Quite a few leaky eye moments..
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,572
    Kent
    I knew people here would understand. It`s not something we can discuss with others.

    @canary. It`s an even bigger `if only` for you. xx At least we had some retirement pleasures under our belts.
     
  6. KeddyL

    KeddyL Registered User

    Jun 8, 2014
    19
    Aw I'm so sorry so very vert true though. I have lots of those moments recently. My mum died 4weeks before I gave birth to my daughter aged 57 (i'm 27) to advanced alzheimers and my grandma the same, the day I had my daughter. I always wish 'if only I could of got 1 photo of my mum and daughter together'. 'If only she surived a few more weeks'.

    Memories will forever live on. All our loved ones have taken their journey and guiding us each day (makes me feel abit better thinking that)

    Take care, all the very best xxx
     
  7. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    1,425
    Female
    East Coast of Australia
    Today is the seventh anniversary of Ray's death so I am having a lot of "if only" moments. I can cope on my own now but sometimes yearn for the days before the strokes, seizures etc that took him from me.
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,572
    Kent
    Sending love,Sue. @sunray. I can`t believe it`s 7 years. xx
     
  9. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    792
    Male
    Newcastle
    I'm not in the same position as @Grannie G and others yet as my wife is still alive (somewhere inside) but maybe there is room for a forum post or two about 'In the midst of dementia - dealing with loss'. It is a different kind of loss but a loss nevertheless.
     
  10. Linton

    Linton Registered User

    Jul 27, 2019
    104
    Hi northumbrian_k.. Every now and again I get glimpses of my OH as he used to be... Its like a kick in the stomach.. Cos it dissapperes in a flash.. I generally try not to remember how our lives used to be.. Just deal with the here and now.. It is a loss.. A bereavement in slow motion and as such devastating.. There are lots of us going through it who know just how you feel... Be strong xxx
     

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