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If only................

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
I`m not usually one who says `if only` but................

This morning`s radio phone in is asking for people to ask for nostalgic songs to be played in memory of past holidays.

Of course many who phone are elderly and one man was talking about the song which means so much to him and his wife because it was playing when they first met.

They have been married for 56 years, in 1963, the same as us.

It caused just a little ` if only` for me. :(

It really is best to try to live in the moment.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Im sorry Sylvia.

My OH is only 63 and Im already at the stage of having to shower him. I see friends who are both still working and going on holidays, looking after their grandchildren and planning their retirements. It is hard not to feel envious.
I think that "if only" moment is inevitable - and songs are so evocative.


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
I totally understand Sylvia., No matter how hard I try I have these ‘if only’ moments all the time - especially when I see a couple around my age walking hand in hand.

I do try to live in the moment and mostly I do - but not always.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
I knew people here would understand. It`s not something we can discuss with others.

@canary. It`s an even bigger `if only` for you. xx At least we had some retirement pleasures under our belts.


Registered User
Jun 8, 2014
Aw I'm so sorry so very vert true though. I have lots of those moments recently. My mum died 4weeks before I gave birth to my daughter aged 57 (i'm 27) to advanced alzheimers and my grandma the same, the day I had my daughter. I always wish 'if only I could of got 1 photo of my mum and daughter together'. 'If only she surived a few more weeks'.

Memories will forever live on. All our loved ones have taken their journey and guiding us each day (makes me feel abit better thinking that)

Take care, all the very best xxx


Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
East Coast of Australia
Today is the seventh anniversary of Ray's death so I am having a lot of "if only" moments. I can cope on my own now but sometimes yearn for the days before the strokes, seizures etc that took him from me.


Registered User
Mar 2, 2017
I'm not in the same position as @Grannie G and others yet as my wife is still alive (somewhere inside) but maybe there is room for a forum post or two about 'In the midst of dementia - dealing with loss'. It is a different kind of loss but a loss nevertheless.


Registered User
Jul 27, 2019
Hi northumbrian_k.. Every now and again I get glimpses of my OH as he used to be... Its like a kick in the stomach.. Cos it dissapperes in a flash.. I generally try not to remember how our lives used to be.. Just deal with the here and now.. It is a loss.. A bereavement in slow motion and as such devastating.. There are lots of us going through it who know just how you feel... Be strong xxx