I'm doing ok. Too well I think. Barely any tears, not much sadness. I've made all the arrangements for dads funeral. Chosen music, readings and photographs for the slideshow. Ordered floral tributes. Written my personal eulogy. I wonder if the fact I'd given dad permission to go, and felt I was ready to let go, is helping. I was more upset during the last months and weeks and days. The thought of never seeing it touching dad again is worse than the reality so far. So I was going to go to work today but I've been surrounded by people for weeks. I can't recall the last time I was alone. So I'm going to do that today. I may go sit with dad. We've asked for a closed casket, none of us need to see dad again. But I'd like to go talk to him. I've managed to start eating a little again, and slowed down my alcohol consumption! I need a clear head. I feel kind of robotic, like I'm on autopilot. And this scares me. Because when's it going to hit me? Anyway. Here's my wonderful daddy. I'm going to miss this smile every day of my life.