I still can't believe I've reached this page

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Dimelza, Feb 1, 2016.

  1. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,967
    Enfield
    Hope all goes smoothly for you today. Love and hugs M xxx:)
     
  2. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,967
    Enfield
    So sorry to hear of your losses, Chantilly. It gets a little easier with the passing of time. Lost my Mam 16years ago, sometimes it seems only a short while ago, but, I really miss her, still.
    Sending much love and hugs to you. M xxx :)
     
  3. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,967
    Enfield
    Hi Kerry
    Hope everything went ok for you all last Friday. Hope Hubby and mil are ok.

    Love M xxx :)
     
  4. Dimelza

    Dimelza Registered User

    May 28, 2013
    130
    Such kind and wise words again, this really is such a magical place.
    Well, dad had the most wonderful send off, 125 people were there! Wow! So many from years ago as well as more recent friends.
    I managed the eulogy with just a few deep breaths and a couple of people asked to read it afterwards as it made them too emotional to concentrate.
    All in all, a truly wonderful day, it seemed almost wrong to say it's been a lovely day but it really was and one dad would've enjoyed ☺️
     
  5. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,654
    Hampshire
    Good to see your positive comments Dimelza, I have been thinking of you today and wondering how everything went. Hope you can get some sleep. Take care xx
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,265
    Female
    Dundee
    Well done! I'm glad it all went well for you.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  7. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,034
    Female
    Chester
    Well done for getting through it. Must have been hard to hold back the tears
     
  8. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,747
    Yorkshire
    Hi Dimelza
    What a wonderful tribute to your dad - I'm glad all went well
    I hope you had a good sleep and will now have time to breath and relax and grieve as is right for you
    best wishes
     
  9. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Well done Dimelza. :) I'm so glad you found solace in the day. After John died, I used to "talk" to him, silently, in my mind, but now I just chat to where I think he would be sitting in the room. :) He said your Dad thought you did a brilliant job, and they all had front row seats, watching from "up there". There's no Alzheimer's in Heaven.

    I don't know how I managed to give John's Eulogy, but it was the last thing I could do for him, and he'd asked me to, years ago, after he heard me give one for someone else. But whether the bereaved actually say the words, or think them in their hearts, our loved ones know.

    May you find the strength to get through the days ahead. xxx
     
  10. Mal2

    Mal2 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    2,967
    Enfield
    Dimelza. So glad everything went well for you, well done with your eulogy. What an honour to your Dad, for 125 people to attend. Lovely support for you. Love & Hugs M xxx :)
     
  11. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,478
    Ireland
    Not wrong at all, Dimelza. You gave your dad one last gift, a lovely gathering of friends and family that they can remember, even though there was the sorrow of losing him, also as a time of happiness in remembrance of him and celebrating his life. William's funeral was the same, just as he wanted - reflecting what he believed to be his triumph over his illness. As Scarlett said, no dementia in heaven.
    Well done Dimelza.
     
  12. Dimelza

    Dimelza Registered User

    May 28, 2013
    130
    Hi again
    Feeling very odd today, tearful, snappy, irritable. My family aren't helping much by bickering and arguing and sulking and ignoring the fact I need a bit of calm and tlc.
    Would like to clear off to bath and early night but my mums travels home tomorrow so I can't really abandon her tonight.
     
  13. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    It's the "come down", after the funeral, Sweetie. You get yourself so geared up, that I the end, cometh The Day, you're running on adrenalin. Every bit of you wants to get the day right, and worthy of the person that you're grieving for, and that's been your focus - and then it's over.

    Possibly your family are feeling it all too, and everyone is different and expresses their grief in their own way. How's your Mum? Will she be going home to an empty home, or does she have someone else there? xxx
     
  14. Dimelza

    Dimelza Registered User

    May 28, 2013
    130
    Sorry Scarlett I went back to work and then it's been half term for my youngest two do I disappeared!
    Mum left dad 22 years ago and moved 200 miles away. She has a partner but they don't live together however they've gone off on a 10 week cruise now so I think she'll be ok...
    I'm feeling most odd. It's almost a month since dad died and still no tears. Little sadness. I've felt very anxious this week but had taken my son (10) and youngest daughter (13) away to stay at mums as she's away. Not sure if that helped, was nice to lounge about spending time with them but think adult company was amiss.
    Feel better for being home but still not right.
    I could do with some time out I think, as I feel fine at home but a little agoraphobic and going out is hard. But I work full time and a member of my small team has just gone off sick for a month so no chance of rest!!
     
  15. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Everything will come in its own time, I expect, and that includes both tears and laughter. Sometimes a song, or a film, may evoke a long-forgotten memory, and you'll sob or laugh. xxx
     
  16. Shazedge

    Shazedge Registered User

    Nov 11, 2015
    27
    #36 Shazedge, Feb 23, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2016
    Hi Dimelza
    I haven't been on here for ages and just wanted to say I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
    It really is the most surreal time and although my dad passed literally days before Xmas, there are some days when I struggle... There is definitely no wrong or right way to grieve and it most definitely is a personal thing. I went back to work within a day of dad passing but my sisters both struggled and had quite a bit of time off... For me to try and get back to a degree of "normality" helped. Don't get me wrong I still had and still do have "down and difficult" days but it's what was and is right for me. Grief is such a weird thing and whilst we have this idea of what we think we will be like when "it" finally happens, in truth none of us know. Even at my dads funeral I wasn't sobbing like my sisters, it was sad and oh how I miss him but I just couldn't seem to cry, not in the same way. Like you I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn't reacting in the way I thought I would or should have been.
    I still miss him terribly and inside my heart does feel broken and still suffer with a degree of insomnia ( which is why I'm on here now and have been awake since 2.30 am).
    But overall I am relieved that my dad ia free from pain and suffering... Sending you lots of love and best wishes for the days / weeks / months ahead X X X X
    SE
     
  17. overwhelmed1

    overwhelmed1 Registered User

    Dec 7, 2013
    74
    Chester
    Same

    My father passed away (alzheimers/lewy bodies-who knows? just awful) Christmas Eve and most of the time since I have just got on with things. Some nights if I start thinking about the past 5 years I start crying and can't stop for hours but overall, I am still in shock I think.

    I am in shock that my dad had to go through so much and that the 5 years went by so quickly and yet I am also relived he is now at peace.

    I will miss him for the rest of my life as I know you understand.

    Take care of yourself xxx
     

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