1. Loiner

    Loiner Registered User

    Oct 29, 2005
    73
    Leeds, UK
    Hi all,
    OK, bear with me, had a real, well I'd call it kicking this afternoon.

    The CPN rang and asked to come and see me, I thought about how I was doing under such stress as he said originally he was here for us both.
    How naive I was.

    Now, the first thing I have to state is that my house is a mess and needs a good clean. Since I was ill a while back it slipped away from me, but I've engaged one of the home helps to come clean it up and come occationally to keep it clean and the CPN knows this.
    He came today and said he'd been talking to mums ward, they said her skin on her backside was in a right state, and questioned how i'd let her get like that.
    I know the district nurse will say it was fine, it was, the only thing I can think of is spending all that time on a hard hospital trolley.
    The second thing is because the house needs cleaning, they are saying I could of caused mum to be ill......
    They are also considering declaring me unfit to look after mum, and putting her in a home.

    To say this came as a shock is an understatement, he said I am sorry if it seems harsh, I replied you sure know how to kick someone when they are down, and asked him to leave.
    After he had gone I went and threw up, never been shocked like that before.
    I am being treated for stress but they have no right to treat me like this!
    It makes u feel worthless.
    I am still cold and shaking, but I wanted to know if anyone know of what my legal options are, because I DO NOT like to be told mum has to go into a home

    hugs
    David
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi David
    I think your best bet would be, as a first course of action, to call the Alzheimer's Help Line.

    Sounds a wee bit to me as if they are fearful of action because they caused her damage, so are trying to shift the blame on to you.

    Do call the Help Line.
     
  3. Loiner

    Loiner Registered User

    Oct 29, 2005
    73
    Leeds, UK
    I will do tomorrow, called my bro, and he's all, they're only professionals doing thier job, sometimes family aint family

    hugs
    David
     
  4. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    David
    good advice from Bruce.
    In addition speak to PALS (patient and advice liaison service) at the hospital,you will see posters and phone numbers on display
    Norman
     
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    David, am shocked for you, don't know what to say. We all know how hard you have tried to do your absolute best for your mum. Big hug, Connie
     
  6. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    What a sh**ty thing to do!

    If possible, get a written, dated statement from the District Nurse about her physical condition on her (DN's) last visit. May sound devious, but try not to tell her why you need it, unless you feel you have to.
    :eek: :mad: Shocked & angry on your behalf, perhaps I'm a little innocent.
     
  7. Sally

    Sally Registered User

    Mar 16, 2004
    114
    London
    legal rights

    Hi there,

    this is certainly not the way you wish to be treated by social services although legally they do have the duty of care towards your Mum (concerned relatives feel morally responsible for family members but they are not legally responsible).

    What social services or the CPN is basically saying is that they do not feel that your mother's needs are being met at home and that she needs residential care. You can complain about this decision but it will not necessarily change it. I would certainly try and engage with them informally though and ask exactly why Mum cannot come home. Best practice guidance dictates that they should communicate with close relatives about these sorts of decisions. Depending on their explanation you may or may not want to then pursue a complaint.

    This does not help you very much I am sure but it is best to know where you stand, as you say, it is good to know your legal rights.

    Sally
    x x x
     
  8. Loiner

    Loiner Registered User

    Oct 29, 2005
    73
    Leeds, UK
    hi all,
    well after yesterdays upset, I was all ready to have a good talking to em but one look at mum put it out of my mind.
    She's barely concious, although when she opened her eyes and looked at me she smiled. She's drifting and twitching, they've put nil by mouth as she's aspirating food and drink (going into her lungs), I asked about the NG tube, and she said they hadn't any plans, we're just making her comfy atm.
    So, I think its a moot point about caring for her, and if it isn't, then I'll deal with that when the time comes, cause it won't be a week job her being in. Her skull is clearly defined and eyes sunken, never seen her like that.
    just have to pray, thats all I can do

    hugs
    David
     
  9. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    David, I'm so sorry. Don't know what else I can say, except hope your Mum is unaware of what's going on.
     
  10. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    David

    Put everything else aside and spend time with your Mum, God bless you both.

    Kathleen
     
  11. Stimpfig

    Stimpfig Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    135
    Germany/India
    Dear David

    You have been through a lot of late. I would go with Kathleen.
     
  12. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    David, hugs and prayers for you and mum. Take care now, Connie
     
  13. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear David,

    I agree. Just concentrate on your Mum right now. The rest is beaurocratic nonsense which can be sorted later. Being with Mum is your first priority.

    Thinking of you.

    Jude
     
  14. Mirium

    Mirium Registered User

    Oct 29, 2005
    23
    Surrey
    Dear David, you sound like the kind of son every mother would wish for.

    So sorry mum is so poorly, my thoughts are just be wth her whenever you can, hold her hand and talk to her when you feel you can. BUT, don't neglect yourself, you may need all your strength and energy in a week or so to continue looking after her. Take time to recharge your batteries while you can.

    God bless you and your mum - Mirium
     
  15. Loiner

    Loiner Registered User

    Oct 29, 2005
    73
    Leeds, UK
    hospital have rung and asked me and my brother to go in, mum is 'very unwell' and 'we need to be there'

    hugs to all

    David
     
  16. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    David:

    Hardly an original message. but sincerely meant - thinking of you & your distress.
     
  17. Stimpfig

    Stimpfig Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    135
    Germany/India
    Dear David

    I was thinking of you and your mum yesterday as you had not posted. We are by your side and will always be there here on TP for you.

    Stay strong as you have always been.
     
  18. Loiner

    Loiner Registered User

    Oct 29, 2005
    73
    Leeds, UK
    it was a meeting with the 3 senior docs, they said they will keep treating her with antibiotics, but we agreed a DNR and they are sedating her now as she's in such distress, she has septic shock too now so not long left, my bro is there atm i will go back later, thanx to all for their love and prayers

    David
     
  19. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    Sending love to you and your family at this very difficult time.

    Linda x
     
  20. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Thinking of you David.

    Amy
     

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