I need help

Loiner

Registered User
Oct 29, 2005
73
Leeds, UK
Hi all,
OK, bear with me, had a real, well I'd call it kicking this afternoon.

The CPN rang and asked to come and see me, I thought about how I was doing under such stress as he said originally he was here for us both.
How naive I was.

Now, the first thing I have to state is that my house is a mess and needs a good clean. Since I was ill a while back it slipped away from me, but I've engaged one of the home helps to come clean it up and come occationally to keep it clean and the CPN knows this.
He came today and said he'd been talking to mums ward, they said her skin on her backside was in a right state, and questioned how i'd let her get like that.
I know the district nurse will say it was fine, it was, the only thing I can think of is spending all that time on a hard hospital trolley.
The second thing is because the house needs cleaning, they are saying I could of caused mum to be ill......
They are also considering declaring me unfit to look after mum, and putting her in a home.

To say this came as a shock is an understatement, he said I am sorry if it seems harsh, I replied you sure know how to kick someone when they are down, and asked him to leave.
After he had gone I went and threw up, never been shocked like that before.
I am being treated for stress but they have no right to treat me like this!
It makes u feel worthless.
I am still cold and shaking, but I wanted to know if anyone know of what my legal options are, because I DO NOT like to be told mum has to go into a home

hugs
David
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hi David
I think your best bet would be, as a first course of action, to call the Alzheimer's Help Line.

Sounds a wee bit to me as if they are fearful of action because they caused her damage, so are trying to shift the blame on to you.

Do call the Help Line.
 

Loiner

Registered User
Oct 29, 2005
73
Leeds, UK
I will do tomorrow, called my bro, and he's all, they're only professionals doing thier job, sometimes family aint family

hugs
David
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
David
good advice from Bruce.
In addition speak to PALS (patient and advice liaison service) at the hospital,you will see posters and phone numbers on display
Norman
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
David, am shocked for you, don't know what to say. We all know how hard you have tried to do your absolute best for your mum. Big hug, Connie
 

Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
3,433
Suffolk,England
What a sh**ty thing to do!

If possible, get a written, dated statement from the District Nurse about her physical condition on her (DN's) last visit. May sound devious, but try not to tell her why you need it, unless you feel you have to.
:eek: :mad: Shocked & angry on your behalf, perhaps I'm a little innocent.
 

Sally

Registered User
Mar 16, 2004
114
London
legal rights

Hi there,

this is certainly not the way you wish to be treated by social services although legally they do have the duty of care towards your Mum (concerned relatives feel morally responsible for family members but they are not legally responsible).

What social services or the CPN is basically saying is that they do not feel that your mother's needs are being met at home and that she needs residential care. You can complain about this decision but it will not necessarily change it. I would certainly try and engage with them informally though and ask exactly why Mum cannot come home. Best practice guidance dictates that they should communicate with close relatives about these sorts of decisions. Depending on their explanation you may or may not want to then pursue a complaint.

This does not help you very much I am sure but it is best to know where you stand, as you say, it is good to know your legal rights.

Sally
x x x
 

Loiner

Registered User
Oct 29, 2005
73
Leeds, UK
hi all,
well after yesterdays upset, I was all ready to have a good talking to em but one look at mum put it out of my mind.
She's barely concious, although when she opened her eyes and looked at me she smiled. She's drifting and twitching, they've put nil by mouth as she's aspirating food and drink (going into her lungs), I asked about the NG tube, and she said they hadn't any plans, we're just making her comfy atm.
So, I think its a moot point about caring for her, and if it isn't, then I'll deal with that when the time comes, cause it won't be a week job her being in. Her skull is clearly defined and eyes sunken, never seen her like that.
just have to pray, thats all I can do

hugs
David
 

Jude

Registered User
Dec 11, 2003
2,287
66
Tully, Qld, Australia
Dear David,

I agree. Just concentrate on your Mum right now. The rest is beaurocratic nonsense which can be sorted later. Being with Mum is your first priority.

Thinking of you.

Jude
 

Mirium

Registered User
Oct 29, 2005
23
Surrey
Dear David, you sound like the kind of son every mother would wish for.

So sorry mum is so poorly, my thoughts are just be wth her whenever you can, hold her hand and talk to her when you feel you can. BUT, don't neglect yourself, you may need all your strength and energy in a week or so to continue looking after her. Take time to recharge your batteries while you can.

God bless you and your mum - Mirium
 

Loiner

Registered User
Oct 29, 2005
73
Leeds, UK
hospital have rung and asked me and my brother to go in, mum is 'very unwell' and 'we need to be there'

hugs to all

David
 

Stimpfig

Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
135
Germany/India
Dear David

I was thinking of you and your mum yesterday as you had not posted. We are by your side and will always be there here on TP for you.

Stay strong as you have always been.
 

Loiner

Registered User
Oct 29, 2005
73
Leeds, UK
it was a meeting with the 3 senior docs, they said they will keep treating her with antibiotics, but we agreed a DNR and they are sedating her now as she's in such distress, she has septic shock too now so not long left, my bro is there atm i will go back later, thanx to all for their love and prayers

David