I miss my mum

[Gemstone81]

Hi I’m new here so not sure what to say but needed to say it to someone who gets what I mean when I say I miss my mum. She hasn’t died but she was diagnosed with dementia at 65, 4 years ago. She has deteriorated so fast she’s now in a care home and can no longer speak.
4 years ago she would visit me and my little girls every weekend. She loved being a grandma and was my rock when I was alone. I wish I could tell her how much her being there for me when the girls were babies meant to me and that she could understand and reply back. But she says nothing. She stares in to thin air a lot and I miss talking to her. I feel guilty that she’s in a home but I couldn’t care for her.
I feel like I’ve lost her yet she’s still here and that’s the strangest thing to understand and I don’t think many people do. I’m grateful for the time we had but I feel guilty when I say I don’t like being around the person she has become. It’s not my mum ?

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Gemstone81
a warm welcome to DTP
sadly you are right, there are many folk here who understand exactly what you are saying and that's why here is a good, safe place to say whatever is on your mind

we lose the person we love so many times and in so many ways ... yet there's still the tie and the memories and the desire to do all we can for them

tell your mum what you want her to know because then you will know you have said it and something in her may hear today what she has known all along

 

[Pete1]

Hi @Gemstone81, welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about Mum's rapid decline, I can fully understand how distressing that is. Dementia is often referred to a 'the long goodbye' and during that awful journey you it can sometimes feel like a form of bereavement as you mourn the person that your loved one once was. Have you thought of taking photos and films in to show Mum? You might find a particular era sparks some small reaction. I'm sure your Mum knows how much she meant to you and how much she helped you - but there is no harm in continuing to say that, even if you seemingly get no visible reaction. I wish you all the best, keep posting as you are in a community that does understand.