I have had a stroke. I am the full time carer for my husband who has dementia. I’mNot sure what to do.

[GillP]

@SUNTA , what a lovely OT, her words are special as are you. Remember to look after yourself as well as your husband and accept all help you can. Thinking of you both

 

[SUNTA]

L

Hi Sunta, Can admiral Nurses help to take care of your husband so you can get the care you need? They can be found on the dementia website.

Thank You so much DollyClaire for your helpful and timely suggestion. Things keep changing and not for the better. It’s incredibly hard to hear your own husband accuse you of lying and stealing his things. I know intellectually that it is the illness and not his fault but it still really hurts. Meantime I have to work to stay calm and take care of his every need. On the verge of tears this morning I was asking myself how he could possibly be treating me like this, like a stranger. Then it dawned on me, maybe I am a stranger! I gently asked him if he knew what my name is. With a cruel sacrcastic tone is said ‘well I always thought my big sister’s name was ,,,,!” He got the name right but he didn’t know me as his wife. This has happened before but today felt different. He carried the apparent hatred towards me over from yesterday and kept it going today. It’s truly horrible.
I don’t even know why I’ve written all this. I guess I just needed to get it out of my system!

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @SUNTA it is good to be able to share on here when something happens to upset and annoy us, and it so hard when our loved ones words hurt us even though we know that it is the disease speaking. If this is a sudden change it might be useful to have your husband checked out for a UTI as these can have a bad effect of a person with dementia.

 

[SUNTA]

Hello @SUNTA it is good to be able to share on here when something happens to upset and annoy us, and it so hard when our loved ones words hurt us even though we know that it is the disease speaking. If this is a sudden change it might be useful to have your husband checked out for a UTI as these can have a bad effect of a person with dementia.

Thank you SeaSwallow. My husband didn’t have an infection. However he does have them increasingly frequently and you’re right his behaviour is often the best clue. This past week he has been very badly affected. The antibiotics have kicked in at last and his temperature is down. However his mood is very black and he has again focussed his ire on me. It’s so distressing on many levels. I’ve just left him at home with the carer where he is happily watching a football match he’s seen over and over. I’m so tired, hurt and just feel like I’m going mad! I know it’s all due to the horrible illness but somehow that knowledge does nothing to help. Thank you for listening!