I Have Done It

[Helen33]

Alan said he is not feeling well today. He was paranoid yesterday and today he is feeling washed out. I think that is what he is telling me. He has no pain and gives hand indications like his head is awash.

I don't know why but I decided to take this opportunity to ring Social Services to talk to someone about a re-assessment and possible respite. The woman who came before and offered the big sitting service package has left!! (no suprise there) but the woman on the phone was very sympathetic. She told me Alan was under a team rather than a specific SW but that all means nothing to me at this moment and I told her I didn't know how the system worked. She said someone would ring me back and she was sure that something could be arranged. I mentioned that Alan was not suitable for other than in-house respite and she didn't think it would be a problem. We'll see. I feel like I have taken a giant leap in setting this ball rolling and I am pleased and scared at the same time. I have no idea of the future from this moment on and it is very scary.

Love

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Helen

Well done.
I so envy and admire what you are doing and really hope you and Alan get the services best suited to both of you.
Love xx

 

[Softy]

Well Done Helen

Nobody knows what the future holds, but the hardest thing is asking for and accepting help and you have done that.

Good luck

 

[Helen33]

Thank you Sylvia and Softy

Whilst the ball is rolling I decided to ring Crossroads as well and ask them what they had on offer. They said they do a Carers 24 hour break which would cover a weekend. The lady knows Alan from when she assessed him for the sitting service and I have had regular contact with her about changes of times etc. and she said that she felt I would qualify.

I have also been told that I will not need direct payments. These are all unconfirmed statements though and, of course, we will have to wait and see.

I am thinking that I might be able to go to the canoeing club on a Saturday occasionally. If I leave it much longer, I won't fit in a canoe

Love

 

[susiesue]

Hi Helen

I think you should be very proud of yourself, as I can see what a big step it was for you to take. I agree with you that when it gets to the point that Alan seems to have arrived at, then you must start to think of looking after yourself and your sanity.

Fortunately at the moment I have not reached that point with David, but having said that I do feel quite often that my sanity is being challenged big time!!!

I do hope it all works out well for you and you feel comfortable with what you are attempting to arrange.

Good luck

Love

 

[Helen33]

Thank you Susie

I am logging this for myself as well as telling you fellow TPers because I forget the ins and outs later on.

Well the Duty Worker has just phoned me back so they were efficient. She was lovely and could understand the need for Alan to have in-house respite and not to undermine the therapeutic effects of what has been achieved so far She talked me through the procedure which was that she would speak to her Manager today and that a SW or Care worker would visit me (she said sometimes it is done over the phone). She then said that she was off next week otherwise she would have liked to have come herself I told her it was not an emergency and that I could wait for a week. She was really pleased because she clearly wanted to come herself and I would prefer her to come because she was clear, able to listen, sympathetic and informed. I told her that it wasn't an emergency but I was wanting to get something in place before it became an emergency. She said she wishes everyone would do that because carers were so valuable!!
She also said she would ring Crossroads to see what they had available and I gave her the name and number of the woman I had just phoned from Crossroads and she said she would ring immediately. This tells me that they will work together nicely

So what has been achieved today is that I have taken the plunge to risk changing things and this SW will contact me a week on Tuesday. She doesn't feel there will be any problems to me getting what I need.

Love

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Helen

This is brilliant.
Your LA sounds like a Beacon LA and it`s good you log your experiences Helen, not just for yourself, but for others to see what is available.

 

[heartbroken]

well done

Good for you Helen you must be relieved and pleased with yourself,
the most important thing is to look after yourself

 

[Helen33]

Hello Heartbroken

That's the lovliest hug

You never know I might even get a little time for a coffee

Love

 

[heartbroken]

I hope so, can't wait to meet xx

 

[gigi]

Hello Helen....

Well done!

I know exactly how it feels coming to the decision to ask for more help...

It's like entering uncharted territory......with all it's associated unknowns and "what ifs".

It does sound hopeful for you...Helen...

What is interesting....

She doesn't feel there will be any problems to me getting what I need.

.....Your SS have said this...

Now I don't live a million miles away from you and I'm being told that my request for overnight respite is "extremely unusual"...so unusual that it has had to be taken to the service managers meeting to discuss..

Fingers crossed for us both....

love xx

 

[Sam Iam]

Helen, Iam so pleased for you, both Alan & you are going to benefit from this and that is a positive

Hugs & xx's

 

[Vonny]

Dear Helen, I'm so very pleased for you. Your SW team sounds great and it's big step for you to have taken.

Well done!!!

Vonny xxx

 

[imac.girll1]

Well done Helen

Well done girlie, really pleased for you, but dont sit on your laurels, keep a close eye on the time and dont let it slip too far beyond times that they may give you.

But all in all I am so pleased for all concerned that you have done this move and my god not sure if the caring or the canoeing is more dangerous!

Love iMac

 

[Helen33]

thank you everyone. I am overwhelmed by the response and your kind support.

iMac the only other time I had to deal with SS was to ask for a sitting service and they were completely true to their word and it was very efficient, pain free and quick. From the conversation with the SW today on the phone, I had every reason to believe it would be the same. This morning I was told they were in a meeting and someone would get back to me. I immediately think "oh yes, I'm sure" but within an hour someone did get back to me and she had Alan's details in front of her!!
The last time I always felt it was too good to be true and couldn't believe it was going to happen until it did and then I spent another long while thinking that they'd made a mistake and was waiting for it to be taken away again

Thanks for all your support - I think this is the most difficult step so far.

Love

 

[TinaT]

She said she wishes everyone would do that because carers were so valuable!!
She also said she would ring Crossroads to see what they had available and I gave her the name and number of the woman I had just phoned from Crossroads and she said she would ring immediately. This tells me that they will work together nicely

This sounds so good! All we need is someone who can think as this social worker does. Just goes to show that there are caring people in the professions - sometimes it feels like finding hen's teeth but they are there.

xxTinaT

 

[foxhound]

Difficult, oh yes - but it's AT HOME - so very different. Fantastic, well done you, well done your SW, can you PM me your postcode, I'll move up next week!

Also, whilst I'm on, a slightly PC idea (very unlike me): very often, when posting about people with dementia in general, it's only too easy to refer to them as "they" - perhaps the only option, but somehow leaves a sour taste. Could one not use PWD (people with dementia) as an alternative?? Sorry to go off-topic, but I think it's rather a neat idea. Thoughts, anyone?

 

[Helen33]

Hi Foxhound

I would imagine my thread will have very limited viewers so you might be better to start a new one on about your thoughts

Love

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Helen:

I understand you feeling 'it a difficult step so far' but what a wonderful SW you have. I am, along with many others, so envious of the tremendous help you seem to get. (wow smilie).

She said she wishes everyone would do that because carers were so valuable

.........When I got next to nothing except demanding equipment back!!!

It seems to me 'you have a need' and the services are trying to provide them. This is how it should be countrywide. If we all had a uniform system of 'understanding and care' then I have a feeling we would save the UK budget by thousands/millions. Many of us go around in circles without achieving much, such a waste of local resources.

Good luck Helen. I am sure with such valuable support you will be able to look after Alan so much longer than without it.

Love Jan

 

[Helen33]

Hi Jan

Thank you especially because I am very aware of how difficult, nigh on impossible it is for you and others

I asked the Duty Officer if I had a SW and she said we were under a Team. I didn't even have to say that Alan's condition was deteriorating - I actually said that the sitting service was really benefitting him and he is flourishing with the therapeutic effects it was having on him!!! I just told her I was getting fatter by the day because I couldn't get out to do any kind of exercise and I never had time to do anything other than work without having to take Alan into consideration. She totally understood without me having to grovel or hard sell the situation.

If I get a chance I will ask her why their attitude seems so different from other areas. Mind you I haven't got anything yet. It might all change in a fortnight. My dad brought me up saying "never rely on the money until it is cleared in the bank".

Jan with the struggle you have had, and still have, it takes great grace to be generous in wishing others well and I really appreciate it. I can well imagine that it must be quite painful too.

Love and I hope that David is still settled.