I have a few questions

[binx03]

My mum is a mid 50 year old woman, she has many different types of cancer and so many ongoing illnesses. She was diagnosed with early on set dementia around a year ago and recently its deteriorated slightly but nothing major just forgetting the odd word or person's name (ie celebrities and old old friends that she no longer speaks to)
She also has bipolar and no one else in my family speaks to her including my 2 older sisters because of her old narcissistic tendencies. I've always given her the benefit of the doubt and being 20 years younger than my sisters I've helped her by myself for pretty much my whole life. Whenever we argue she always seems to get ill drastically fast and I was once told by a paramedic that it wasn't my fault and that she was actually ok she just had slightly high blood pressure and nothing else was wrong.
Last night we were arguing and then all of a sudden she called me by my sisters name, my sister hasn't been in my life since I was 3 as the refuse to have anything to do with my mum. My mum never calls me by my name as its just us two, she always calls me sweetheart. She then proceeded to ask when my dad would be home (who hasn't lived with us since I was 4) and forgot where she lived and where her room was and only remembered our cats.
Then when she woke up this morning I went to go and check on her and make her a cup of tea and I was a little grumpy because I hadn't slept at all because I was worried about her, she just said "I'll call the doctors, I'm sorry for calling you Margaret and speaking about your dad". This really annoyed me because I'm under the impression that a person with dementia wouldn't be able to recall the whole situation and definitely not the specifics. The more I thought about it the more it didn't add up and now I'm questioning everything.
I asked her how she remembered and then she backtracked and said she didn't remember and was guessing.
I'm not sure what to do or whether to believe her. Can anyone shed some light over whether it would be possible for her to remember all of that from the night before?

Sorry for the long post, thank you so much for taking the time to read

 

[jay6]

Seems quite strange. They often forget what they've said the following day even if they've been really nasty, but do seem to be able to remember sometimes. I find my OH often forgets the following day but there has been times when he can remember perfectly well. Quite confusing.
I wonder if she is playing on getting your attention?

 

[binx03]

Seems quite strange. They often forget what they've said the following day even if they've been really nasty, but do seem to be able to remember sometimes. I find my OH often forgets the following day but there has been times when he can remember perfectly well. Quite confusing.
I wonder if she is playing on getting your attention?

This is what I was worried about. I don't want to accuse her of doing that but the timing was just so coincidental. If it was genuine I would have absolutely no issues and I'd do everything to look after her as I did when it happened but it was almost as though she said things to purposefully upset me and then watch my reaction and then when I didn't react how she wanted she'd try something else. I hope it was genuine.

 

[canary]

A lot of people with dementia lose empathy and the only things that they can see are their own needs, wants and comforts, so they will do things to get their own way that looks manipulative if anyone else did it. If their memory is less affected they may remember things they have done/said, but not known why they have done it - this is something that happened quite a lot with OH. If I then challenged him about why he had done something he would start to confabulate a reason (a made up story/false memory that he was convinced was true).

It is not always easy to tell the difference between dementia behaviour and purposely manipulate behaviour as it can look very similar.

 

[jay6]

A lot of people with dementia lose empathy and the only things that they can see are their own needs, wants and comforts, so they will do things to get their own way that looks manipulative if anyone else did it. If their memory is less affected they may remember things they have done/said, but not known why they have done it - this is something that happened quite a lot with OH. If I then challenged him about why he had done something he would start to confabulate a reason (a made up story/false memory that he was convinced was true).

It is not always easy to tell the difference between dementia behaviour and purposely manipulate behaviour as it can look very similar.

Thats very true canary. Mines exactly the same. If I challenge its either confabulation or I'm to blame.

 

[AmIgullible?]

My mum is a mid 50 year old woman, she has many different types of cancer and so many ongoing illnesses. She was diagnosed with early on set dementia around a year ago and recently its deteriorated slightly but nothing major just forgetting the odd word or person's name (ie celebrities and old old friends that she no longer speaks to)
She also has bipolar and no one else in my family speaks to her including my 2 older sisters because of her old narcissistic tendencies. I've always given her the benefit of the doubt and being 20 years younger than my sisters I've helped her by myself for pretty much my whole life. Whenever we argue she always seems to get ill drastically fast and I was once told by a paramedic that it wasn't my fault and that she was actually ok she just had slightly high blood pressure and nothing else was wrong.
Last night we were arguing and then all of a sudden she called me by my sisters name, my sister hasn't been in my life since I was 3 as the refuse to have anything to do with my mum. My mum never calls me by my name as its just us two, she always calls me sweetheart. She then proceeded to ask when my dad would be home (who hasn't lived with us since I was 4) and forgot where she lived and where her room was and only remembered our cats.
Then when she woke up this morning I went to go and check on her and make her a cup of tea and I was a little grumpy because I hadn't slept at all because I was worried about her, she just said "I'll call the doctors, I'm sorry for calling you Margaret and speaking about your dad". This really annoyed me because I'm under the impression that a person with dementia wouldn't be able to recall the whole situation and definitely not the specifics. The more I thought about it the more it didn't add up and now I'm questioning everything.
I asked her how she remembered and then she backtracked and said she didn't remember and was guessing.
I'm not sure what to do or whether to believe her. Can anyone shed some light over whether it would be possible for her to remember all of that from the night before?

Sorry for the long post, thank you so much for taking the time to read

Please have a look at what I’ve just posted - a very similar issue. My mum is clearly dying - she is 40 years older than your mum. She’s always been very manipulative with me. Now I can’t tell what is dementia and what is manipulation.

Chin up. I understand completely.

 

[foxxyleo]

My mum is a mid 50 year old woman, she has many different types of cancer and so many ongoing illnesses. She was diagnosed with early on set dementia around a year ago and recently its deteriorated slightly but nothing major just forgetting the odd word or person's name (ie celebrities and old old friends that she no longer speaks to)
She also has bipolar and no one else in my family speaks to her including my 2 older sisters because of her old narcissistic tendencies. I've always given her the benefit of the doubt and being 20 years younger than my sisters I've helped her by myself for pretty much my whole life. Whenever we argue she always seems to get ill drastically fast and I was once told by a paramedic that it wasn't my fault and that she was actually ok she just had slightly high blood pressure and nothing else was wrong.
Last night we were arguing and then all of a sudden she called me by my sisters name, my sister hasn't been in my life since I was 3 as the refuse to have anything to do with my mum. My mum never calls me by my name as its just us two, she always calls me sweetheart. She then proceeded to ask when my dad would be home (who hasn't lived with us since I was 4) and forgot where she lived and where her room was and only remembered our cats.
Then when she woke up this morning I went to go and check on her and make her a cup of tea and I was a little grumpy because I hadn't slept at all because I was worried about her, she just said "I'll call the doctors, I'm sorry for calling you Margaret and speaking about your dad". This really annoyed me because I'm under the impression that a person with dementia wouldn't be able to recall the whole situation and definitely not the specifics. The more I thought about it the more it didn't add up and now I'm questioning everything.
I asked her how she remembered and then she backtracked and said she didn't remember and was guessing.
I'm not sure what to do or whether to believe her. Can anyone shed some light over whether it would be possible for her to remember all of that from the night before?

Sorry for the long post, thank you so much for taking the time to read

My mother just turned 91, God bless. My sister's and I give my mother 24 hours care. My mother can also be manipulative. We sometimes also wanders what she actually remembers and if she is doing it for attention. I'm not sure if you can really tell.

 

[foxxyleo]

My mother just turned 91, God bless. My sister's and I give my mother 24 hours care. My mother can also be manipulative. We sometimes also wanders what she actually remembers and if she is doing it for attention. I'm not sure if you can really tell.

Sorry, wonder.