i feel very lonley , just need a hug

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by geoffonline, Jun 18, 2019.

  1. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    hi,
    my wife has dementia , she is now in a care home, she is very happy and contented
    im so lonely , missing that human contact just a hug ,cuddle or a chat
    its hard to think that she will never come home ,
    im trying to cope , im a happy man , love life just feel alone
    i come home and its an effort to do anything , i do try , im not a sad person i love life just feel alone
    ut life goes on , its a new chapter in my life
     
  2. imthedaughter

    imthedaughter Registered User

    Apr 3, 2019
    56
    Hi Geoff I'm sure you'll find lots of people in the same situation here on this forum, you are certainly not alone. Just wanted to say I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope it does get better - it sounds like this is a fairly recent thing and it must be very difficult to know your purpose at the moment. I hope you can find some hobbies and distractions to help you and events to go to to help you feel less lonely in time, when you are ready. It's my dad who has dementia in my case but I am happy he's being well looked after, I hope you have some solace knowing you did the best thing for your wife as well.
     
  3. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,629
    Male
    Bristol
    Hullo and welcome to Dementia Talking Point Geoff. Sorry you are having to adjust to a new lonelier life due to your wife's dementia. It's hard to take even when she is home as conversations dry up. Do you get out and join carers groups or have a hobby that involves socialising ? I find little things like that help take the sting out the loneliness of caring, even if you still miss that wee cuddle and touch you once had.
    Many more on here will know how you feel and offer support.
     
  4. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    thanks for the reply , yes it is a new thing but afterv 32 years of eing with someone , its hard to adjust
     
  5. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    it is hard im not realy a social man , it wa sjust my wife and myself we just got on with things i wih now id have found friend s, my wife never semed to want to mix
     
  6. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    she is now in a care home , i go and see her , its not the gill i married , shes so different , but she is happy , loves the careers and seems contented which is nice, when i come home i just feel empty , and its hard to motivate myself to do anyting
     
  7. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    1,254
    Female
    South of the Border
    CarersUK are looking at loneliness in Carers during Carers Week. They have asked me to go on a lunchtime phone in on BBC Radio Devon on Thursday about it. They tried to get nationwide publicity - but the PM election etc got in the way a bit,. I think!
    Loneliness is a terrible thing. I come on here for company. My OH is still at home, but has so little connection to me anymore - I often feel like weeping at the hopelessness of it all.
     
  8. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,775
    N Ireland
    Hello @geoffonline and welcome from me too.

    I understand what you are saying about feeling lonely. Dementia does rob both people of so much. My wife has just started attending a Day Centre during the week and it’s not how I thought we would be spending our retirement (we are both mid 60’s).

    I hope that you can get some solace from being on the forum as the membership are a friendly, knowledgeable and understanding group who are all on the same bumpy road.
     
  9. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    379
    Sorry to hear Geoff but understand you aren’t alone. And in time as you get used to things more try and find a club to join, or go to the local library, or it might sound silly but go to the local animal sanctuary and get a pet that’s in need of some company too. I find solace in my Labrador every day. Don’t rush to a decision but please know you aren’t alone on here
     
  10. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,364
    Kent
    A big hug coming your way. The loneliness and isolation dementia of a loved one causes to carers is very difficult and often hard to bear and so common. Although in my case my loved one was my dad by the time he needed NH care I found a good way of making my visiting more bearable was to get to know some of the other relatives who often visited at the same time so if our loved one was not wanting or in time unable to communicate or asleep...we would have a cup of tea and chat to break up the visit a bit. Maybe as a starting point this could be an option? 2.5 years after dad passed away I still meet up with them every few months and although we met because of difficult times and are all very different we have that in common and we were able to give support to one another. In time you may feel able to venture a bit further with going to places, renewing or starting hobbies and meeting people not connected with caring. Sending you best wishes.
     
  11. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    509
    Scotland
    I understand what you are saying Geoff as I am in the same position. Hubby now in care home; I had hoped to manage to care for him at home always but advanced dementia and general health deterioration decided otherwise. I did not know it was possible to feel this level of sadness and loneliness.

    OH did not really want to socialise much but now I wish that I had developed outside interests of my own - I think I shall go to the library as has been suggested to see what is available locally.

    I feel I am living in a limbo which most people "out there" do not understand but on TP there have been, and still are, many people who do understand what it's like.
     
  12. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    yes im happy that she is happy, but its sad when i visit her , even today i sat with her and just missed the past , she spilt her breakfast all over herseff, she is now finding it hard to eat without help , and just didnt bother , her attitudes are different as iv been told its still her but a different person, when i come away thats when i feel sad , i suppose im guilty of feeling what i feel , but , its hard
     
  13. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    i do know how you feel , its easy for people to say . go out , join a club go to the library
    bur thats fine for somepeople , but at the end of the day coming home and being lonely is very very sad , and i dont know the answer , someone said time is a healer ,, well roll on time
     
  14. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    hi, i do have a little dog he is company but its not the same, i do find things difficult , i know im not alone and lots of people are feeling as i do , but that doesnt make me feel any better ,
    iv never been someone that can give up or expect sympathy , and i dont like asking for help either , i recon thats an age thing , maybe ill try to get out and do something, even when i go shopping in Tesco , i look at couples and think , why has tthis happened to us , and feel jealous of couples , i never ever expected to be in this position , still , it could be worse well maye
     
  15. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    well my wife after a seizure went into a care home and hasn't come back out ,, so i havnt had a lot of chance to slowly get used to everything ,
     
  16. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    you sound just like myself, i never bothered mixing as my wife and i were very happy with our own company , then suddenly its gone , its like loosing a leg , all the suggestions , library, clubs , hobbies , well thats ok but its making that effort if i was near you we could have a cuppa , and chat , i know people understand , but its , just being a feel of emptiness , thats hard , i even dont like going shopping on my own , even some programes on tv , i dont want to watch , but life goes on , but be positive
     
  17. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    379
    Yeah it could be worse, but to you I imagine this is the absolute worse case scenario and like you said you never imagined being in this position and it being so sudden. I’m glad you have a dog as that is some company even though it isn’t the same. I know what you mean about people saying time heals, because you just want time to hurry up. The main thing is that you look after yourself for now, like you say nip to the shops. Keep eating and drinking plenty and taking care of yourself. I wish I could give a time scale on how long it’ll take to accept things and feel better, the not knowing sucks. It’s a nasty thing we are all dealing with because none of us know how exactly it works because it seems every case is different. I found it far easier dealing with my mums cancer and I thought that was bloody hard, this is something else. Keep looking after yourself and call the helpline if you ever need someone to actually talk too
     
  18. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    yes thank you ,
     
  19. Normaleila

    Normaleila Registered User

    Jun 4, 2016
    639
    Hi Geoff online
    Hello! I'm not in your position at the moment but I do feel for you. Decades ago my two young daughters were abducted overseas by their father. It was of course awful - and on a Friday the thought of going home from work to a weekend alone was panic inducing.
    I had to get on with life - there is no choice. Two years later I passed my driving test and was then able to move to a new house in a new city. There I met the man next door ...
    Take it slowly, try new hobbies, take a holiday. I really truly wish you well.
     
  20. geoffonline

    geoffonline Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    14
    thank you for your message , you have had a hard time to, yes i do need to try , its just hard to adjust , i know the past is gone , just memories , so im trying, im not the sort to give up, just get a bit emotional sometimes ,i end up putting the music on in he kitchen and the tv in the living room , cant stand just the silence , anyway thanks for replying and i wish you all the luck
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.