I feel physically sick


Registered User
Aug 23, 2006
Susan at the eye hospital yesterday has been diagnosed with a degenerative eye defect. She will I believe go blind. She is being registered as sight impaired.
When she has complained of not being able to see something I have said "oh we have the eye hospital soon and we can sort it out then." It's a lie. I can not.
It has not registered in her mind (thankfully) what is happening. I cannot tell her that as well as not understanding her world she will not see the flowers she
loves or the birds she likes to watch. I think of the film the miracle worker where the child does not understand his world. If we had gas in the house we could go together. Unfortunately we have to run on oil. I have decided not to post too much on here because I am bitter, and no-one on here needs to read the ramblings of a very bitter person. I feel calm, but sick. I am not even crying much. I aim to keep Susan at home, I want her to die in my arms at home. I am young and hopefully strong enough physically and mentally to carry on until the end.
I will read your postings and progress, and today my thoughts are with twink/sue - good luck and Maggie who talked to me about her lovely Gibraltar. Grannie and brucie and the other moderators who do a fine job on here. I will read the postings but I do not think I want to reply. Sorry.


Registered User
Mar 22, 2007
Best Wishes

I havent been here long but I have read a number of your excellent postings. I am filled with admiration over the way you cope at home and your unfailing good humour in the face of overwhelming odds, in fact I feel quite humbled.
All I can do is send you love and best wishes.


Registered User
Feb 28, 2005
west mids
Dear Cris,
my mum too was diagnosed two years ago with a degenerative eye condition that meant she would go blind . The degeneration in her case has progressed so slowly , that two years on she still has sight. I feel her deterioration from AD has been far quicker, and I hope that her sight wil be the last of her senses to go.
You may feel bitter, but its not true that nobody will want to "read the ramblings of a very bitter person", TP allows us to vent whatever emotions we are feeling, and anyone of the brilliant people on here will respond with some words of wisdom that will put things into perspective and give you strength to fight another day.
I have learned so much from people posting on here, including yours.I see a great love between you both, and total dedication and comittment from you to caring for Susan, I admire and respect that so much.
Know that people are always here for you Cris
lots of love
Ally xx


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Dear cris

I so appreciate what you say about bitterness etc. My Jan went through the blindness and it is so very hard to come to terms with. As if they didn't have enough horrible things, for sight to be taken too.....:eek:

I hope you can manage to post on TP though because it actually helps others to see that fellow carers also get bitter, and have the same problems as they do. It may help you to talk, and you may in turn help others - which may well help you as well.

The key is to try and manage your bitterness when on TP. Try to wrestle with it - don't let it take over, try to explain to others how you feel, without causing them [too much] offence.

Take care. I understand all you say about oils and gas. I had oil too. I considered ALL that you have considered. I'm still around, as is Jan. Sometimes things are just not that easy.
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Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Dear Cris.
Bitterness need not stop you posting - I have found that posting, writing it down, admitting to feelings, makes it possible to deal with them. and as Bruce says, helps others when they too feel bitter but feel guilty about it. We are not alone.
Please post when you feel able.
Love Helen


Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
A few links

Dear Cris, I too know that degenerative eye conditions do not always proceed as fast as you may fear. An elderly friend of mine still manages to run a small jazz group whilst suffering from macular degeneration. You'd be amazed what people with disabilities can get up to! Here are a few links which may help you, assuming that you are talking about macular degeneration. If not, the second link, the RNIB one will take you to other points of information. Kind regards, and much sympathy, Deborah



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Registered User
Oct 1, 2006
I feel sick

Dear Chris
so sorry to hear your news and can understand you feel bitter you have enough to contend with.
I hope you will come back sometime when you feel able don`t forget we`re here for you, you may feel better to talk than keeping it bottled up.
Thinking of you and take care of yourself


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I am expert on bitterness , my ex told me I hope you don’t get better in the future I always wonder what he meant he was 16 years older then me , until my father died , my relationship broke down and my mother got AD all in the same year of 2002 .

God where are you I thought , then I thought I have a right to feel bitter , then I hunted down all the self help book , that I have now have hundred of books . Then I found god angina , where was he/she she was they all the time I was my own god because if I did not help myself they was no way anyone ales that was going to, they is a saying that they say , god does not help anyone who does not help themselves , what they mean is if you don’t help yourself no one will . so Susan can not help you , my mother can not help me , no man going to help me , friends come go .

its all left up to us to help them and seek help for ourselfs

Some how for me the bitterness pass and I became the person I was at my core , before all this happen to me , I do hope you can keep posting , because your bring up issue that I have felt , thought I was just going mad :rolleyes: because no one Understood . so when your ready please post
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Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Cris

I too understand your feelings of bitterness. Life can feel so unfair, piling blow on blow on us, while others appear to sail through with no problems at all.

But here on TP, Cris, we all know about that bitterness. We have all felt that our lives have collapsed about us, and there is no hope.

So you are among friends here, people who understand. Please keep posting. As Brucie says, it helps us to understand.

And you have in the last few weeks managed to support others in their distress. That takes guts.

So carry on posting, whether you need support, or are supporting others. You are a part of the TP family.