I dont know what to do

[Berniemack]

If the nights are the worst thing then you could get a waking night carer for a couple of nights a week. S/he might not be able to stop your husband going out but s/he could go with him.

Whether a carer takes your husband out during the day or at night there are potential risks to consider if they go out by car. Your husband should *not* drive him/her anywhere and the carer must have appropriate (probably business) insurance if he drives his/her own car. I think that you'd have to satisfy yourself that your husband could safely be taken out in the carer's car. If your husband is likely to be agitated, domineering or agitated in the car, not wear his seatbelt or try to take over the driving or get out of the car or do anything that might cause an accident then I really wouldn't take the risk.

There is another member on this forum who eventually had to move her husband with FTD to a home because of his agitation (constant wandering with associated difficult behaviours) and the broken nights. She had reached breaking point and couldn't go on caring for him at home.

You are in an incredibly difficult situation. I think that you need to try to work with SS to find a solution which both you and they are happy with. If you dig your heels in then they will override your wishes. You say that your husband only wants to be with you but, currently, looking after him on your own isn't working, and you do need to get some support from somewhere (family, paid or a volunteer). It's possible that your husband will become more settled as time goes on and I would suggest this to SS.

I'm confused about whether it's the days or the nights which are the problem. You say that you had to call the police one night but also say that your husband sleeps through the night. If he wanders during the day then could you use a tracker to monitor his movements? Is he safe on the roads and it's just a matter of him getting lost? Are you too exhausted to go out with him, perhaps following him at a distance? Could you go out in the car with him at night?

I think that the member who advertised for a companion did so on Next Door. You could approach local churches or advertise on local WhatsApp groups or local forums. If there is a local university you could approach it. Many students need to work during term time. Do you have a friend or family member who could help you with this?

If the nights are the worst thing then you could get a waking night carer for a couple of nights a week. S/he might not be able to stop your husband going out but s/he could go with him.

Whether a carer takes your husband out during the day or at night there are potential risks to consider if they go out by car. Your husband should *not* drive him/her anywhere and the carer must have appropriate (probably business) insurance if he drives his/her own car. I think that you'd have to satisfy yourself that your husband could safely be taken out in the carer's car. If your husband is likely to be agitated, domineering or agitated in the car, not wear his seatbelt or try to take over the driving or get out of the car or do anything that might cause an accident then I really wouldn't take the risk.

There is another member on this forum who eventually had to move her husband with FTD to a home because of his agitation (constant wandering with associated difficult behaviours) and the broken nights. She had reached breaking point and couldn't go on caring for him at home.

You are in an incredibly difficult situation. I think that you need to try to work with SS to find a solution which both you and they are happy with. If you dig your heels in then they will override your wishes. You say that your husband only wants to be with you but, currently, looking after him on your own isn't working, and you do need to get some support from somewhere (family, paid or a volunteer). It's possible that your husband will become more settled as time goes on and I would suggest this to SS.

I'm confused about whether it's the days or the nights which are the problem. You say that you had to call the police one night but also say that your husband sleeps through the night. If he wanders during the day then could you use a tracker to monitor his movements? Is he safe on the roads and it's just a matter of him getting lost? Are you too exhausted to go out with him, perhaps following him at a distance? Could you go out in the car with him at night?

I think that the member who advertised for a companion did so on Next Door. You could approach local churches or advertise on local WhatsApp groups or local forums. If there is a local university you could approach it. Many students need to work during term time. Do you have a friend or family member who could help you with this?

Thank you for your reoly

I am managing to reprogram my husband slowly. The evenings have calmed considerably as there are no strangers in the house. After all the threats and bullying of social services and the dementia team last week I have heard nothing from them since. I am back to trying to find companionship for a couple of hours during day. Sadly he is having mini strokes and gets tired during day but fights it. I have no family or friends and am totally alone on this. I am going to have to wait u til the new year and try and find a carer who understands FTD who can just sit with him for a couple of hours. I have come to the conclusion I am on my own on a lonely road. I hope you all can have a good Christmas

 

[Grannie G]

I am so sorry @Berniemack.

It really shouldn`t have come to this.

Have you tried this link?

Find support near you

Use our dementia directory to find local support services for people with dementia and their carers in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Violet Jane]

I'm sorry that you feel that you are on your own, @Berniemack. However, it's encouraging that your husband is beginning to settle down and that the nights are getting better. if you are able to have a reasonable night's sleep you will be able to cope better in what is clearly a very challenging situation. I hope that with things improving a bit you will have a little bit of time and energy to look for someone to sit with your husband a couple of times a week. Is there a carers centre near you or an Age UK branch that you might approach for help? 'Normal' care agencies can also provide sitting services and their carers should be trained in dementia care. Of course, some will be more skilled than others.

 

[Berniemack]

Many thanks to all that answered, I am going to get the new year out of the way and make some decisions