I can never switch off from it

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Silver Lining, Jul 6, 2015.

  1. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    #1 Silver Lining, Jul 6, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2015
    Just had a distressing phone call from my OH who is in care because I havn't been able to go and see him because the Home is in "quarantine" for a week now.
    I have been down there and handed things over at the door, the usual things I take in when I visit every other day.

    He is very agitated and obviously cannot remember what I have sent in and says he hasn't seen me for a long time, and wanted to make sure "I am his Wife".
    Obviously there is nothing I can do about it but I can never switch off from the unfairness of this illness, he is there under a DoLS and he is only just 69.
     
  2. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,302
    Cotswolds
    Oh Silver Lining, I am so sorry to read this. Obviously you can't go in, and there's nothing you can do about that.

    Your poor hubby, and poor you.....:( I am sorry, I have no advice or ideas, I just wanted to send you massive (((hugs)))

    Lindy xx
     
  3. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    Thank you xx
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,326
    Kent
    It`s so stressful for you . I`m not surprised you can`t switch off. At least my husband had no sense of time so didn`t realise if I hadn`t been to see him.

    When I went away for a week I sent my husband cards with cheery messages. He smiled when the care staff gave them to him. Do you think it would help your husband if you did something like that.

    I wish I could think of something better to suggest.
     
  5. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Sorry to read your post. Have hated it when Fred's CH has had periods of quarantine, the longest being 2 weeks.
     
  6. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    Every other day I have gone to the Home with fruit, smarties all labelled up from me. Then I sent him more and a framed picture of a AA minivan just like the one he used to drive when we were first married.
     
  7. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    What a horrible situation for you, it seems you have done all you can in the circumstances. Hope it's not too long before you can visit again.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  8. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    I know I have but was is sad is he doesn't know/remember. SL
     
  9. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Can't say anything to help SL, but sending you and your husband love and a big hug. Such a very sad situation for you both. Es
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  10. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    I have just visited John after one week,home has been in quarantine he seems to have deteriorated in just one week, a DoLs assessment been done today, he only remembers a "Woman" coming to see him, his conversation so muddled, and to me has again visibly lost weight, I have asked the Care Home to weigh him.

    Personal care seems non existent, couldn't even find the toothpaste I freshened him up, changed his socks etc, he hasn't shaved, I am going back tomorrow evening. I am feeling very emotional tonight and have had 2 glasses of wine, hey ho!!
     
  11. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Oh, SL I'm sorry, how distressing for you to see your husband like that. Sending you lots of love and a big hug. Hope you can get some sleep and sort things out a bit better tomorrow.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  12. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    Thank you, thank you everyone as always - SL xx
     

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