So many to list but the main thing is repeatedly telling him things he can’t remember and he is adamant I haven’t told him. He gets something fixed on his mind and unless I can diffuse it he will repeat it time and time againHello @Hazeybaby and welcome to Talking Point
I think we all tend to muddle through and get advice from others on here. What sort of problems are you having?
So many to list but the main thing is repeatedly telling him things he can’t remember and he is adamant I haven’t told him. He gets something fixed on his mind and unless I can diffuse it he will repeat it time and time again
Welcome to TP.Hi
I found out about this forum in the Prima mag. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last October, and at first it was mainly memory, keys, appointments etc, but now it stretches to anxiety, and almost hyperventilating when he loses something or is out of his comfort zone. He lost his HGV license which her finds hard, although he is retired he has no hobbies apart from walking our two dogs. I found a book called “contented Dementia” which was helpful. The main tip being, do not ask questions of them, as they find it hard because they cannot remember and get distressed. I do not know what stage happens next, and take it literally a day at a time.
I am struggling to cope with my husbands’ problems, how does everyone else do it.?
I am beginning to wonder if I have had the last sensible conversation with my OH. He seems to understand the conversation and be able to make comments about decisions but then it becomes clear that he doesn’t really know what he is saying. So it is now very much ‘in the moment’, there is no point in trying to engage in abstract conversation about anything except concrete things such as the weather, a view or the family. It’s very isolating to lose your partner of over 50 years and something I never expected. No one does.
I completely understand how you feel. It is the most desolate place to be. A couple of nights ago I downloaded the book recommended on here called 'loving Someone who has Dementia' by Professor Boss. I stayed awake reading it until the early hours. I found it be very reassuring. It so accurately describes the difficulties of our situation and made me feel better about the feelings and frustrations I experience. My husband sounds pretty much the same as your partner, he really cannot hold a meaningful conversation. We now only talk about the birds on the bird table, the weather or the dog. It is, as you say very isolating. In addition to this I have to be careful not to mention certain things, as they either get him worried or annoyed. We used to talk, talk, talk about everything and everyone. I found him so fascinating and engaging. Now all that is gone, replaced by emptiness, (although I am not sure that makes sense, as I don't think you can replace something with nothing.) With regard to alcohol, my husband drinks way to much and has done for years. I have tried to get him to cut down as it is so bad for him and he is worse when he had had a few drinks. However, part of me thinks it is too late and too hard to do anything about. I hope you can get some comfort from the shared experience of people whose partners have Dementia. I have never participated in an online forum before, but I am finding this forum to be very helpful and comforting, I hope you do as well, we can't do much to change our situation, but we can offer support and understanding. If you have not read the book by Prof Boss I thoroughly recommend it.I am beginning to wonder if I have had the last sensible conversation with my OH. He seems to understand the conversation and be able to make comments about decisions but then it becomes clear that he doesn’t really know what he is saying. So it is now very much ‘in the moment’, there is no point in trying to engage in abstract conversation about anything except concrete things such as the weather, a view or the family. It’s very isolating to lose your partner of over 50 years and something I never expected. No one does.
@Violetrose the only way to get through this is to support and comfort each other. I handled the situation badly tonight because I had had a good evening with what seemed like normal conversation and now I realise how sick he really is and deteriorating fast. I treated him as if he was normal and he is not. He won’t remember and I realise now that I have to treat him as sick. I have become dictatorial because that seems to be the only way to function. He can do quite a lot still independently in the mornings especially if I direct him and so I shall carry on.
The short answer is ‘with difficulty’. I only cope now through the words of support and comfort on TP. That is often the only support available to people who can’t leave their partner for long, when attending the meetings that are held locally is not an option for some reason. The forums are always there twenty four hours a day and always someone there to read and reply if needed. It relieves the feelings and believe me I boil over at times, though a lot less than I used to do. Logging on and reading and posting is a great safety valve.I am struggling to cope with my husbands’ problems, how does everyone else do it.?
Yes I find I am checking in to TP more and more, it’s a bit like a safety valve. When you’re having a bad moment just check in, it’s somehow reassuring knowing there are others out there who understand, although it would be preferable if not so many people were going through this. Xx