1. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Hello again Juliebabs,

    Good to hear from you..sorry things are still problematic..

    Not selfish..essential to carrying on..:)
    It sounds a bit lonely for you at the moment...

    I have no answers..but I fully understand how you're feeling..am sure lots of others here do too..

    Don't run off from us..talking helps..

    Love Gigi x
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Juliebabs,

    Don`t apologize for needing a bit of tea and sympathy, we all need it at times.

    And if you are in danger of having to move house, you need it even more. Is there no way round it? Have you taken advice? It`s such a drastic step.

    As for your husband being demanding and jealous of your time, sometimes you might need to put your foot down. If you have always read in bed, it`s unfair you should have to stop now. Your husband must accept he is not being rejected, you are devoting your whole life to him.

    So if he doesn`t like you to read in bed, perhaps you have another bed in your house where you can read before you go to sleep. Sorry if I sound callous, but sometimes the more you give, the more is expected of you.

    Please offload on TP more often if you can. It does help to talk to people who understand. I know your husband cannot help it, but he is the selfish one, not you.

    Love xx
  3. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    Hi Juliebabs

    DO not feel the need to apologise for needing tea and sympathy. We all know what that is like having been there and understanding the stresses and strains.

    I think that you have been given some very good advice. You really do need some time for yourself with this illness your husband has as it does not just eat at the victim but at those about too.
    I hope that you manage to get the hosue situation sorted out. I know what you mean about the change in the way of loving. I love my mother as my third child now. She is no longer my Mum.


    May tomorrow be a better day.


  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Juliebabs

    Please don't apologise, you're not being selfish. We've all turned to TP for some support when things have been hard.

    Of course your life has changed. Your husband is no longer the person you married. Not his fault, and of course you still love him, but we all feel sad for what we have lost.

    I hope you can get tound the reading in bed problem. I've always read in bed too, and fortunately John never complained. Do you go to bed at the same time? Could you go earlier or later than him? I don't know, but please try to make time for yourself, it's so important.

    And don't hesitate to post again, we're always here for you.

  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Dear Juliebabs

    I do think the default state of being when confronted with the illness that is dementia is "sad". It couldn't be anything else really. True there will be days when you're not so sad, there may even be days when you feel quite happy (or relieved, or content) but to have someone you care about slowly torn away from you - how could you not feel sad? Sad we all understand, so never feel guilt for sharing that.

    You have practical problems as well. Without wishing to be intrusive, if the issue is debt have you spoken to the free credit counseling services that exist? While it might be appropriate that you downsize, I want to encourage you to try every option that might be out there to help you. It's hard that you're going to have to deal with this alone without your husband, but I don't see any other option. However, there are voluntary organisations out there who could give you advice if you'll let them - true it won't be the emotionally connected advice that a spouse would give but every little helps.
  6. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    Ashford, Kent

    Just read all this thread. My Dad has Vascular Dementia. I know my Mum really struggled with him at times. I couldn't understand her telling me he repulsed her at times - I guess, reading lots on here I can begin to get an insight into what it is like to watch a partner change. I know it's distressing enough for me to watch it happen to my Dad - I can't begin to know how it may feel if it were my husband.

    I totally understand you needing a bit of sympathy. My parents have lived with me 5 years. Just 5 weeks ago, my Mum passed away and I was landed with the reality that I am now my Dad's sole carer.

    I have 2 children (7 and 13).
    A full-time demanding career which sees me flying all over country for meetings.
    My Dad with Vascular Dementia living with us wholly dependent on me now really (most days he doesn't even remember Mum is dead)
    One very useless sister!!!!

    Just lately, I've needed to come and let of steam here - because otherwise, I would go crazy myself.:rolleyes:

    It's good to share your feelings, and I'm glad you have.

    Beverley x

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