I am a new member

[Acer69]

My wife is in a nursing home, she has Parkinson's disease and now has Dementia.
I live alone and I have no family for support, my wife suffers from delusions, which are against me.
I have depression and are on medication, I used to have support from a mental health team, but that is no longer the case.
There are times when I feel very down and at the end of my tether, I no longer have any interest in life any more.
I am sure that their are others in my situation? How do others cope? In a no win situation.
I am a tight budget living on a pension, trying to get through each day is diffcult.

Yours faithfully Acer69

 

[chris53]

Hello Acer, I just wanted to welcome you to Talking Point, and acknowledge your post, I am so sorry that your wife has now got dementia and seems against you, it may be a phrase as this illness can make the people we care for like a stranger please don't feel alone, on here you are amongst friends so please post whenever you want, day or night, someone is always around to be supportive, understanding or even give a smile, so please don't feel alone anymore.
Take care,
Chris x

 

[Austinsmum]

Phew, life sounds pretty tough in your house right now. Is your wife on medication for her delusions? Are you taking yourself for a hike (2 miles or so) every day? Do you have an interest outside of your wife’s problems? Whilst out walking could you start to cultivate an interest? e.g. in community projects, gardening, weather patterns, identifying cultural backgrounds of people you walk by, befriending neighbours, dogs or cats, tidying litter, or coming home and talking to us!
We are here day and night for you. X

 

[juniepoonie]

sorry acer69 that you are feeling so low but its understandable when you are trying to cope with your wife in NH I know from how my sister feels that its a very lonely place. I can only suggest that you go back to gp and really tell him how low you are feeling an that you would like some counciling to help you cope with your feelings . this may be talking therapy or CBT therapy. but this will get you under the care of the mental health team an you will get some much needed support. do this sooner than later as I know they have waiting lists. good luck an chin up my friend. juniepoonie

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Acer

It must be terrible that your wife is against you because of her dementia and her delusions. It will make visiting very upsetting and I`m not surprised you are so low.

My husband is also in residential care. He used to have hallucinations and delusions, he would turn against me and go looking for his `real` wife and his real family. Now he has reached a later stage in his dementia and has mellowed so life is much easier for both of us. I hope this happens for you too.

I`m sorry you have no family support. There are lots of us here ready, willing and able to offer support . I hope it helps.

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Acer and welcome from me too.

It is extremely hard when one's partner/spouse needs care beyond what we can give. I really feel for you. It is especially difficult when you have given up outside interests to look after someone and then suddenly there is time to spare.

I am sure Talking Point will help you feel more connected to others but at the same time it is obviously worth meeting folk face to face in your own area. Is it possible for you to pick up old hobbies or indeed start something new - not easy but maybe worth the effort.

You could ring the local branch of the Alzheimer's Society as they often run 'cafes' which take the form of coffee mornings, socials, pub lunches. I used to take my husband although carers often went alone. It is a good way of meeting others who have experienced similar things. You can find your local branch here. Just put in your post code on the right hand side. The branch may not be in your town/village but they may well cover your area anyway. Give it a try.


Keep in touch and let us know how your wife is getting along, whether you are happy with the care she receives. You can share both the good and bad moments.
Best wishes

 

[Jilly1]

Hello and welcome to TP. Wonderful people on here so you are no longer alone.

 

[janma221]

I have had so much support from the Alzheimer's Society local to my mother as I live about 2 hours drive away. They have sorted out appointments and taken her to them, provided a befriender who takes her out and always there to give me advice and moral support when I needed it. I realise it is a different situation for you as it is your wife who has this terrible disease but I am sure if you contact your local branch they will visit you and they are on the end of the phone if you feel particularly upset (in my experience). I hope you find all the help and support you need and there are a lot of friendly helpful people here so keep coming on to Talking Point.
Take care
Jan x

 

[nita]

I suffer from depression too but it is (almost completely) controlled by a drug which made a huge difference to me when it was first prescribed. Nevertheless, at a particularly stressful time I had to obtain a short-term prescription for diazepam and get other help.

I think the first thing you need to do is to visit your GP to discuss the way you are feeling now and be reassessed. Can you not have another referral to the mental health team now that things have got worse for you and harder for you to cope with? It would be difficult for anyone dealing with a relative with this type of dementia, let alone for someone with health problems. Please seek help soon.

 

[Acer69]

Thank you

Hello Acer, I just wanted to welcome you to Talking Point, and acknowledge your post, I am so sorry that your wife has now got dementia and seems against you, it may be a phrase as this illness can make the people we care for like a stranger please don't feel alone, on here you are amongst friends so please post whenever you want, day or night, someone is always around to be supportive, understanding or even give a smile, so please don't feel alone anymore.
Take care,
Chris x

Thank you all for your words of support, so kind, I feel a whole lot better knowing I am not alone in my struggle to cope. Acer 69

 

[Acer69]

My update

It must be terrible that your wife is against you because of her dementia and her delusions. It will make visiting very upsetting and I`m not surprised you are so low.

My husband is also in residential care. He used to have hallucinations and delusions, he would turn against me and go looking for his `real` wife and his real family. Now he has reached a later stage in his dementia and has mellowed so life is much easier for both of us. I hope this happens for you too.

I`m sorry you have no family support. There are lots of us here ready, willing and able to offer support . I hope it helps.

Sorry to hear that your husband is in care, you have insight of where I,m at.
I struggle with persistent fatigue and muscular pain on a daily basis.
My GP has booked me in for counselling but I,m on a waiting list, I have a appointment with my mental health doctor this month.
I would like to have a hobby but I am limited by my fatigue and still living under a black cloud where ever I go.
Maybe things will improve I time?
Acer69