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I’m struggling......

cosipar

Registered User
Sep 9, 2016
25
0
I'm in trouble here, my first post. Xmas is hard so is the year round. Every night I say to someone please let me die tonight.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,017
0
South East
I’m sorry @cosipar that you are having such a hard time , Christmas can be a dreadful time for a lot of people . I just wanted to say there are people here and we can listen if it helps . X
 

cosipar

Registered User
Sep 9, 2016
25
0
My hubby who was diagnosed in 2013 put on a brave face to everyone but nasty to me at night. It starts around 2 or 3 and doesn't let up for hours, I've been sleepung on the sofa since 2013, I'm now at breaking point as my kids are living overseas and I'll be honest, I don't think they're that much bothered.
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
494
0
Sorry you’re feeling that way @cosipar .
I often read posts and feel I’m so removed from them.
Try and get over this episode and feel a bit more able to accept whatever is happening
 

cosipar

Registered User
Sep 9, 2016
25
0
Sorry I'm complaining here, like I said, I'm at my breaking point. XMAS is hard, so is a carer's life. My husband is likely to have a day in respite after 2 years waiting list in 2020 but the guilt and emotions is hard to bear.
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
494
0
You are NOT complaining and please do not apologise. @cosipar

It’s tough this awful dementia,

I’m so down which is why I’m prowling this site on Christmas Day

Do you want to talk about it.?
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,017
0
South East
That is really hard , no wonder you feel the way you do. Is that a day centre ? Sounds like you need a break desperately , could he not go for a week or two ? I understand the guilt but you need care too, self care is just as important . Have you spoken to gp or community mental health team as maybe a medication review could help . Carer’s life is ridiculously hard and mostly unsupported . Have you been brutally honest with your children ? My dad cared for mum and didn’t want help as he saw it as his responsibility , only when he became really down with her agression and became poorly did he open up and allow me to take mum home for a few hours and then build it up so he could have some time to sleep /rest . I’m not excusing them I just wondered if they truly appreciate how bad it is . If they lived with it they would know but as they don’t they remain unaware to the true extent . I hope you can get some help and see a way forward that helps you both .
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,304
0
69
Dundee
Good morning @cosipar. I’m sorry that things are so hard for you just now. I’m glad you’ve decided to share here as I know you’ll find lots of support.

You might also find it useful to talk things through with someone on the Dementia Helpline. They’re closed today but are open tomorrow from 9-5.

Ihttps://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline

It might also be an idea to see if there are any Admiral Nurses in your area. I’ve no personal experience of them but I know that other members have found them useful. You can check to see if they’re in this area using this link. You can also email or phone them

https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/find-an-admiral-nurse/
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,236
0
Bristol
I'm in trouble here, my first post. Xmas is hard so is the year round. Every night I say to someone please let me die tonight.

Sorry you are so down, Cosipar. As everyone says, if you want to tell us what is happening there are many here who are struggling too and will be willing to read and to offer support where we can.
If you just need someone to talk to one to one before the helpline opens then the Samaritans have been a great place for me to go in the past. 116 123 or jo@Samariitans.org.
Keep in touch.
 

Nandi

Registered User
Mar 20, 2018
28
0
Grimsby
I have had support from a wonderful admiral nurse for four years they look after the carers wellbeing and have good helpful ideas to help you with person you are looking after.they work through Navigo perhaps you could get in touch with them.
 

mags2020

New member
Dec 24, 2019
4
0
I'm so sorry you're feeling really down. I do too and have certainly been where you are now on more than one occasion. Please don't give up though. Have you told your doctor how you're feeling? Because that might be a v good thing to do at this point. Also if you can talk to someone about how you're feeling more at length, like the helpline for example, maybe you'd be able to figure out an action plan to change the situation somehow? I really sympathise though. My dad's unwell and I'm pretty sure he's got some form of dementia, not sure though as need the Drs to do tests & diagnose. But my dad's being impossible even now, at the very beginning! Your situation sounds incredibly difficult, the same as everyone else's on here. Please put yourself first for a bit, keep yourself safe, hang on in there and try and figure out a solution. I'm rooting for you xxx
 

Splashing About

Registered User
Oct 20, 2019
434
0
@cosipar so sorry you feel so desperate. Caring is extremely hard. Please speak to your GP or the Alzheimer’s helpline and try and work out some sort of support. You cannot carry on like this x
 

Splashing About

Registered User
Oct 20, 2019
434
0
@cosipar I've just seen your post about the days respite. Please take it. It’s really hard to accept help on their behalf but you cannot continue doing it all. You need respite otherwise you will get sick and be unable to be together. It’s the right thing to do and you need to keep saying that to yourself and consciously suppress any thoughts of guilt.
My mum went into a home recently. Dad like you has resisted and struggled almost to the point of collapse. She went in on the back of her ill health, deterioration and needing nursing. It’s been eye opening to him. Everything he dreaded...her being angry, crying, poorly... is happening because it was already happening. The difference now is that trained caring staff who are on shifts and are not exhausted are caring for her. He visits as much as he wants and has breaks as much as he needs. It seems to have made little difference to her after the initial few weeks of settling in
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
227
0
I'm in trouble here, my first post. Xmas is hard so is the year round. Every night I say to someone please let me die tonight.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt!!! I have been through this for months, hoping either I or my husband will be taken. In the end the doctors have persuaded me to take a low dose antedepressant and I have to say it helps. There is no getting away from the fact that life can be miserable, but now I feel better, I can put on a braver face for my husband. If he’s calm, I’m calm etc, etc.
Don’t give up, there are better days and there are people out there who care about you as well as your OH!
 

cosipar

Registered User
Sep 9, 2016
25
0
Thank you all for the kind words. I'm in a grumpy mood today, it's better than having bad thoughts. Does it mean I'm bouncing back?
I had lovely whatsapp messages from grandaughters age 12 and 6 which lifted up my spirits. Plodding on...
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,017
0
South East
Ah that’s lovely to hear about your messages from your granddaughters :) how sweet . Glad it helped to lift your spirits , keep re reading them when you feel low . Grumpy mood here too. Take care and am heartened to hear you feel a little better .
 

cosipar

Registered User
Sep 9, 2016
25
0
It's half two, hubby has pull ups on but still wet his clothes, find it hard to sleep next to someone who's stink of urine, although it's not his fault. We're in a 1 bedroom flat so most nights I sleep on the sofa. The nightly interrupted sleep is hard to deal with. Hubby blames it on the sea water going on him, sometimes it's the burst pipes. I've restricted his liquid intake by about 7 pm, what else can I do?
 

Emmzzi

New member
Dec 27, 2019
3
0
Hello, I am so sorry this is happening.

Have you asked for a carer's assessment to get support for you? If not, social worker can organise.

Also, there was a point where my dad had to call the social and the doctor and say he just couldn't cope any more, and that got him some help.

Don;t be afraid to ask. it may not be what he wanted, but he isn't really himself any more. Focus ion safe, and as healthy as he can be; don't fret about happy, content may be what you get on a good day. And that's ok.

It's ok, and normal, to grieve for the loss of what you had. Let yourself be sad, sometimes. But do also get help.
 

cosipar

Registered User
Sep 9, 2016
25
0
Dear all, how can I convince myself that the awful stage of wetting will pass? Hubby (75 years old) who had a by-pass operation in the early 90s, currently suffering early stage of prostate cancer and asthma since he was an early teen, has fought very hard.
Why can't I soldier on? I don't want to take medication. I welcome any advice, thank you.