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I’m struggling......

Mousehill

Registered User
Nov 28, 2018
58
I can't praise the Admiral Nurses helpline enough. I rang them today and they were so patient and listened to me as I cried and told them everything. The lady I spoke to was so calm and knowledgeable and it gave me such a lift after a miserable Christmas Day, by the end of which I was genuinely wondering what the point of my life was.

I also find this forum useful because there are always posts that give me extra ideas and posts that remind me we're all in this together. I also use a form of meditation we were taught at 6th from college, which I used to find quite amusing and bit hippy-is at the time, but now it's one of my default coping strategies.

I close my eyes and focus on all the sounds I can hear and then, gradually, block them out and think of a place where I was happy. In my case, I go back in my mind to happy days on family holidays at a relative's house where we all used to stay. I picture all the detail, from furniture, ornaments, sounds, smells, people until I feel calm. I use the same technique to get to sleep some nights when I'm so bewildered with all the 'what ifs' and 'how longs'
 

Splashing About

Registered User
Oct 20, 2019
405
The bed wetting will not pass. It’s an almost normal situation in later stages of dementia. The incontinence nurse might be able to advise better ways to manage it however.

You can’t soldier on because you’re human. It can take shifts of rested people to provide care for late stage. Doing it on your own is going to (and has) take its toll. Seriously you need to get help. I remember how exhausting it was to try and find help. None of it seemed to be what we needed, wanted, could afford etc but there comes a point when you have to accept some sort of help. Ask the GP about respite care. You sound at your limit
 

Emmzzi

New member
Dec 27, 2019
3
I am afraid you need to accept the reality, which is that the wetting probably won't stop now.

To me, you sound like you now need more help. This is not "giving in." This is "taking help to cope."
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,623
South coast
I agree with @Splashing About and @Emmzzi - the wetting will not pass. Once incontinence starts it doesnt go away because it is a loss of bladder control that cannot be regained. It sounds like the pull-ups are no longer sufficient. The continence clinic may be able to get other things that will manage the situation better.

For many people incontinence is their line in the sand. It is often the point at which residential care starts.
 

sunlover

Registered User
Dec 6, 2011
56
My family have traveled miles from a Island off Scotland to visit us but hubby who has Alzheimeres does not recognise her.So Sad
 

Splashing About

Registered User
Oct 20, 2019
405
@cosipar I’m worried about you :). I hope you’re going to ring the surgery or admiral nurses tomorrow and try and access some support to go forward
 

cosipar

Registered User
Sep 9, 2016
22
My husband and I were living in the Far East for 40 years, returned to Wales due to hubby's dementia.
Hopefully he'll have one day a week after the New Year so I can have a break, simple things like walking to the shops alone as I don't drive sounds like heaven to me. I feel like I'm living in a crazy world, quick love lies and distractions are difficult to come up with, most days suffering from brain fog and loneliness.
There are a lot of members here facing worse off problems than me, why aren't I strong enough to cope?
 

Claireo

Registered User
Sep 24, 2019
11
There are always people better off than you and people worse off, either way dementia sucks!

You've been living in the far East for over 40 years and now you're back in Wales without all those friends, the weather, the food...I love Wales, but this isn't what you asked to return back to, so I don't blame you for struggling and you should definitely not feel bad about it either...it sucks! But thinking about how much this sucks will make you feel worse, so it's about making things suck less.

Ask the doctor/dementia advisor for details of the carers group. See if you can meet up with other carers for a coffee. I find it invaluable having their advice/support etc. I don't feel like I'm in all this alone now. I moved my mum down with me and so she doesnt know anyone . Now she can chat to other people with dementia and I can chat to other carers.

Sending you virtual hugs and the strength to ask the doctor etc for help. Please let us know how you get on.
 

cuppatea

Registered User
Oct 28, 2016
417
South Wales
@cosipar just read your thread. So sorry to read of your struggles which resonate so much with us all. Please ring the gp for yourself, and ask about carers support as others have said. This forum initially and then finding a carers support group helped me so much. Do keep posting and read this forum, so much information on here.