1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Amber 3

    Amber 3 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    38
    South Devon
    #1 Amber 3, Apr 30, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2015
    I am probably going off the subject here but have just read the following from Scarlett123..(Apologies in advance if this post offends anyone.)

    "]Looking back on the past 4 months, I have a huge void in my life, and my heart, and would give anything to hear John's voice, and feel him giving me a cuddle, but I tell myself he is at peace now - and there's no Alzheimer's in heaven."


    This statement brought to mind an incident that happened to my husband John back in 1969. We had only been married for a year and one Sunday he went out with some friends for drink, (which incidentally he never got round to having,) I was getting worried as he was late coming home for lunch when there was a knock on the door and one of his friends was standing there telling me John had collapsed and was in hospital. I later found out that an off duty medic who was with John at the time told me later John was not breathing and had no pulse. John against all odds came round in hospital wired up to loads of machines etc. but after numerous tests the doctors could find nothing wrong with him ! Several weeks later John was at home resting up and having some time off work and we were discussing what had happened. It was then John described his NDE, he told me at the time he was officially "dead" he was floating through a beautiful tunnel of light and everything was so calm and peaceful, as he reached the end of the tunnel he could see a lovely garden which he wanted to enter but as he approached hands appeared in front of him pushing him back and a voice was telling him it was not his time and that he should go back... This incident stayed with John throughout his life and he always told me he had no fear of death, so when the inevitable happens I will always remember John's experience, and as Scarlett so eloquently put it ; "There is no Alzheimer's in Heaven.
    One day John will get his wish and go back to that garden...
     
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Thank you so much for posting your Husband's experience. I don't actually believe in Heaven or Hell-I think that's what you get on Earth:( I did anyway; Heaven was a good marriage/jobs/health/money; Hell was Dementia-I'm sure you all know that!!!!

    I do believe in life after death though, and as my OH departed last December it did me no end of good to read your post. Every day I hope that Pete is no longer in pain and his suffering is over.

    Thank you

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  3. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    Thank you for posting. I lost my husband three weeks ago, and it gives me comfort to think that his passing experience could have been so pleasant. I would like to think so. I also believe that he is "renewed" again, so is able to see, speak and enjoy the beauty of his world.
     
  4. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,296
    SW London
    I am another who doesn't really believe in an afterlife, but at the same time I do find it comforting to read of anyone's NDE. Wanting to have cake and eat it, I suppose...

    Not the same at all, but after my MIL died at only 68, for some days I had a very strong impression that she was there in our house, where she had always been happy. I could almost 'see' her there on the sofa. Of course I put it all down to my imagination, and when my father died just 6 months later I fully expected to experience the same, either at home or in my mother's house. But there was absolutely nothing, zilch. Which certainly makes me wonder....
     
  5. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Thank you for sharing.
     
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,972
    Suffolk
    I've had one of those. Several years ago, I had one of those really nasty bugs. My experience was very like John's but as I hovered around the entrance, I felt I had a choice, to go on or not. I chose not and returned to this life. It has taken away any fear I might have had of death.
     
  7. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Well confession time:) A couple of weeks ago I was fretting and I walked from the Kitchen to the sitting room and I could sense Pete; I couldn't see anything it just felt as though he was there. I stopped worrying and I felt warm as though I had just been given one of Pete's bear hugs-I didn't feel anything either-I just knew it was him. I'm not cracking up-I just believe:)
     
  8. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,497
    Female
    Near Southampton
    I'd love to feel that Dave had a peaceful parting from his earthly life and was happy. I cannot though. Had I been with him, I might have been able to be aware of this and found some comfort in it. He certainly showed no sign of being happy before he died.

    I don't believe in heaven or hell either but I do belive there is something more than mankind influencing nature and our lives. We can accept it or dismiss it but if we accept it, I think it makes sense of so many happenings that have no other explanation.

    So many people have experienced these NDEs and other phenomena. That must mean something.

    I am still searching - for forgiveness from my husband for forsaking him at a time when he really needed me to be with him but also a sign that he is ok. I think the latter is maybe being prevented by the former.

    I think your account of Pete giving you a hug is lovely Lyn. xxx
     
  9. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Pete wasn't happy either Saffie. To be honest Pete's parting, as you know, was anything but peaceful! So I had no comfort even though I was there. I try not to dwell:( Dave absolutely wouldn't want you to give yourself such a hard time whether you were there or not. Perhaps he went because you WEREN'T there.

    You will probably be able to recognise signs when you do forgive yourself and remember what you meant to him when he was well. I think that Dave is not punishing you but maybe you are punishing yourself. No need to M'Lady you were devoted to Dave -that much I know

    Love, as always

    Lyn T XX
     
  10. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,497
    Female
    Near Southampton
    Thank you Lyn, my friend. Your words are a great comfort and reassurance. x
     
  11. Amber 3

    Amber 3 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    38
    South Devon
    Sometimes people choose when it's their time to die, and often it can be when their loved ones are not present. My brother died of cancer several years ago and my sister-in-law was with him during his final hours but one morning as she was sat at his bedside she decided to get a coffee from the machine just outside the ward, she only left his side for a few minutes but when she returned he had gone.. I am sure this way the way Tim intended it to happen. During his lifetime Tim had discussed life after death and reincarnation and told us when he died he would like to be reincarnated as a butterfly !
    About a month after his passing my sister-in-law went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and became aware of a beautiful red admiral butterfly perched on the kettle, as it was the middle of November it was not the time of year you would expect to see a butterfly. The butterfly stayed around for several days before disappearing but long enough to convince my sister-in-law that Tim was still around and wanted to let her know !
    Your husband would not want you seeking his forgiveness as there is nothing to forgive, you did your best for him while he was here as we all do in these difficult circumstances and be reassured he is at peace. Perhaps one day you will receive the sign you are looking for...BE AWARE, for sometimes these signs can be very subtle, but when it happens; YOU WILL KNOW xx
     
  12. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    My Grandpa lived for 22 years after my Grandma died. It's been less than 22 weeks since John died, and, although I nail a smile on my face when meeting friends and family, I am crumbling inside.

    I feel that I have been given a Life Sentence, and the only way I can get through each day is to convince myself that my darling lad is at peace, happy and free from pain. Let's face it - we're all doing/have done the best that we can. Looking back, I know I wasn't Mother Theresa every single minute of every day, month after month, year after year.

    Then I tell myself that Mother Theresa must have had the odd slip-up in 12 years, and that if I did get irritated at times, it was because I was exhausted. And then, for no reason, the tears start rolling down my face. :(

    John was in a Care Home for 7 months. Could I have carried on for those extra 7 months, looking after him at home? Would he have been happier? Did he ever feel that I deserted him? Did he know how much I loved him, even when he didn't know who I was? I love my children and grandchildren dearly, but after 129 days, I just want to be with John.

    My Grandpa never lived on his own - he lived with the family. Perhaps that was how he coped for 22 years, but the thought of living that long without John, or even for 22 months, is painful beyond belief.
     
  13. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    I don't post a lot these days but could not help but post my own experience here.

    During our marriage when we needed to be apart we always said 'I am on your shoulder - thinking of you'!!

    When David died I left a note saying just that, plus a few other things, in his jacket pocket.

    10 days after his death during the night I heard creaking on the hall way and after thinking it was my grandchildren shook myself and said no they are not here. Then footsteps into my room and towards me, then his hands pushed towards my shoulders. I cried out and then he was away. I feel certain that the message was that I should get on with my life. So I do but not a day goes without feeling extremely close to him.

    Just to add I know I was not dreaming - I was wide awake when I heard the creaking and momentarily I thought it was a burglar, having accepted the children were not in the house.
     
  14. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,497
    Female
    Near Southampton
    Thank you Amber. The problem is that I have yet to learn how to forgive myself. x

    Scarlett, it's nice to see you posting, even though it is with sadness.
    Have you given any more though to coming to Launde abbey?
    We'll be a few in the same boat and it might help a little as there is a sense of peace there. I'm hoping it will help me anyway, assuming I'll cope with being back there, which I think I will after a while especially with the lovely people who are coming too. If the staff hadn't been so kind last year, I'm not sure I could return. xx

    Jan, I believe you implicitly. I just wish I could have such an experience. xx
     
  15. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    oh Scarlett, I feel for you, being alone is the thing I dread, being with someone for so many years it must be so hard for you, I truly believe that when someone you love passes, they will never truly be gone, they will always be in your heart, and if they loved you as much, they will be watching over you from where ever they are.
    Would your lovely man, before this awful disease took him, want to see you so upset, (I doubt it) try and remember the good memories, the bad ones will fade with time, its very early days yet. You have been a tower of strength to so many and I am sure I wont be the only one, sending you hugs and wishing you well. Mabbs
     
  16. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Dear Scarlett l feel for you so much, l am feeling very sad and lonely as my hubby ix derioratng so much, l almost wish he wasn't here as l hate to see him like he is, l know if he wasn't here l will feel the great loss like you do. Only time will heal our heartache, that is what my father told me, he lost his first wife age 28, l think of him and his heartache. Life is so cruel. On a lighter note l do hope you have some peace and happiness soon.
     
  17. Maymab

    Maymab Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    216
    Staffs
    Oh Scarlett I am thinking of you and I am sorry you are feeling so sad. I am very glad you have been posting again though and hope you will gain some comfort from other people s posts

    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  18. Amber 3

    Amber 3 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    38
    South Devon
    Waiting in the wings

    An old gentleman friend of mine who was in his 90's lost his wife of over 60 years very suddenly when she passed with a heart attack.. I kept in touch with him for several years before his death as although he had family they lived quite a distance away and did not visit often. One day we were talking about his wife and I asked him how he was
    coping without her, he smiled gently and told me that she was always with him in Spirit and that she was just around the corner, "waiting in the wings" I thought this was such a lovely description and I am sure when his time came his wife was indeed "waiting in the wings" to help him cross over...
     
  19. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Just read this thread and my heart aches for you all. You put on such brave faces when posting elsewhere and yet are suffering so much. God bless.
     
  20. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Lyn - my husband is often "around" the place - he's not here this weekend - probably off gadding with the January Lads but I often feel his presence and even what seems to be a fleeting kiss or two. He even talks to me occasionally - told me to clamp a piece of wood to the workbench the other day when I was trying to saw it in half. He also called me a silly ***** but that's another story. I'm so pleased for you.
     

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