Husband and abusive daughter.

[marionq]

My Husband and myself had POA done through a solicitor in 2012 and, as he advised, registered immediately so that it would be available if ever needed. Very good advice as it was needed within a couple of years when husbands Alzheimer’s kicked in.

Mine is still unused by my daughters as my marbles are so far intact but I’m glad to know that it is registered just in case.

 

[Palerider]

[

Thank you....You know,eveyone knows how easy it is to care for someone with dementia,especially when they are the ones not doing it! Normally speaking I would have no qualms about his daughter seeing him regularly but I do have evidence that his daughter used the time that she looked after him in order to question my care of him,when I went out and came back,and so on.The thing is,my husband wants to see her,then says he doesn't because he remembers what happened,then the next day doesn't....You say your mum had had enough...this is the difference,my husband asks why she doesn't call and so on...it's causing a hell of a lot of friction...I am a very strong person but at times I just feel as if I am reaching the end of my tether as I am trying my very best to care for my husband at home,and just know that when the time comes to make that difficult decision to place him into a care home that will be construed as shirking my responsibilities.

Hmm I hear you, my brother tried all sorts of tactics to get his hands on mums property and money some of which was directed at me, but I didn't let that get to me because I held the LPA for mum and supported her in the decisions she made at the time, but she still had capacity at that stage and she stuck to her guns thats for sure.

In time my brother lost interest when he realised he wasn't going to get anything and since then he has stayed away. Sometimes making a stand shows that you will not give way no matter what gets thrown at you and in time your stepdaughter may loose interest as the dementia becomes something she likely can't deal with.

In the end I had to deal with mum on my own, and although it was hard to do I preferred it that way including making decisons about CH placement. I don't think anyone in authority would accept that kind of behaviour from your stepdaughter when the need for care is plainly obvious and your priority is your husband and your own self preservation. Sometimes I used to think I was the only sane person when tings were bad. You mustn't let this stop you from doing what you need to do.

There has been mention of Wills, I would say that it would be very unwise to change a Will at this stage as there are grounds to contest it unless your husband can prove capacity -most solicitors (though not all) will want more than a SW assessment and usually ask for a consultant psychiatrist opinion and assessment.

 

[Lawson58]

Yes.....I cannot imagine being so vindictive as to make such an accusation against anyone,especially in a case like mine.You mentioned your OH suggesting buying a present for someone and you said you weren't going to but he could...now my OH would at this point become verbally abusive and suggest that I am unfeeling and have got it in for his daughter...oh yes,I know all the ploys and it is upsetting for me nevertheless.I do have POA but was wondering as someone said on here...could she take my husband and get him to change his will? I really don't think she could,well,she COULD but it would be invalid due to the POA being in place?

When my husband brought up the idea of changing his will which would exclude any of his children inheriting anything, our GP suggested that it would be a good idea if he wrote a testamentary statement as to my husband's capacity. The statement was quite short but said that he had been treating my husband since 2005 for his many health concerns but in his opinion, he had capacity to make the decision about his will and any other legal concerns.

It might be a good idea to be a little proactive in some way and get something that says that your husband does not have that capacity, just to protect your own interests.