1. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    today has just gone from bad to worse.
    it started with a phoned call from the sw to see if he could pop round to see how things was going, Edna was her usally self shouting and getting upset, during the chat dad reviled that last night he lost it with her and was going to phone me to see if I could go round to sort her out but before he got to the phone she pushed him one stepp to far and smacked her bum ho dear this did not go down well with the sw I don't know whats going to happen but hes not happy and thinks dad is on the edge of a break down. the sw has been saying for a while for my brother to come and take us all out to give dad a change, I had arrenged for him to take us to carsington waters for a trip out today, well he came we went but as we got there Edna poohed herself so I went to the toliets to change her as I had told dad to take spare clothes pads etc with us. as we came out of the toliet she then started with a panick attack shaking and crying where am I, filling her pants again so for we went to the lo again, we thought it would be better if we just went home so that upset my 7yr old she want to stay, so all the way home I had Edna one side smelling not to sweet as she did it again and my daughter the other crying, it took 1 hour to get home its the longest hour I've ever know. on return Edna happily said that was lovely I enjoyed that I didn't won't to come home AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    its got me so down I just won't to cry the one thing I have laent is not to take her out again.
    sorry for ranting I am so fed up
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Heartbroken,
    What a tough day you have had.

    If dad is struggling to cope with Edna, and is being driven to hitting back, then something does need to be done, for both their sakes. This is no reflection on your dad...just the sadness of dementia.

    Love Helen
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Heartbroken

    That does sound like a horrendous day!

    I agree with Helen, it does sound as if things are getting too much for your dad. Is it time to be considering care?

    If your dad's health is collapsing, there's no way he can cope with Edna full-time, and you obviously can't be expected to take over, with a young child.

    Please give it some serious consideration.

    Love and much sympathy,
     
  4. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    thanks Hazel and Helen
    thats just what I was thinking, the sw did sugest this dads reply I'm coping but he's not I don't think he actully wanted to say other wise though he agrees with us.
    the socail worker is going to phone the cpn to discuss what can be done, I have just spoke to my brother and he agress we should be looking into a home even if its just for respite, It will be hard to get her to go but I'm ready to try.
     
  5. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Dear heartbroken

    I am so sorry that it turned out to be such an horrendous day after you meant well by everyone - your dad, your mum and your daughter.

    Is there any chance that tomorrow you can get some special time just for yourself and your daughter to do something that you both like without you even having to consider anything to do with dementia for a little while??

    Sending a big hug to you and your little girl.

    Helen :)
     
  6. allieo37

    allieo37 Registered User

    Apr 10, 2007
    4
    Worcestershire
    Dear Heartbroken
    I'm so sorry you had an awful time. I can fully appreciate what you felt on your day out. My sister and me decided recently to try a day out with our mum. It was totally awful - we also, spent most of this day in toilets. We had my two young daughters with us age 8 and 11 - it wasn't any fun for them. We were late, we got stuck in traffic, mum got cold in her wheelchair, we got separated and couldn't find a parking place, dad got locked in the museum! - we felt so guilty. Mum didn't appear to enjoy it and neither did the children.

    Each stage of Alzheimers brings a new realisation that things will never be the same again. Me, my sister and the rest of our family - we all realised that that was the last day we could ever take mum out again. I know where you are coming from with your AHHHHHHH.
     
  7. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    thanks
    I am taking my daughter shopping with a trip to mcdonalds for a treat tomorrow but I will have to go to dads for a few hours to try and give him a break.
    my brother has just phoned he is going to take us again but without Edna and dad so thats made her happy.
     
  8. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Heartbroken

    I am so glad that you will at least get some time. It's good that your brother seems to be looking after you. Someone said to me recently that I should take any help that is offered. At the time I wasn't sure what she meant but after reading some of the posts on TP, I understand now and I think she is quite right.

    Anyway I love Carsington Water and it's not that long ago that Alan and I went there and did a big walk. We had a lovely lunch in the restaurant upstairs.

    Love to you and a hug

    Helen :)
     
  9. CoJo

    CoJo Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    6
    Oxford
    Hi Heartbroken

    Just been feeling sorry for myself, as I've got a stinking cold and sacked the care agency today (long story!). Reading your post made me realise as does every visit to TP, there's always someone worse off than you. Might not be a comfort to you, in fact I 'm sure it isn't but so far I haven't had to deal with those type of incontinence problems, or should I say not in public.
    Looks like the end is in sight for me as dad should be moving into a permanent nursing/care home within the next couple of weeks. I'm sure lots of people would be feeling like a failure at this point, but to be honest it's a huge responsibility lifted off my shoulders.
    I gave up work last October, which followed splitting up with my partner earlier in the year, so really feel I have sacrificed enough to care for Dad. I think everyone has to be realistic about when it's time to call in the professionals.
    Anyway, 'Heartbroke' like I said, thanks for cheering me up.
    Jo
     
  10. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    update

    I arrived at dads today to be asked by Edna have you been to carsington waters before I went yesterday it was nice, I could have screamed but said gritting my teeth yes I went with you, did you she replied, then went to shout at dad she was hungry and wanted her dinner then came to tell me dad is always getting on to her LOL and we all know its the other way round, I just had to say why don't you start to do it dads busy but yet again she had a excuse not to, because she doesn't know how to. she was in a mood today its getting like it every day so we will have to see if there is anything causing this at the gps on thurday.
    thanks eveyone for your support I don't know what I would do without tp
     
  11. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Heartbroken

    Well Edna certainly seemed to have enjoyed Carsington Water!!!!
    Did you get that shopping trip and the treat to McDonalds? I do hope you managed to get some peace amidst the chaos this illness can bring.

    My day was not brilliant but it was not a Carsington Water and Edna experience!

    Love from Helen :)
     
  12. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    thanks Helen

    yes I enjoyed a shopping trip and pigged out at mcdonalds Becky enjoyed it.
    today is my day off so I'm sitting relaxing for a change.
    hope you are having a better day
     
  13. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    great day

    just goes to show how things can change.
    today Edna was lovely, to me anyway, we had a lovely walk up town going in the cafe for a coffee and a gentle walk back she let me get her ready before we went with no upset it was lovely, she chatted nicly with my daughter sharing a box of chocs. its been a lovely day.

    the only thing is, I think she has a infection she has been complaining of a pain in her side, we do have a appointment on thurs with the gp, so I will bring it up then,
     
  14. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Is that all she can come up with about giving your father a break.

    Has she sorted out respite for your father yet ?
     
  15. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    He has tried to get her to go to a group with me or dad but won't go plus he has mentioned respite but again he is hitting his head agaisnt a brick wall, we are having a job to get her to do anything but after yesterday I think it could be getting a little easyier as she is letting me do more so I might be able to get her to a group to start with then to the nh to have a look and they have said I could go with her for some dinner and a few hours to start with we will have to see, as you all know we could be back to square one today and she won't let me do anything!
    I hate this illness, but at least dad had a break yesterday when we was shopping I do take my time so dad has longer on his own, he was alot happier yesterday after his break.
     
  16. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Heartbroken

    [​IMG]

    I am so glad that you had a nice day yesterday. Doesn't it make a difference when we get some good days!! The weather helped I suppose in getting Edna out - I think it makes it so much more pleasurable when it's not dark and rainy all the time.

    Love Helen [​IMG]
     
  17. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    bad day today

    yesterday was so nice but I did expect her to be back to her angry self today and I was right.
    it started of ok but come 11.30am she changed screaming shouting hiting dad it was unbeliveable how she changed we had a few miniutes when she was carm when I asked her if she wanted some fish and chips, quite funny though she would not give dad a answer when he asked her, she just shouted at him if you are fetching them I don't won't anything and I'm not paying for them.
    after a hour she all of a sudden she carmed down not talking to no one it was very strange I haven't seen she change so quicky and so oppersite. lets hope tomorrow will be better.
    thanks for everyones support I have learnt so much from tp I don't know what I would do without it.
     
  18. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Heartbroken

    Sorry it was a bad day. Goes with the territory of this illness I suppose. Do you spend every day with your mum?

    Thinking of you

    Helen
     
  19. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    Hi Helen
    No, I am off today and I have sunday of we get direct payment for me to go in 21 hours a week but often its doulbe this but I don't mind as long as dad is ok and has a break. I am waiting for the sky man comeing it seems like forever waiting lol
     
  20. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hi Heartbroken

    That's the thing about all of this - life still goes on around it all - like waiting for Sky!!!!

    I went swimming first thing this morning just to start the day without having to think about anyone else. Then I get home and it starts. Telephone messages on the answer machine, appointments to keep, lunch to cook, work, everyday things.

    Anyway hope you get Sky sorted and have a good day.

    Love Helen
     

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