Hi
My Mum was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment several years ago and 6 months ago it was confirmed she has Alzheimers. She is incredibly sensitive and hard on herself in any event and as her only family member there is only me to look after her. I made the decision not to tell Mum of her condition as I felt it would be very detrimental to her emotional and mental wellbeing. She has always been very sensitive about her memory loss and no matter how many times I tried to reframe it with her, is embarrassed and sees it as as a sort of deficit of her as a person. The consultant was on board with my views and at the test results meeting, agreed that if she didn't actually ask, What is wrong with me? (in which case of course we would have to say) instead we said, 'the tests show your memory has deteriorated, there are some tablets that will help things a little, would you like to take them? to which Mum agreed .
I appreciate some people may find this approach very concerning, but I am acting with the best of intentions for her and am doing what I feel is necessary in order to protect my Mum from emotional distress as I feel the news would floor her. Her best friend has Dementia too and she keeps telling me, as if it is the most terrible news in the world.
Anyway, my dilemma currently is that Mum knows there is something wrong as she is getting even more tearful than she usually is and gets really frustrated with herself and so at these times I feel I should tell her the diagnosis. I really don't know what to do for the best. She is taking Memantine, lives in sheltered accommodation and has a carer visiting daily as Mum can no longer put a meal together and would live on biscuits if left to her own devices. Showering is also assisted now. Her carer is a private one and doesn't wear a uniform, which I think is great as it removes the 'medical' notion and I think Mum sees her as a friend. Mum also takes a low dose of an anti-depressant and I am considering asking her GP if the dose should be increased if that will help with her general sense of wellbeing and to become less tearful and down on herself.
What are people's views about what I should do ie tell Mum or not and if so, how do I word it in a gentle way so as to cause less distress? Her best friend has taken her own diagnosis very well and even jokes about it so there may be something there whereby my Mum could see that for her friend, it is not the end of the world and so need not be for my Mum.
Thoughts from others who may have been in a similar predicament would be very much appreciated.
Thanks
My Mum was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment several years ago and 6 months ago it was confirmed she has Alzheimers. She is incredibly sensitive and hard on herself in any event and as her only family member there is only me to look after her. I made the decision not to tell Mum of her condition as I felt it would be very detrimental to her emotional and mental wellbeing. She has always been very sensitive about her memory loss and no matter how many times I tried to reframe it with her, is embarrassed and sees it as as a sort of deficit of her as a person. The consultant was on board with my views and at the test results meeting, agreed that if she didn't actually ask, What is wrong with me? (in which case of course we would have to say) instead we said, 'the tests show your memory has deteriorated, there are some tablets that will help things a little, would you like to take them? to which Mum agreed .
I appreciate some people may find this approach very concerning, but I am acting with the best of intentions for her and am doing what I feel is necessary in order to protect my Mum from emotional distress as I feel the news would floor her. Her best friend has Dementia too and she keeps telling me, as if it is the most terrible news in the world.
Anyway, my dilemma currently is that Mum knows there is something wrong as she is getting even more tearful than she usually is and gets really frustrated with herself and so at these times I feel I should tell her the diagnosis. I really don't know what to do for the best. She is taking Memantine, lives in sheltered accommodation and has a carer visiting daily as Mum can no longer put a meal together and would live on biscuits if left to her own devices. Showering is also assisted now. Her carer is a private one and doesn't wear a uniform, which I think is great as it removes the 'medical' notion and I think Mum sees her as a friend. Mum also takes a low dose of an anti-depressant and I am considering asking her GP if the dose should be increased if that will help with her general sense of wellbeing and to become less tearful and down on herself.
What are people's views about what I should do ie tell Mum or not and if so, how do I word it in a gentle way so as to cause less distress? Her best friend has taken her own diagnosis very well and even jokes about it so there may be something there whereby my Mum could see that for her friend, it is not the end of the world and so need not be for my Mum.
Thoughts from others who may have been in a similar predicament would be very much appreciated.
Thanks