How on earth have I managed to miss this thread?
Hello MrRusty and hi to everyone else too
I have just tried to start a thread on this very topic, but was too exhausted and discouraged to explain the situation
And now I find that you have all done it for me....
My mum lives alone in what I can only call 'slightly sheltered' accommodation, eg the garden is done and someone pops in a few days a week, but that's it. She is really neglecting herself, not taking (or over-taking) her meds, not eating much, has been wearing exactly the same clothes for, oh, maybe eight weeks now....She sits in her riser recliner chair with her stockings laddered and her hair flat and greasy (sorry, mum, but it's true). Allegedly she is watching TV but her ability to use the remote is random to say the least. She is unable to get into the bath or shower so has a strip wash, which worries me as she has fallen and is unsteady on her feet....She won't use a wheelchair, which means I can hardly take her out, apart from in the car.....I could go on.....you know where I'm coming from
Anyway I have taken the bull by the horns and insisted that she has a daily care visit of 15 mins, if only to check her meds and that she hasn't fallen. I would love her to have lunch visits, and even personal care (though I haven't broached the latter yet). The upshot is that she lets the 'girls' in, but won't let them do anything whatsoever for her. She is furious with me for implying that she can't manage, and our formerly pleasant and companionable times together have become like battlegrounds. I try to agree with her (as per compassionate communication!!!) but you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. It never used to be like this
I don't feel I can physically neglect mum. I see her 6 days a week at least and either have lunch or tea with her. When I arrive at her flat she is sometimes evidently dehydrated, says she doesn't want a drink, but when I make one she gulps it down. She won't let me cook for her so I have to take her out to a tearoom or pub to get a meal into her (you could say she's not daft!!!
)
I have arranged for a hairdresser to come in and wash her hair (but she can only come fortnightly), a home visiting podiatrist (six weekly), and a cleaner (weekly). She has a day /date clock (but still doesn't know what day it is) and every gadget I can think of.
Not sure where I'm going with this really, it's just that I worry about mum constantly. Having the carers in almost seems to have made things worse, as she's angry and frightened and needs ever more reassurance, whilst at the same time 'having a right good go' at me
I tried contacting social services but they are not interested until she has less than £23,000.
Sorry to have gone on and on but I needed to say all this. Not sure what anyone can do until she either accepts more help, gets worse, or both...
Thanks for reading
Lindy xx