How to deal with Christmas this year....

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by DaisyG, Dec 13, 2006.

  1. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    183
    North West England
    I spent an hour or so last week end finding and putting up a few Christmas decorations...
    Today, I've taken them all down.


    It was not as though I had made a big fuss/ deal.. we did not really have much on display.


    My husband has / is so disorientated by the decorations over these last few days that I thought it best to remove them all, and put them away.


    He thought that I'd changed the whole lounge around... couches... bookcases
    THE LOT.
    Could not remember where to sit... Where things were / are....
    Thought the TV had been moved... pretty much everything.


    Got angry at 'me touching HIS posessions' .. (yet again !!)..


    He just could not handle it ... at all.


    This has really upset me. I know I shouldn't be bothered but I am.
    Probably because I am so drained and tired of the caring 24/7.

    This is another NEW thing for us both.


    He asked the other day...
    "Is it Christmas Eve tomorrow?"... after seeing an add on TV.... then got angry that they were showing ads 'too early'.....


    We don't even have any Christmas cards up at all, he kept asking if it was someones birthday.


    I guess you could say we have 'celebrated' our last Christmas together.


    Has anyone else felt like the HAD to 'give in' and not be able to show any signs of Christmas?


    Thanks all....

    Take Care

    DaisyG
     
  2. candymostdandy@

    candymostdandy@ Registered User

    May 12, 2006
    81
    west sussex
    I am looking forward to Christmas as the question mum has been asking since August is " is it christmas today", when I say not for ages yet, she comes back "well is it Easter then",

    "no mum, not for ages"

    at least in 12 days time I can say "YES ITS CHRISTMAS TODAY"!!!

    but then I've got another 364 days to get through before the next one...
     
  3. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    787
    Buckinghamshire
    Yes, DaisyG, I have 'given in', too!
    Not for the same reasons as you: my husband does not understand concepts like Christmas, Birthdays etc. any longer. However, he gathers everything in sight and either stuffs it into his pockets or tries to chew it, which means that Christmas decorations are a definite no-no, the tree and the lights suffered a dreadful fate last year, and what's left of them will stay in the loft ...... any Christmas cards that don't have glitter or removable bits on them are used for our ongoing game of me putting them up all over the place, and him gathering them, day after day. At least it gives him something to do, he likes the bright and shiny ones best!

    Daisy, I have days when I wish I could make our home look nice again, light a few candles at this time of year, display photographs of the grandchildren or put the bowl of fruit on the table instead of somewhere in a cupboard ...... but then I take a step back and remind myself that, sadly, my husband won't get better. But I am happy that I can still cope with caring for him at home. The candles, the photographs, the bowl of fruit or the Christmas decorations will be little comfort when he is not with me any longer ...................................... sorry, it doesn't bear thinking about!

    My short-term solution: I have put up some pretty Christmas lights in the garden, just for my own pleasure, since hubby doesn't notice them now. I light them as soon as it gets dark, they cheer me up no end and they remind me that Christmas comes and goes whatever mood we are in.

    Here comes a Christmas hug for you, hope you are feeling better soon.
     
  4. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Daisyg
    Peg and I had our last Christmas together last year.
    She just blanked the whole thing out,not interested in any part of it.
    We have no Christmas tree anymore,just some Christmas cards on strings.
    She ignores them.
    We will go to the one Son for Christmas dinnerand that is it.
    I will think about you all on Christmas day and hope that at least it will be a peaceful one.
    Norman
     
  5. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Mum was very anxious about Christmas last year but was aware of it......this year theres nothing.....no worry about it....cards mean nothing.....we haven't decorated yet because we just haven't got round to it.....i really don't know how mum will react to that or Christmas day for that matter.......last year we all hated it......being the first one without dad but this year its good to see the younger 2 kids looking forward to it again.........
     
  6. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    I have had so much guilt at my Mom being in the Nursing Home during the holidays. Thanksgiving went much better than I thought it would so I think Christmas will be the same. She is oblivious to it being Christmas and it will pass without her wishing she was home. That would be unbearable for me. I have taken her to the many choirs coming in the sing to the group and my Mom, who has always had a gorgeous voice, sings along with them. Her voice always gets a compliment and she just gushes and beams over it! It is strange that she can't remember what she had for breakfast or even that she had breakfast but knows all the words to the carols! There are blessings in everything if you look for them, even if they are small ones.
    It is a sad Christmas for us. Mom loved this holiday and celebrating it without her just seems wrong. But we will make the most of it because she probably won't be here at all next year.
    I will just try to remember why we have Christmas and with that there is a promise that we will be together with full memories one day.
    May you all have peace and love to share this Christmas.
    Debbie
     
  7. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    183
    North West England
    I guess I shoud have seen the indifference coming really.....


    His birthday, my birthday... our Anniversary all passed over this year without any notice.
    Still had the cards .. gifts ... cake thing ... only it meant NOTHING at all...



    In fact, we went out with some of his family ( a RARE event), on his birthday for a meal ....
    By the time we got home, he announced that he was hungry.. and when are we having lunch !!
    We had only just eaten. He had also 'forgot' who was at his birthday lunch ... and who he had been talking to.

    Was angry at my refusal to feed him (again)...


    He commented today about "Is it Chrismas some time soon? ... I said yes... Have a guess what month is it?
    He said.... "ummmm ... is it February?"....



    Things have changed so much this last year.


    Every little noise and sound seem to worry him these days.
    WE DON'T 'DO CHANGE' ANY MORE.....


    The idea of visitors is alarming and disturbing. He's worried.. and asked over and over...
    "What time are they coming? "Who is coming?"...
    Who, what , why, where, when .....



    Nutty Nun ..
    My husband has no concept of any events ( AND TIME ) either.
    Such a shame that all 'celebrations' have to be put on hold so-to-speak.


    And Norman,
    My husband is pretty much 'blank' for most of the day.


    To be honest... I'll be glad when all the festivities are over.


    Sorry for being so miserable...


    Take Care,

    DaisyG
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,895
    Kent
    Dear Daisy, I`m sorry you`re feeling so low. You have no need to apologize, this time of year, together with all anniversaries and family celebrations, really brings home how much we are missing. Sometimes it is too difficult to remain compassionate and sympathetic to someone who is unable to offer any positive or pleasant feedback. All I hold on to, is he can`t help it. Sometimes, neither can I.
    I think many of us will be glad when the festivities are over and then we can get back to `normal`.
    Even though you feel on your own, you know all of TP is with you. Love Sylvia x
     
  9. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    Daisy,
    I was asked once why it is we visit my Mom so often when as soon as we are out the door, she has forgotten we were there. I told her that her soul knows and one day when I am standing in front of her ( in the next life), I want her to say "Job well done".

    It does matter, because they matter and they are still apart of our lives even if they are oblivious to it. We will never have to look back and feel bad because we didn't have that celebration or because we didn't try or care.

    That being said, you know they can't enter our lives so we have to enter theirs and be apart of whatever it is they do comprehend or understand or whatever doesn't make the anxious or brings them some happiness. Try not to feel bad because he can't be apart of what you have always done but rather try to do things he can.

    I tried so hard to make this holiday one Mom could be with us during but I finally resolved that she can't. So I do the activities with her that I know bring her joy and that she feels comfortable with. We will have a very low key Christmas with her at the NH and then come home for our traditional celebration. She will be fine and we will miss her but it the best that we can do and the best she can do.

    Take care and God Bless,
    Debbie
     

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