How to cope

[keepit together]

My husband had Dementia for 3 yrs now.
A lot of the time he says he dosent know who I am but then he says he was "only joking". So I do not know what to think.
Though he has the look of confusion and hate on his face. I donot have any family near and cannot keep asking for help woith the neighbours, so like many I feel alone. Last time Hubby was very agressive towards me and caused bruising. He seem to know what he is doing and cannot stop himself and is sorry afterward. Just want it to stop!

 

[Louise7]

Welcome @keepit together but so sorry to hear of your circumstances. Have you spoken to your GP about your husband's behaviour? If not I'd suggest giving them a call as there may be some medication that can help with his agression. Also you need to ensure that you are safe if your husband becomes agressive towards you again - make sure that you have a mobile phone on you at all times and don't hesitate to call the Police if it happens again as they will ensure that he gets the help that he needs. The is lots of support and friendly advice here so please keep posting but I would also suggest that you connect the Dementia Connect support service as they will be able to point you in the direction of help and support available to you in your local area: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line

 

[Sarasa]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @keepit together . First of all I'd make sure you have a phone on you and a safe place to go if your husband is violent towards you. Then phone 999. It sounds dramatic but it will get your husband the help he needs.
Secondly I'd contact your local social services for a care assessment for him and a carers assessment for you. If you have enough funds you might want to contact a couple of care agencies about having carers coming to give you a break, which it sounds like you desperately need.
I'd also contact the Dementia Connect support line: 0333 150 3456 and dementia.connect@alzheimers.org.uk and talk things through with them.
As for the 'only joking' remark. One of the first things that was a red flag for me that my mother's dementia was moving to a more advanced stage was when she told me the neighbours had stolen her hole punch and the instructions for her iron. When I replied that if she really thought that I was seriously concerned about her, she too said 'only joking.' A few weeks later she was firmly convinced it was true that the neighbours were forever in her flat, and nothing would shift her from that notion.
It does sound as though your husband is getting to a stage where you need more help, so please start trying to sort that out now.
I see @Louise7 has posted something very similar and I'm sure more people will be along with their advice soon. This is a very supportive and helpful forum and you'll always have someone here to listen.

 

[margherita]

Hi @keepit together ,
On no account should physical violence be tolerated. The fact he says he's sorry after being violent is irrelevant and doesn't decrease the seriousness of his behaviour.
Take care of yourself.

 

[jennifer1967]

hello @keepit together, you could always call womens aid. they are separate from social services. i have just be referred to at least get support and another avenue of support and discuss an escape route if you ever need one like a locked room with a phone or a neighbour house. dont know if that would be safe but worth thinking about. he has done it so theres every possibility that he may do it again so pays to be prepared.