Hi
@isthisreallyhappening
I'm very sorry to read your post. As others have said:
- your husband's dementia, and thus behaviours, speaking, abuse, ? violence, is only going to get worse and worse. Dementia can last anything up to 15 years from when it started which may be quite some while before diagnosis. You didn't say whether your husband has been formally diagnosed or not, or if so when.
- it's never too late to leave an unhappy marriage and if it's tooooo bad, then you should. You have a life to lead as well, you have health, mental and physical, to look after. You are a separate person. You have no legal obligation to care for another adult
- if ever your husband is or becomes physically violent then you should you get out asap - if necessary phone 999 - the police have a procedure for this. You should also phone Local Authority Adult Social Services if a crisis arises as, in such circumstances, it is their job to sort it out. If you feel you can't care for your husband then contact LA ASS.
- yes make sure you know all about your own and your husband's finances, pensions, care payments, etc., in whose name or names the property is is in. If you have a property in joint names you have right to live there and having such a right may well mean that the value of the property is disregarded in working out who pays for your husband's care needs if he has to go in a care home. There are limited care homes that can cope with violent dementia sufferers.
-what used to be called "cruelty" (physical or mental) is now, in divorce matters called "unreasonable behaviour" and is one of the grounds for a divorce to proceed straight away. If you think you will not be able to stay with your husband, whether you contemplate divorce or not, you should keep a diary of the times and the details of when and what happens on your husband's abuse or violence.
Having all the info may help you make an informed choice.
Best wishes