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How many carers feel lonely and isolated??

B72

Registered User
Jul 21, 2018
139
@AliceA, I really fear when we won’t be able to have a dog. I don’t expect we’ll be able to replace this one, if we’re being sensible. But they do help...
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,864
@AliceA, I really fear when we won’t be able to have a dog. I don’t expect we’ll be able to replace this one, if we’re being sensible. But they do help...
We felt too that it would not be fair to have a dog, we could not care for it as we would wish. I certainly could not walk it. I used to go on long walks with others and several dogs. My husband had a way with dogs too. Happy memories though. A local artist copied a photo for us, she caught the character so well.
I know someone with a Pat dog, she visits care homes, I must see if I can get her to visit.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,864
They have to because I don't get them very often.
We had a few days away early summer last year. It was a bit of a hassle. So breaks of any kind are not working at the moment. I am looking at an escorted one for a few days as I cannot manage without backup. We have to enjoy what we can, don't we.
 

B72

Registered User
Jul 21, 2018
139
@AliceA. One of the things I may well investigate when we can no longer have a dog, is fostering an older dog, which a Rescue Centre cannot rehome. It’s possible they would undertake to cover vet’s fees. Such an older dog wouldn’t need lots of exercise. The benefit to the Rescue Centre is that they wouldn’t have daily upkeep and would have room for another pet. I don’t need to tell you what the benefit would be for the foster carer.
 

Krug 22

Registered User
Dec 12, 2015
74
@AliceA. One of the things I may well investigate when we can no longer have a dog, is fostering an older dog, which a Rescue Centre cannot rehome. It’s possible they would undertake to cover vet’s fees. Such an older dog wouldn’t need lots of exercise. The benefit to the Rescue Centre is that they wouldn’t have daily upkeep and would have room for another pet. I don’t need to tell you what the benefit would be for the foster carer.
 

Krug 22

Registered User
Dec 12, 2015
74
I do not know if this helps but there is an organisation called The Cinnamon Trust. They take in dogs and cats when their owners go into hospital/residential care. They are looking for people to foster - they pay expenses/vet bills. It might be a good way to look after a pet and if anything did happen and you were not able to keep it, then it would go back to the Trust.
Re how lonely it is to be a carer - totally understand. Some days the only people I speak to are the dog walkers and the people int he local shop - I always go and get a paper although husband wanted me to have the paper delivered. It makes me do my hair and makeup. I think caring is soul destroying even for someone you love.....wish I still loved my husband but do not even like him.
 

B72

Registered User
Jul 21, 2018
139
Don’t the Cinnamon Trust also walk the dog if someone can’t walk it themselves any more? I seem to remember something like that.

I thank my lucky stars that we have a good relationship. Long may it continue. It must be really, really hard if you don’t. xx
 

imsoblue

Registered User
Feb 19, 2018
354
I do not know if this helps but there is an organisation called The Cinnamon Trust. They take in dogs and cats when their owners go into hospital/residential care. They are looking for people to foster - they pay expenses/vet bills. It might be a good way to look after a pet and if anything did happen and you were not able to keep it, then it would go back to the Trust.
Re how lonely it is to be a carer - totally understand. Some days the only people I speak to are the dog walkers and the people int he local shop - I always go and get a paper although husband wanted me to have the paper delivered. It makes me do my hair and makeup. I think caring is soul destroying even for someone you love.....wish I still loved my husband but do not even like him.
I know how you feel regarding the love/like feelings. I tried to sort it out on my recent getaway. OH has lost his personality. And he doesn't like me. I can't even say he just wants me to do things for him because I believe he is trying to give all his requests to his daughters. And why wouldn't I be so very happy about that? Because he is cutting me out of his life. That grieves me.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,864
Thinking about loneliness v being alone. Someone in the family and very close suggested my dearest love kept his brain active by researching on computer! He, so able, cannot programme anything so the computer is certainly not a good idea. The washing machine is a mystery. Just remembering to drink takes several prompts.
I felt upset because it just showed no understanding of the situation, the reality of it. The fact I am so tired, I never have time for a break.
Probably a bit low as appointments are bunching up and organising reliable transport a real problem.
So feeling really sorry for myself! Sometimes a bit of positivie empapthy is all we need, not unexpected unhelpful suggestions.
Sorry to unload.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,523
Thinking about loneliness v being alone. Someone in the family and very close suggested my dearest love kept his brain active by researching on computer! He, so able, cannot programme anything so the computer is certainly not a good idea. The washing machine is a mystery. Just remembering to drink takes several prompts.
I felt upset because it just showed no understanding of the situation, the reality of it. The fact I am so tired, I never have time for a break.
Probably a bit low as appointments are bunching up and organising reliable transport a real problem.
So feeling really sorry for myself! Sometimes a bit of positivie empapthy is all we need, not unexpected unhelpful suggestions.
Sorry to unload.
Oh God yes, darling, spare us all from helpful suggestions. My most bizarre encounter with this, interestingly enough, was in a professional situation. Keith was obliged to have a deprivation of liberty assessment at his care home. Nice young girl with a clip board and she was looking at Keith's file, where I had written his all about me, and said he was an award winning wildlife photographer, stuff like that. And she said had staff thought to take him out in the wheelchair so he could tell themwhat all the trees were ... After a long silence, while I pulled myself together and remembered she was a nice young girl, I explained that Keith would not know what a tree was ... In the end she had to admit he had er, rather high level of er needs ... with you sweetheart, you know that. all love, Gxxx
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,727
80
East of England
Thinking about loneliness v being alone. Someone in the family and very close suggested my dearest love kept his brain active by researching on computer! He, so able, cannot programme anything so the computer is certainly not a good idea. The washing machine is a mystery. Just remembering to drink takes several prompts.
I felt upset because it just showed no understanding of the situation, the reality of it. The fact I am so tired, I never have time for a break.
Probably a bit low as appointments are bunching up and organising reliable transport a real problem.
So feeling really sorry for myself! Sometimes a bit of positivie empapthy is all we need, not unexpected unhelpful suggestions.
Sorry to unload.
I can understand your feelings completely. I deal with it by not taking any notice of helpful ‘things to do’ suggestions. I too have been having to take my OH to Gp and hospital appointments and I find it very stressful because he tries to take charge as if he knows what he is doing which he doesn’t. I have to be very firm and ask him to let me show him where to go and what to do. He is unable to fill out the questionnaires, so I help and tell the consultant. So far this has worked but it is so wearying. Take heart and comfort yourself that you are doing the right thing.
 

Guzelle

Registered User
Aug 27, 2016
421
Sheffield
Thinking about loneliness v being alone. Someone in the family and very close suggested my dearest love kept his brain active by researching on computer! He, so able, cannot programme anything so the computer is certainly not a good idea. The washing machine is a mystery. Just remembering to drink takes several prompts.
I felt upset because it just showed no understanding of the situation, the reality of it. The fact I am so tired, I never have time for a break.
Probably a bit low as appointments are bunching up and organising reliable transport a real problem.
So feeling really sorry for myself! Sometimes a bit of positivie empapthy is all we need, not unexpected unhelpful suggestions.
Sorry to unload.
I had a psychiatrist visit us and suggested my OH could do some voluntary work to prevent boredom! He wouldn’t know how to get there, he can’t deal with money, he doesn’t know what day it is or know what time it is! Some professionals have no understanding of dementia at all even though they are working with dementia patients. It’s unbelievable
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,864
I can understand your feelings completely. I deal with it by not taking any notice of helpful ‘things to do’ suggestions. I too have been having to take my OH to Gp and hospital appointments and I find it very stressful because he tries to take charge as if he knows what he is doing which he doesn’t. I have to be very firm and ask him to let me show him where to go and what to do. He is unable to fill out the questionnaires, so I help and tell the consultant. So far this has worked but it is so wearying. Take heart and comfort yourself that you are doing the right thing.
Thank you, most of the time I do but just feeling a bit under the weather, so not very buoyant today. Just running out of energy! Things have built up I am having building work done. Juggling my appointments too. The person is very helpful but really doesn't listen, she just assumes!
I suppose we all make the best of it so it probably looks easier than it is. Thank you for your kind words.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,864
I had a psychiatrist visit us and suggested my OH could do some voluntary work to prevent boredom! He wouldn’t know how to get there, he can’t deal with money, he doesn’t know what day it is or know what time it is! Some professionals have no understanding of dementia at all even though they are working with dementia patients. It’s unbelievable
Oh God yes, darling, spare us all from helpful suggestions. My most bizarre encounter with this, interestingly enough, was in a professional situation. Keith was obliged to have a deprivation of liberty assessment at his care home. Nice young girl with a clip board and she was looking at Keith's file, where I had written his all about me, and said he was an award winning wildlife photographer, stuff like that. And she said had staff thought to take him out in the wheelchair so he could tell themwhat all the trees were ... After a long silence, while I pulled myself together and remembered she was a nice young girl, I explained that Keith would not know what a tree was ... In the end she had to admit he had er, rather high level of er needs ... with you sweetheart, you know that. all love, Gxxx
I can just imagine your thoughts! Made me smile even if ruefully! One encounter I had with a Psychriatrist, was with the wife of my employer some years ago, she was a child expert and author of books. When she had problems with her own she used to phone me for advice! Next Life I shall choose to be an expert! Doesn't matter of what I am sure I could use the salary wisely! :)
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,864
I had a psychiatrist visit us and suggested my OH could do some voluntary work to prevent boredom! He wouldn’t know how to get there, he can’t deal with money, he doesn’t know what day it is or know what time it is! Some professionals have no understanding of dementia at all even though they are working with dementia patients. It’s unbelievable
Oh God yes, darling, spare us all from helpful suggestions. My most bizarre encounter with this, interestingly enough, was in a professional situation. Keith was obliged to have a deprivation of liberty assessment at his care home. Nice young girl with a clip board and she was looking at Keith's file, where I had written his all about me, and said he was an award winning wildlife photographer, stuff like that. And she said had staff thought to take him out in the wheelchair so he could tell themwhat all the trees were ... After a long silence, while I pulled myself together and remembered she was a nice young girl, I explained that Keith would not know what a tree was ... In the end she had to admit he had er, rather high level of er needs ... with you sweetheart, you know that. all love, Gxxx
We have a Rollator, it is not the answer but it helps. When my 'advisor' saw him used it awkwardly she blamed my choice of design. I pointed out like many men he could not dance either! Both feet point outwards! I had already turned down the suggestion of an electric scooter, the camber of the village paths would have thrown him out in no time. What never is suggested is taking him out so I can have a break! Mind she is good in many ways, I just felt today she was the last straw! Thinking of you, I hope Keith is more responsive tomorrow. All love back xxx
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,864
I know how you feel regarding the love/like feelings. I tried to sort it out on my recent getaway. OH has lost his personality. And he doesn't like me. I can't even say he just wants me to do things for him because I believe he is trying to give all his requests to his daughters. And why wouldn't I be so very happy about that? Because he is cutting me out of his life. That grieves me.
It must be very hurtful, even when we know it is the illness it stabs the heart. I know my father vented his frustration onto me when he was ill. I truly believe it was because in his heart he knew I would never desert him, the people he was nice to had to be appeased. X
 

imsoblue

Registered User
Feb 19, 2018
354
I can just imagine your thoughts! Made me smile even if ruefully! One encounter I had with a Psychriatrist, was with the wife of my employer some years ago, she was a child expert and author of books. When she had problems with her own she used to phone me for advice! Next Life I shall choose to be an expert! Doesn't matter of what I am sure I could use the salary wisely! :)
I've heard an expert is someone from out of town that carries a briefcase. (of course, that was from a long time ago when a briefcase made you look important.)
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,864
I've heard an expert is someone from out of town that carries a briefcase. (of course, that was from a long time ago when a briefcase made you look important.)
ha,ha, what is the modern equivalent! Two mobiles? One for each ear? Thanks for the smile!
I do remember hearing the 'ex' in expert means past it!
I think it was Einstein who said Knowledge is experience everything else is merely theory! We do seem to have a lot using merely theory about. Take care of yourself. X
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,523
We have a Rollator, it is not the answer but it helps. When my 'advisor' saw him used it awkwardly she blamed my choice of design. I pointed out like many men he could not dance either! Both feet point outwards! I had already turned down the suggestion of an electric scooter, the camber of the village paths would have thrown him out in no time. What never is suggested is taking him out so I can have a break! Mind she is good in many ways, I just felt today she was the last straw! Thinking of you, I hope Keith is more responsive tomorrow. All love back xxx
Now that is interesting. Thank you. On the few occasions SS were obliged to see us, it would have made all the difference if they had made ME a cup of tea because no one else was ...
warmest, Geraldine aka kindredxxx (I am posting in mytea break at work. Will have toget off this soon and back to it!!)