• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

How many carers feel lonely and isolated??

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,514
South of the Border
The answer is not 'Go to a Support Group', 'Talk on the phone to someone', 'Have counselling'

It is the gut wrenching loneliness of living with someone who acts as though you are not there and only talks if he has a request.

He is polite, don't get me wrong, but I cannot initiate a conversation with him, and it's awful.

We went to a Bowling Club event on Friday - every single person in the room was sat eating, drinking and chatting to someone else. We were sat on our own, not talking to anyone or each other.. Everytime I bring up a subject I get a 'Yes' 'No' response.

I know its the dementia - but the weekends are so long, and I actually look forward to the postman coming or the Tesco delivery man - for someone to exchange a few words with.....

Well, at least it's Monday tomorrow and I might speak to someone
 

Amethyst59

Registered User
Jul 3, 2017
5,764
Kent
I’m finding it harder this month, as many of the groups we go to are not running. Once we have our routine of singing group, choir and regular lunch with friends running agin, I think life will be easier. I hope that is the case for you too.
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
@maryjoan Oh my goodness... you said it all for me. I don’t have a conversation with him, unless it’s about him and it’s something he wants. He won’t make a decision, not even how many slices of bread he wants, or corn flakes or porridge. It’s like our whole world is now on my shoulders, and I think... who is going to look after me, talk to me, love me, care that I’m struggling. He takes dislikes to people on the tv, and then I can’t even watch a programme I want to.
Life is so tough @maryjoan, but you are not alone, we are all here on TP with you xx
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,635
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Know how you feel as I even arranged to go off in our caravan alone and enjoyed 48 hours with no conversation at all as much more preferable than endless recycled TV programs and the constant conversations about them. On my own I was alone not lonely, at home with OH I am lonely though not alone and it is hard.
 

Paperweight

Registered User
May 8, 2018
30
Oh, that is so true.
How I relate to those post my oh in restpite for the week I have had a lovely weekend with our daughters .so why do I feel so lonely and no motivation this morning,all I keep thinking about is oh and guilty he is not at home .
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,933
South coast
Try and do something nice for yourself @Paperweight and ditch the guilt.
I have a days respite coming up and Im trying to plan what I can do. Its been such a long time since I had a whole day to myself Im not sure what to do, LOL
 

Paperweight

Registered User
May 8, 2018
30
I am going to take your advise canary ditch the guilt put my face on and go in to town ,and you get your thinking cap on for your day ,we have got to make most of our free days good luck LOL .
 

christmas

Registered User
Apr 27, 2014
206
Leicestershire
I was just the same Peter could not talk and we never went out because Peter would not go ,my sister would come round and I would tell her the same thing all the time because I never had anything else to tell her , I felt very lonely so I really feel for you I am sorry I am not much help ,Peter is in a home now and i am still lonely ,I thought when he went in the home I would go out more but now I don't want to ,if you do get the chance to go out go and enjoy it big hugs to you xxx
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,614
Kent
Shortly before mum died suddenly she said to me life had become isolating and dull because of dad's decline. The day she died I moved in with dad and I totally understood.
 

witts1973

Registered User
Jun 20, 2018
731
Leamington Spa
I have good days and bad days,we have carers that visit during the day and I look froward to seeing them and having a chat,but I often feel alone and worried,the shop workers must think I'm the biggest extrovert when I manage to get out of the house as I'm so pleased to have somebody to talk to I natter so much they probably think I'm on drugs
 

Guzelle

Registered User
Aug 27, 2016
421
Sheffield
Yes I do the weekend’s are lonely! I worked part time until last month and only gave up to look after OH as he was struggling on his own. But I am worried for my mental health because of the isolation. I am 59 and can’t get my state pension until I am 66. So I have to get used to mess money as well. He is going down hill, I notice a decline every week or so. My daughter does visit and go out with us during the school holidays as she is a teacher. He is so demanding of me, he hates it if I go out to meet friends even though he is capable of staying on his own for a few hours. I’m beginning to wonder if giving up work is the right thing to do, as at least I had a break from him when I was at work,
 

Angela57

Registered User
Jan 22, 2016
195
I was just the same Peter could not talk and we never went out because Peter would not go ,my sister would come round and I would tell her the same thing all the time because I never had anything else to tell her , I felt very lonely so I really feel for you I am sorry I am not much help ,Peter is in a home now and i am still lonely ,I thought when he went in the home I would go out more but now I don't want to ,if you do get the chance to go out go and enjoy it big hugs to you xxx
I understand exactly how you feel. I lived with my mum and looked after her 24/7, for 7 years. She wouldn't go out and often I was lucky to speak with anyone but her for days on end because I couldn't leave her alone. It's now 2 years since she went into a home and I thought things would be different too. But it isn't, I have to pluck up courage to even leave my home, while craving company. I force myself to go out alone, but always with butterfly in my stomach, trembling and racing heart. I'm relaxed when I go out occasionally with family though. I am lonely, but just don't feel like a normal member of society any longer. I am so drained and in my opinion mentally damaged myself now. I question my conversation capabilities and my own sanity now, I've lost all my confidence to the point that I can't even bring myself to go to my GP, I've seen how not understanding the professionals are towards carers too many times in my journey!
 

Angela57

Registered User
Jan 22, 2016
195
@maryjoan Oh my goodness... you said it all for me. I don’t have a conversation with him, unless it’s about him and it’s something he wants. He won’t make a decision, not even how many slices of bread he wants, or corn flakes or porridge. It’s like our whole world is now on my shoulders, and I think... who is going to look after me, talk to me, love me, care that I’m struggling. He takes dislikes to people on the tv, and then I can’t even watch a programme I want to.
Life is so tough @maryjoan, but you are not alone, we are all here on TP with you xx
Could you not have separate rooms to watch tv. Just a suggestion. That's what I ended up doing with my mum, she had sky and watched nothing other than football, which for me was worse than watching paint dry, so I installed a tv in the dining room for myself.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,144
I am going out on Friday for a hike with my local U3A I can't wait, I am so looking forward to it. It's a London walk and I will take my own lunch and we will have a picnic, we are walking the canals to Little Venice, I can't remember the last time I went it seems so long ago and it will be so nice to see the other walkers. I have had four days off in over a year now when my husband looked after dad for me. I am taking a bit of a chance as the last time he looked after dad my husband had a heart attack but fingers crossed he has been ok since then and it was back in April.

It seems ridiculous to me that I should be so excited about a flipping walk and it just shows how isolated we can become. A little trip out that most people would consider to be routine is now the highlight of my life. Just to chat to other people about something other than dementia will be so nice. Can't wait.
 

Angela57

Registered User
Jan 22, 2016
195
I am going out on Friday for a hike with my local U3A I can't wait, I am so looking forward to it. It's a London walk and I will take my own lunch and we will have a picnic, we are walking the canals to Little Venice, I can't remember the last time I went it seems so long ago and it will be so nice to see the other walkers. I have had four days off in over a year now when my husband looked after dad for me. I am taking a bit of a chance as the last time he looked after dad my husband had a heart attack but fingers crossed he has been ok since then and it was back in April.

It seems ridiculous to me that I should be so excited about a flipping walk and it just shows how isolated we can become. A little trip out that most people would consider to be routine is now the highlight of my life. Just to chat to other people about something other than dementia will be so nice. Can't wait.
Bless you! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!
 

Angela57

Registered User
Jan 22, 2016
195
The answer is not 'Go to a Support Group', 'Talk on the phone to someone', 'Have counselling'

It is the gut wrenching loneliness of living with someone who acts as though you are not there and only talks if he has a request.

He is polite, don't get me wrong, but I cannot initiate a conversation with him, and it's awful.

We went to a Bowling Club event on Friday - every single person in the room was sat eating, drinking and chatting to someone else. We were sat on our own, not talking to anyone or each other.. Everytime I bring up a subject I get a 'Yes' 'No' response.

I know its the dementia - but the weekends are so long, and I actually look forward to the postman coming or the Tesco delivery man - for someone to exchange a few words with.....

Well, at least it's Monday tomorrow and I might speak to someone
I'm so sorry for replying too much to your post maryjoan. I just really understand and wish it was different for you and everyone else who feel so lonely, thanks to your caring for someone with dementia. For me, even the professionals only appeared to be concerned about my parents, never me. I was just my parents voice when they had lost the ability to explain for themselves. And it was lonely, I do feel for you, because my journey is ahead of yours at this moment, and my parents are now in homes. My advice to you would be get out as much as possible, and try to keep a little of your own life going before it's too late, if that's at all possible for you.

Take care

Ang
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
116,923
Messages
1,710,523
Members
67,684
Latest member
Susan53