For those who have loved ones in nursing homes, how did you go about selecting the right one?
Mum is talking more about it being 'time' she went into a hospice (although none of the hospices round here will take people with dementia) and there are a few nursing homes that do dementia and end of life care.
I've definitely ruled one out, because she went there for a fortnight's respite care a couple of years ago and I really wish I had reported them to the CQC when she came out, but I suppose we just wanted to get her home and forget about it and there was an element of not really knowing how much of what mum said and did was delirium and how much was genuine neglect. However, there are a few 'definites'.
* Mum has a pre-entry home visit where both she and I said that although there hadn't been a formal diagnosis via Memory Clinic, her GP had said she did appear to have some form of dementia. However, as it was only weeks after losing her husband and we were still getting to grips with everything too, we hadn't pushed her to go.
* Mum and I also also explained she had Age-related Macular Degeneration and as Mum was having one of her lucid days, she was able to actually explain to the lady who did the assessment what she could and couldn't see.
* I clearly told the assessor that Mum liked to wear her proper shoes and socks at all times during the day, as it gave her more confidence standing and walking (in the days when she could walk a bit)
* I clearly said Mum liked to have her tissues and talking clock with her at all times.
* The one thing Mum was really looking forward to was a proper hot bath in a bath tub and this was promised!
Just prior to Mum going home, I had a bit of showdown with the Manager and asked to look through her file and found the following:
'visual impairment - none'
'cogniative impairment - none'
Each day, when we visited, we found Mum left sitting utterly confused, with a cold cup of weak tea left out of reach and depending on the day, stocking feet; tissues missing; clock missing; zimmer frame missing ('we don't know where it is' said the carer I asked - before I pointed out it was in the other room, with Mum's name and room number on, which I had written on in Sharpie marker on Day 1! "How do you know that one is hers?" I was asked!!!
One evening, I visited a bit later in the evening and Mum said she wanted to go to bed, so I assisted the 2 carers and her urine was as dark as I've ever seen it and stank to high heaven. I asked if she had an infection, or was dehydrated, "oh, I don't know" was the reply.
She never had a bath. She never joined in any activities and every time I queried something, I was treated as though I was a nuisance and the staff seemed more concerned about defending themselves and making excuses than Mum's welfare. Even her GP, who was a regular visitor to the care home said, "what have they done to her?!"
Mum went in able to feed herself, use a normal cup and hold a conversation. She came out thinking she was living where she lived as a child and being wrapped in a big PVC bib, spoon fed and drinking through a straw. I do understand PWD can go backwards for a few weeks at first...now...but that wasn't explained to me back then!
This place has 5 star reviews on the care home UK site, but some really scary ones on the facebook page and locally, it's reputation is really like Marmite - it's either 'wonderful' or 'absolutely terrible'.
I know Mum could go somewhere for respite for a week or two weeks, but if she went downhill and got really confused, we'd be none the wiser. I've seen other local nursing homes on facebook and some that have amazing reviews post pictures of residents surrounded by streamers, buntings, cakes etc., with captions about celebrations, parties and activities and in all honesty, the residents look either confused or bored senseless. If I saw a picture of Mum like that it would break my heart as all of us at home try so hard to tailor everything just to her and find activities that suit her and she will enjoy but only when she's up for them.
So, how do you choose a nursing home? To look at the website and reviews and even the CQC report of the place she went in for respite, you'd think it was absolutely wonderful! I'm starting to feel like every home I investigate 'talks the talk' .....
Mum is talking more about it being 'time' she went into a hospice (although none of the hospices round here will take people with dementia) and there are a few nursing homes that do dementia and end of life care.
I've definitely ruled one out, because she went there for a fortnight's respite care a couple of years ago and I really wish I had reported them to the CQC when she came out, but I suppose we just wanted to get her home and forget about it and there was an element of not really knowing how much of what mum said and did was delirium and how much was genuine neglect. However, there are a few 'definites'.
* Mum has a pre-entry home visit where both she and I said that although there hadn't been a formal diagnosis via Memory Clinic, her GP had said she did appear to have some form of dementia. However, as it was only weeks after losing her husband and we were still getting to grips with everything too, we hadn't pushed her to go.
* Mum and I also also explained she had Age-related Macular Degeneration and as Mum was having one of her lucid days, she was able to actually explain to the lady who did the assessment what she could and couldn't see.
* I clearly told the assessor that Mum liked to wear her proper shoes and socks at all times during the day, as it gave her more confidence standing and walking (in the days when she could walk a bit)
* I clearly said Mum liked to have her tissues and talking clock with her at all times.
* The one thing Mum was really looking forward to was a proper hot bath in a bath tub and this was promised!
Just prior to Mum going home, I had a bit of showdown with the Manager and asked to look through her file and found the following:
'visual impairment - none'
'cogniative impairment - none'
Each day, when we visited, we found Mum left sitting utterly confused, with a cold cup of weak tea left out of reach and depending on the day, stocking feet; tissues missing; clock missing; zimmer frame missing ('we don't know where it is' said the carer I asked - before I pointed out it was in the other room, with Mum's name and room number on, which I had written on in Sharpie marker on Day 1! "How do you know that one is hers?" I was asked!!!
One evening, I visited a bit later in the evening and Mum said she wanted to go to bed, so I assisted the 2 carers and her urine was as dark as I've ever seen it and stank to high heaven. I asked if she had an infection, or was dehydrated, "oh, I don't know" was the reply.
She never had a bath. She never joined in any activities and every time I queried something, I was treated as though I was a nuisance and the staff seemed more concerned about defending themselves and making excuses than Mum's welfare. Even her GP, who was a regular visitor to the care home said, "what have they done to her?!"
Mum went in able to feed herself, use a normal cup and hold a conversation. She came out thinking she was living where she lived as a child and being wrapped in a big PVC bib, spoon fed and drinking through a straw. I do understand PWD can go backwards for a few weeks at first...now...but that wasn't explained to me back then!
This place has 5 star reviews on the care home UK site, but some really scary ones on the facebook page and locally, it's reputation is really like Marmite - it's either 'wonderful' or 'absolutely terrible'.
I know Mum could go somewhere for respite for a week or two weeks, but if she went downhill and got really confused, we'd be none the wiser. I've seen other local nursing homes on facebook and some that have amazing reviews post pictures of residents surrounded by streamers, buntings, cakes etc., with captions about celebrations, parties and activities and in all honesty, the residents look either confused or bored senseless. If I saw a picture of Mum like that it would break my heart as all of us at home try so hard to tailor everything just to her and find activities that suit her and she will enjoy but only when she's up for them.
So, how do you choose a nursing home? To look at the website and reviews and even the CQC report of the place she went in for respite, you'd think it was absolutely wonderful! I'm starting to feel like every home I investigate 'talks the talk' .....