how do you explain covid -19 social bubbles ....

[DesperateofDevon]

aged mothers "sundowning " is increasing & i worry for her safety
yesterday the hallucinations were vivid & carers kept reassuring her but it must be terrifying
hope to hear back from CMHT soon

 

[jugglingmum]

hoping that a cure etc will be found soon x

I suspect we are at least 12 months and more likely 2 years away from a widely available vaccine, if at all, they have never produced an effective vaccine for the known coronaviruses.

As I heard on the radio today we lived with polio and TB as part of life until very very recently.

 

[Duggies-girl]

I have been wondering about you @DesperateofDevon I don't post much lately but I do still read others posts (old habits I suppose) Sorry to hear about your mums progress but it sounds like the carers are good, shame about the neighbour though.

The lock down is not helping anybody, I just can't get on with anything. I start things but don't finish them like I used to, it's all very strange. Fathers day doesn't help either.

I hope you get to see your son soon, not likely this year but maybe next year. Have a long trip and make the most of it. Maybe he could come here. At least we have contact via skype and zoom nowadays.

When I was 8 my best friend emigrated to Australia with her family. We wrote to each other for years but the letters took six weeks or so to arrive. She came back when she was a teenager and we remained best friends until she died some years ago.

Hope things improve for you soon.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I suspect we are at least 12 months and more likely 2 years away from a widely available vaccine, if at all, they have never produced an effective vaccine for the known coronaviruses.

As I heard on the radio today we lived with polio and TB as part of life until very very recently.

Well folks seem to be living with it ok from what's on the news .....
had interesting conversation with Mums GP - still no news on care package but very supportive in every other way
So i'm still socially distancing - from life.... it feels at times !
Accepting this is going to be the way of life is fine it's just the complacency of some of the public i find frustrating !
hope you are well & coping xx

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I have been wondering about you @DesperateofDevon I don't post much lately but I do still read others posts (old habits I suppose) Sorry to hear about your mums progress but it sounds like the carers are good, shame about the neighbour though.

The lock down is not helping anybody, I just can't get on with anything. I start things but don't finish them like I used to, it's all very strange. Fathers day doesn't help either.

I hope you get to see your son soon, not likely this year but maybe next year. Have a long trip and make the most of it. Maybe he could come here. At least we have contact via skype and zoom nowadays.

When I was 8 my best friend emigrated to Australia with her family. We wrote to each other for years but the letters took six weeks or so to arrive. She came back when she was a teenager and we remained best friends until she died some years ago.

Hope things improve for you soon.

Look after yourself sweetheart, i'm happy pottering in my garden ! i've accepted this is just the way it is - carers are lovely & i get to speak to them .... sadly Mums not great on the phone - she doesn't think she's got one mostly!
dementia & modern day technology not always a match made in heaven !
xxx

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Hi. Yes it’s next June now. 3 days short of Ciaran’s 31st birthday. Still time to lose weight. I have bought myself a trike ?

go girl! xx

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Hi D of D.
I was thinking of you just this afternoon and wondering how you were doing.

Im sorry its all so stressful, but honestly I think you are doing the right thing under the circumstances. You have been doing too much for too long. Look after yourself
xx

Hello lovely , i've been remiss in keeping in touch but life all got a bit much - actually still is at times!
growing veg in containers has been my therapy & have been very inventive in up cycling anything into a mini veg allotment! xx

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I have been wondering about you @DesperateofDevon I don't post much lately but I do still read others posts (old habits I suppose) Sorry to hear about your mums progress but it sounds like the carers are good, shame about the neighbour though.

The lock down is not helping anybody, I just can't get on with anything. I start things but don't finish them like I used to, it's all very strange. Fathers day doesn't help either.

I hope you get to see your son soon, not likely this year but maybe next year. Have a long trip and make the most of it. Maybe he could come here. At least we have contact via skype and zoom nowadays.

When I was 8 my best friend emigrated to Australia with her family. We wrote to each other for years but the letters took six weeks or so to arrive. She came back when she was a teenager and we remained best friends until she died some years ago.

Hope things improve for you soon.

father's day was very hard ... still not feeling great
sending love & hugs xxx

 

[TNJJ]

Hello lovely , i've been remiss in keeping in touch but life all got a bit much - actually still is at times!
growing veg in containers has been my therapy & have been very inventive in up cycling anything into a mini veg allotment! xx

I have been doing the same. Loads of potatoes ?I have just bought myself a greenhouse. My goal this year is to finish my garden.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

my head around this situation that dementia has landed us all in.

visited aged mother on Sunday for the first time in months .... oh dear - doesn't really cover it !!

hallucinations are 24/7 - as are disorientation / confusion etc.

if i hadn't had the experience with Dad in a care home tbh- we have reached that stage.

Aged Mothers personality traits are exaggerated & fortunately she sleeps mostly.

Frustratingly a few years ago we had tried to persuade her to move closer to us - two an a half hours ( each way) on the A30 can easily turn into 6 hours each way in Summer & covid -19 hasn't changed that !
My deep sadness & grief is now Aged Mother is asking to move closer to us or actually in with us.
i feel so sad as this isn't an option we have stairs so the bathrooms aren't easily accessible - as Aged Mother suffers with incontinence & mobility issues & requires carers 4 times a day & now nightsitters ....my heart is breaking for her.
i can't sleep with the worry of it all - on top of that a neighbour of Aged Mothers is making unreasonable requests & that matter has now been handed over to a solicitor as i can no longer cope with anything else.
how pathetic !
i used to be strong - decisive - dynamic now i live in fear of emails & phone calls

dreading the rambling phone calls from Aged Mother - knowing what's she wants from me i can't give her. 24/7 attention.

I'm grieving for my Dad & the manner in which he passed ....i'm grieving the decline of Aged Mother .... it's all too much now for me to cope with.

Frustratingly family feel i need to snap out of it ... it makes me feel worse & more isolated than ever ...

The waiting for Drs/ Mental Health Teams to get back to you is now hampered by covid -19 longer delays .... but the constant worry about what happens when Aged Mothers alone slowly eats away at me.
im exhausted constantly , emotionally drained - life lost its lustre many years ago as dementia tainted everything it touched.

it's just me... husband / daughter caught up in work & their life - meanwhile i have nothing to contribute anymore .... i'm drained & exhausted by Aged Mothers situation.

i'm afraid of Aged Mothers outbursts & hate to be on my own with her ... how sad that makes me. Aged Mother talks of striking out , punching the delusions & i fear her striking out at me as has happened historically. I cannot find resolution to issues - waiting months for replies from mental health teams; it's not their fault i know as the person i try to contact only works one half day a week & job shares - everything has been pared back over the years that now it's just a broken system hobbling along !
BUT ... Aged Mothers decline isn't going away & accessing help has just become so much harder due to covid -19

It's hard enough explaining covid -19 & the impacts of it to a mentally capable person... how to explain the issues arising because of a pandemic to someone in late stage dementia is just another impossibility to try & work around ....

I'm lucky i know as my Aged Mother doesn't live with me - we have a care package 4 times a day . Her neighbours aren't neighbourly but the carers are angels in my eyes & that's what's important ..... i keep telling myself that over & over again. Still the guilt monkey sits heavily on my shoulders & nags constantly, chipping away 24/7

It's not like i can just pop in to check on her - the drive isn't an option due to my own health issues & financially it's just unaffordable.

Aged Mother chose to live where she lives - her life she said was their ... now there is nothing left of that previous lifestyle. Covid -19 plays a big part in that .... but Aged Mother doesn't understand

So round & round in my head it all goes & i hope that the great natural conclusion will happen to stop this merry - go - round of emotions & worries. A merry - go - round not of my choosing or making yet i constantly deal with the consequences of Aged Mothers actions & choices over the years that are now all coming home to roost.

My own life has spluttered to a stop .. the weight of responsibility of duty of care now feeling unbearably heavy & tearing at the very fabric of my being.

i'm waiting just constantly waiting for replies from Drs / mental health / CHC & sadly ultimately for Aged Mother to die..... & i have been here before ..... i know the pain of what's to come & it feels too much, a path too recently walked to be ventured on again so soon & under these circumstances of covid -19.

i'm sharing my innermost darkest thoughts & feelings with you ... i hope those who read will not judge & maybe just maybe someone might find comfort in my words that you are not alone in this journey you did not choose

virtual hugs to you all
xxxxxxx

 

[TNJJ]

my head around this situation that dementia has landed us all in.

visited aged mother on Sunday for the first time in months .... oh dear - doesn't really cover it !!

hallucinations are 24/7 - as are disorientation / confusion etc.

if i hadn't had the experience with Dad in a care home tbh- we have reached that stage.

Aged Mothers personality traits are exaggerated & fortunately she sleeps mostly.

Frustratingly a few years ago we had tried to persuade her to move closer to us - two an a half hours ( each way) on the A30 can easily turn into 6 hours each way in Summer & covid -19 hasn't changed that !
My deep sadness & grief is now Aged Mother is asking to move closer to us or actually in with us.
i feel so sad as this isn't an option we have stairs so the bathrooms aren't easily accessible - as Aged Mother suffers with incontinence & mobility issues & requires carers 4 times a day & now nightsitters ....my heart is breaking for her.
i can't sleep with the worry of it all - on top of that a neighbour of Aged Mothers is making unreasonable requests & that matter has now been handed over to a solicitor as i can no longer cope with anything else.
how pathetic !
i used to be strong - decisive - dynamic now i live in fear of emails & phone calls

dreading the rambling phone calls from Aged Mother - knowing what's she wants from me i can't give her. 24/7 attention.

I'm grieving for my Dad & the manner in which he passed ....i'm grieving the decline of Aged Mother .... it's all too much now for me to cope with.

Frustratingly family feel i need to snap out of it ... it makes me feel worse & more isolated than ever ...

The waiting for Drs/ Mental Health Teams to get back to you is now hampered by covid -19 longer delays .... but the constant worry about what happens when Aged Mothers alone slowly eats away at me.
im exhausted constantly , emotionally drained - life lost its lustre many years ago as dementia tainted everything it touched.

it's just me... husband / daughter caught up in work & their life - meanwhile i have nothing to contribute anymore .... i'm drained & exhausted by Aged Mothers situation.

i'm afraid of Aged Mothers outbursts & hate to be on my own with her ... how sad that makes me. Aged Mother talks of striking out , punching the delusions & i fear her striking out at me as has happened historically. I cannot find resolution to issues - waiting months for replies from mental health teams; it's not their fault i know as the person i try to contact only works one half day a week & job shares - everything has been pared back over the years that now it's just a broken system hobbling along !
BUT ... Aged Mothers decline isn't going away & accessing help has just become so much harder due to covid -19

It's hard enough explaining covid -19 & the impacts of it to a mentally capable person... how to explain the issues arising because of a pandemic to someone in late stage dementia is just another impossibility to try & work around ....

I'm lucky i know as my Aged Mother doesn't live with me - we have a care package 4 times a day . Her neighbours aren't neighbourly but the carers are angels in my eyes & that's what's important ..... i keep telling myself that over & over again. Still the guilt monkey sits heavily on my shoulders & nags constantly, chipping away 24/7

It's not like i can just pop in to check on her - the drive isn't an option due to my own health issues & financially it's just unaffordable.

Aged Mother chose to live where she lives - her life she said was their ... now there is nothing left of that previous lifestyle. Covid -19 plays a big part in that .... but Aged Mother doesn't understand

So round & round in my head it all goes & i hope that the great natural conclusion will happen to stop this merry - go - round of emotions & worries. A merry - go - round not of my choosing or making yet i constantly deal with the consequences of Aged Mothers actions & choices over the years that are now all coming home to roost.

My own life has spluttered to a stop .. the weight of responsibility of duty of care now feeling unbearably heavy & tearing at the very fabric of my being.

i'm waiting just constantly waiting for replies from Drs / mental health / CHC & sadly ultimately for Aged Mother to die..... & i have been here before ..... i know the pain of what's to come & it feels too much, a path too recently walked to be ventured on again so soon & under these circumstances of covid -19.

i'm sharing my innermost darkest thoughts & feelings with you ... i hope those who read will not judge & maybe just maybe someone might find comfort in my words that you are not alone in this journey you did not choose

virtual hugs to you all
xxxxxxx

I’m so sorry to hear this. None of us judge as none of us are in your shoes. But as far as understanding we do.
At the moment dads health and mobility is declining and I have been thinking “How much longer can this go on for “.Already 4 years. So I do understand. ((Hugs is all I can give you) plus my understanding. ((((Hugs... Big ones)))

 

[DesperateofDevon]

It's almost like i'm in tune with Aged Mothers distress... i know that doesn't make sense !
just had call from alarm company they called the police out to do a welfare check .... this seems to be a recurring pattern

I'm just sad that i can't seem to get any answers for her or help - let alone an assessment !

This isn't living for her or for me .... sadly dementias ripples are wide reaching ! & i am one of the lucky ones.....
xx
(((hugs)))

 

[Sarasa]

Sorry if this is totally not likely to happen, but could you move your mum to a care home near you @DesperateofDevon ? You mum seems increasingly unsafe at home, your home isn't suitable (even if you would consider her living with you) and I guess you don't want to up sticks and move near her. I know you had a horrendous experience with your dad, but not all homes are like that and now you know things to look for that could cause you concern I'm sure you'd find somewhere that would suit. I know it is all horribly tricky at the moment with Covid 19 etc, but it sounds like your mum will end up being taken to hospital and discharged to a home soon anyway, so it would be good to organise something that makes your life a little espier.

{{{hugs}}}

 

[Woo2]

No one is going to judge you @DesperateofDevon I’m sorry it’s all so difficult for you , sending hugs ? ? Hope your veg growing is still yielding for you . X

 

[canary]

I was thinking about you only today
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

You mentioned that the police are relularly being called out for a welfare check - they are going to be sending reports out to Social Services. I think crunch time may be soon......

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Sorry if this is totally not likely to happen, but could you move your mum to a care home near you @DesperateofDevon ? You mum seems increasingly unsafe at home, your home isn't suitable (even if you would consider her living with you) and I guess you don't want to up sticks and move near her. I know you had a horrendous experience with your dad, but not all homes are like that and now you know things to look for that could cause you concern I'm sure you'd find somewhere that would suit. I know it is all horribly tricky at the moment with Covid 19 etc, but it sounds like your mum will end up being taken to hospital and discharged to a home soon anyway, so it would be good to organise something that makes your life a little espier.

{{{hugs}}}

just had the mental health team on the phone & yes we have hit crisis point .
lovely lady has referred Aged Mother to the top of the pile ! assessment will be done !!!

Aged Mothers response to police visit is to demolish the door bell box up on the wall!

Obviously still having the temper tantrums & wielding walking sticks

I'm just relieved an assessment is now in the pipeline .......shame crisis point hit again for it to happen but lovely to hear someone qualified say this isn't normal or right !

Given the events with Dad & the safeguarding investigation being investigated - me having nervous breakdown because of it ; let's just hope a resolution can be found as we have already been told that Mum doesn't have to go into a home due to exceptional circumstances ( Dads care home experience)

i couldn't face the care home package again so soon if ever - our MP is investigating it & using it as a how not to model in the social care reform bill they are working on

Positive - i have stopped crying !
can't see out of swollen eyes very well but hey at least i'm not dehydrating via leaky eye syndrome !

Thanks peeps for letting me vent & listening xxxxxx

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I was thinking about you only today
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

You mentioned that the police are relularly being called out for a welfare check - they are going to be sending reports out to Social Services. I think crunch time may be soon......

yep crunch time hit !
?

aged mothers now destroyed the cover to the door bell - but hey at least it was an inanimate object she's vented her frustrations on !

When we were down on Sunday lots of broken china in boxes hidden away - so not surprised at this latest outburst !

Now we are back in the system but top of the list ....

i'm so tired .....but relieved something is now happening & to be told it's a crisis..... how strange how dementia sucks you into the belief all this is normal / acceptable - think i'm going to sleep well tonight

 

[DesperateofDevon]

No one is going to judge you @DesperateofDevon I’m sorry it’s all so difficult for you , sending hugs ? ? Hope your veg growing is still yielding for you . X

My veg is producing & the garden is normally my escape - but even today that didn't work !
on the positive crisis reached & action now being taken ........

Think i will sleep tonight a little better
(((( hugs )))

 

[Woo2]

Hope for better/brighter days for you soon . Take care and hope you sleep well. X

 

[DesperateofDevon]

so Aged Mothers destroyed the doorbell cover & now live wires are exposed - add to that the home care cover plan insurance can't find an electrician to call out & carers want it deactivated tonight !

Hubby not driving down as we haven't a foggiest about electrics etc ... & he's had enough !

i understand but...... oh that good nights sleep is going to evade me again me thinks !!!

yep good old aged mother - icing on the cake again !

oh well let's hope the property doesn't catch alight as she would never hear the smoke alarm!

So care home recommendations anyone please ! ?
i seriously can't do this anymore ........