how do you explain covid -19 social bubbles ....

[DesperateofDevon]

it's been a long time since i've posted folks.
self healing ... then along came a virus & my little snow globe world got shaken up yet again!

i'm lucky mum has carers 4 times a day but that also means we can't enter her house & sit with her in the new social bubble scheme!

The protection of a dying old woman - isolating her from the faces she knows has destroyed me .... Social Care is strict on what breaks a contract .... so aged mother now can't put a sentence together .... telephone conversations are a no go !
i have written several times a week - sent photos printed off on the computer

repeated emergency calls by carers for ambulances but Mum has a DNR - 3 months & still waiting for an emergency CMHT assessment to access the CHC that's already been agreed.

I thought Dads experience was shocking ---- but the saving grace in all of this are the wonderful carers & company they work for.

Dementia not only changes those who are diagnosed with it but the nearest & dearest .....

Will i be allowed to see my Mum without breaking the social care guidelines & rules .... ?

i asked the GP for an exemption given the circumstances ......

i asked the govt website for guidance & compassion in exceptional circumstances......

.....mostly i function .... whom i kidding .... i'm broken in new & different ways .....

so folks ... all i can say is self rescue .... practise it daily .... it helps a little & sometimes a lot

 

[TNJJ]

it's been a long time since i've posted folks.
self healing ... then along came a virus & my little snow globe world got shaken up yet again!

i'm lucky mum has carers 4 times a day but that also means we can't enter her house & sit with her in the new social bubble scheme!

The protection of a dying old woman - isolating her from the faces she knows has destroyed me .... Social Care is strict on what breaks a contract .... so aged mother now can't put a sentence together .... telephone conversations are a no go !
i have written several times a week - sent photos printed off on the computer

repeated emergency calls by carers for ambulances but Mum has a DNR - 3 months & still waiting for an emergency CMHT assessment to access the CHC that's already been agreed.

I thought Dads experience was shocking ---- but the saving grace in all of this are the wonderful carers & company they work for.

Dementia not only changes those who are diagnosed with it but the nearest & dearest .....

Will i be allowed to see my Mum without breaking the social care guidelines & rules .... ?

i asked the GP for an exemption given the circumstances ......

i asked the govt website for guidance & compassion in exceptional circumstances......

.....mostly i function .... whom i kidding .... i'm broken in new & different ways .....

so folks ... all i can say is self rescue .... practise it daily .... it helps a little & sometimes a lot

I’m sorry to hear this. I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are.
Would the carers not allow you in to visit your mum.? Even when they are not there??

 

[DesperateofDevon]

carers are fine with it but it breaks the social care contract ... & we are worried about that as things have gotten very difficult with a neighbour ......... ( they make programs about this sort! poor aged mother is being used as an excuse for the house not selling !!!)

lockdown has been eventful
We have had 999 calls for police / ambulances / multitude of GP visits .....

un be-known to us a neighbour repaired the house alarm Mum cut through - we then had it deactivated ....... now it's been deactivated again after Aged Mother-set it of at 5am!

Poor old thing is stone deaf & cant process words anymore .... hallucinations etc daily occurrence ....

same old .... really just more frequent now ...

How are you ?

xx

 

[TNJJ]

carers are fine with it but it breaks the social care contract ... & we are worried about that as things have gotten very difficult with a neighbour ......... ( they make programs about this sort! poor aged mother is being used as an excuse for the house not selling !!!)

lockdown has been eventful
We have had 999 calls for police / ambulances / multitude of GP visits .....

un be-known to us a neighbour repaired the house alarm Mum cut through - we then had it deactivated ....... now it's been deactivated again after Aged Mother-set it of at 5am!

Poor old thing is stone deaf & cant process words anymore .... hallucinations etc daily occurrence ....

same old .... really just more frequent now ...

How are you ?

xx

I'm ok.Just about holding it together for both of them.I had to stay with dad for 4 says as the carers thought dad had Covid but he didn't.But they left him for a week.That was fun especially with the paramedics.Dad is progressing health wise and has to go for a kidney scan at some point.I have been diagnosed with diverticular disease...So normal days really.

 

[Weasell]

I would be doing exactly what I wanted.
( Unless my husband was a career politician!)
The problem is that making the decision you are going to see someone burdens you with responsibility should the person contract the virus.
At the moment if they contract the virus you will not carry the responsibility, the minute you are added on the visitor list if they become unwell you will feel terrible. That is the trade off.
If we think it through Carers go in , who stand a high chance of being contaminated due to them visiting multiple houses.
Families who go nowhere, see no one and think a visit to Waitrose is the height of danger stay away?
Sorry, I know my opinion will not please people but one reason we have a forum is so people can hear and choose different opinions, it is not the bbc!

 

[Sarasa]

I was wondering today how you were @DesperateofDevon. I'm glad your mother has a good care company looking after, but very odd of a neighbour to blame her for her house not selling.
As for visiting. My husband's mother, who has dementia, lives in her own home. Her only carers are her children. Her other son is there at least twice a day and her two daughters go once a week or so. My husband put off going for ages but did go for the night a couple of weeks ago. Yes there is the worry if you introduce the virus, but my husband was desperate to see his mother and to give his brother a bit of a break. I'd like to see her too, as she's one of my best friends, but I'm not going till a lot further down the line.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I would be doing exactly what I wanted.
( Unless my husband was a career politician!)
The problem is that making the decision you are going to see someone burdens you with responsibility should the person contract the virus.
At the moment if they contract the virus you will not carry the responsibility, the minute you are added on the visitor list if they become unwell you will feel terrible. That is the trade off.
If we think it through Carers go in , who stand a high chance of being contaminated due to them visiting multiple houses.
Families who go nowhere, see no one and think a visit to Waitrose is the height of danger stay away?
Sorry, I know my opinion will not please people but one reason we have a forum is so people can hear and choose different opinions, it is not the bbc!

if we go in before the govt rules say it's allowed as Mum has a social care funding with the county council we would be breaking that contract. As we are looking to get CHC now it's the usual system but eons slower.
As i'm disabled i can't look after Mum & we live 2 an a half hours away.
Life's complicated & i have been socially isolating myself - still yet to venture near others as i have a very lowered immune system ...... plus we live in the south west & the infection rate is growing with a lot of new cases locally .... life's never as simple as you think it will be.

I haven't seen my son in two years - since he went to Australia -------i'm determined that i will see him again & if that means wrapping myself up into a little bubble until this virus is contained then that's what i'm going to do.
So i might seem selfish to those who don't know my journey ... but i've been a carer most of my life & now my own health isn't great my priorities must be & are my children &husband. i have even put my business on the back burner ...i'm determined to survive

 

[Weasell]

if we go in before the govt rules say it's allowed as Mum has a social care funding with the county council we would be breaking that contract. As we are looking to get CHC now it's the usual system but eons slower.
As i'm disabled i can't look after Mum & we live 2 an a half hours away.
Life's complicated & i have been socially isolating myself - still yet to venture near others as i have a very lowered immune system ...... plus we live in the south west & the infection rate is growing with a lot of new cases locally .... life's never as simple as you think it will be.

I haven't seen my son in two years - since he went to Australia -------i'm determined that i will see him again & if that means wrapping myself up into a little bubble until this virus is contained then that's what i'm going to do.
So i might seem selfish to those who don't know my journey ... but i've been a carer most of my life & now my own health isn't great my priorities must be & are my children &husband. i have even put my business on the back burner ...i'm determined to survive

It doesn’t sound selfish to me at all.
This dreadful virus is forcing so many people to make very hard decisions.
From the circumstances your decision sounds very considered and intelligent to me.
And we are so ‘ not out of the woods yet’ !
wishing you well

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I'm ok.Just about holding it together for both of them.I had to stay with dad for 4 says as the carers thought dad had Covid but he didn't.But they left him for a week.That was fun especially with the paramedics.Dad is progressing health wise and has to go for a kidney scan at some point.I have been diagnosed with diverticular disease...So normal days really.

oh lovely i'm sorry that's a nasty disease, you have answers now & i hope you are managing it ok.

Aged Mothers been non responsive a few times - first time mothering sunday !
Quite a few moments where we thought this is it .... but she rallies again & again.
The Lewy bodies side of the dementia is obvious now, but we are following her wishes that she wants to remain at home.
I will be honest not driving for 5 hours each weekend for a short visit( - aged mother sleeps mostly ) during lockdown has been a much needed respite & has given me a chance to grieve for Dad. Also come to terms with the Tummy mummy's death & the circumstances.
Still find most of the week is taken up sorting out Aged Mothers paperwork etc, but at least i have some balance in life atm.

Sadly Aged Mothers life decisions are now having consequences - at one point we nearly got her to move closer to us ........ hindsight tells me not pushing it was the right decision. The carers are fantastic & appreciative that we have kept away during the lockdown ....... Aged mother has no concept of social distancing ...... but she's still capable of emotional blackmail & it raises its ugly heard from time to time.
I promised my son i would look after myself & seeing his distress at my own poor health was a big wake up call.

Think a lot of folks don't realise that the same rules for carehomes apply to those having home care , but i've grown a much thicker skin since last year & the experience.

Guess the wedding has been put on pause?
How disappointing ... but knowing me & my time warp i expect it's been & gone without a hitch !

take care lovely
xx

 

[DesperateofDevon]

It doesn’t sound selfish to me at all.
This dreadful virus is forcing so many people to make very hard decisions.
From the circumstances your decision sounds very considered and intelligent to me.
And we are so ‘ not out of the woods yet’ !
wishing you well

Bless you xx
life's been a funny old road to travel over recent years
Stay safe & well

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I was wondering today how you were @DesperateofDevon. I'm glad your mother has a good care company looking after, but very odd of a neighbour to blame her for her house not selling.
As for visiting. My husband's mother, who has dementia, lives in her own home. Her only carers are her children. Her other son is there at least twice a day and her two daughters go once a week or so. My husband put off going for ages but did go for the night a couple of weeks ago. Yes there is the worry if you introduce the virus, but my husband was desperate to see his mother and to give his brother a bit of a break. I'd like to see her too, as she's one of my best friends, but I'm not going till a lot further down the line.

Is it horrid of me to say that i'm more worried about picking up the virus from visiting her than giving it to her ...... yep i'm now officially horrid! but honest !
Aged Mother has lived her life under her terms & ive tried my best ... but at the end of the day i cannot just erase history & rewrite it to make it more palatable. Sadly the consequences of Mums decisions have come home to roost now at her end of life.
I'm abiding by her wishes to stay in her own home but at this point in Dads dementia he went into a care home . Not an option after what happened to Dad- but 24 hr care is not far away.
Not over thinking it - just letting the carers get on with their job & supporting & assisting them in anyway which we can.

I know it won't be long having gone through this with Dad, it's only 6 months since he died & yet feels a lifetime away.

Stay safe & well
xx

 

[TNJJ]

oh lovely i'm sorry that's a nasty disease, you have answers now & i hope you are managing it ok.

Aged Mothers been non responsive a few times - first time mothering sunday !
Quite a few moments where we thought this is it .... but she rallies again & again.
The Lewy bodies side of the dementia is obvious now, but we are following her wishes that she wants to remain at home.
I will be honest not driving for 5 hours each weekend for a short visit( - aged mother sleeps mostly ) during lockdown has been a much needed respite & has given me a chance to grieve for Dad. Also come to terms with the Tummy mummy's death & the circumstances.
Still find most of the week is taken up sorting out Aged Mothers paperwork etc, but at least i have some balance in life atm.

Sadly Aged Mothers life decisions are now having consequences - at one point we nearly got her to move closer to us ........ hindsight tells me not pushing it was the right decision. The carers are fantastic & appreciative that we have kept away during the lockdown ....... Aged mother has no concept of social distancing ...... but she's still capable of emotional blackmail & it raises its ugly heard from time to time.
I promised my son i would look after myself & seeing his distress at my own poor health was a big wake up call.

Think a lot of folks don't realise that the same rules for carehomes apply to those having home care , but i've grown a much thicker skin since last year & the experience.

Guess the wedding has been put on pause?
How disappointing ... but knowing me & my time warp i expect it's been & gone without a hitch !

take care lovely
xx

Hi. Yes it’s next June now. 3 days short of Ciaran’s 31st birthday. Still time to lose weight. I have bought myself a trike ?

 

[TNJJ]

Is it horrid of me to say that i'm more worried about picking up the virus from visiting her than giving it to her ...... yep i'm now officially horrid! but honest !
Aged Mother has lived her life under her terms & ive tried my best ... but at the end of the day i cannot just erase history & rewrite it to make it more palatable. Sadly the consequences of Mums decisions have come home to roost now at her end of life.
I'm abiding by her wishes to stay in her own home but at this point in Dads dementia he went into a care home . Not an option after what happened to Dad- but 24 hr care is not far away.
Not over thinking it - just letting the carers get on with their job & supporting & assisting them in anyway which we can.

I know it won't be long having gone through this with Dad, it's only 6 months since he died & yet feels a lifetime away.

Stay safe & well
xx

Take care and most importantly take care of yourself. There is only 1 you?

 

[canary]

Hi D of D.
I was thinking of you just this afternoon and wondering how you were doing.

Im sorry its all so stressful, but honestly I think you are doing the right thing under the circumstances. You have been doing too much for too long. Look after yourself
xx

 

[jugglingmum]

we live in the south west & the infection rate is growing with a lot of new cases locally ..

we were talking about this today (neighbours as we've been having socially distanced drinks - sitting on our own driveways on Saturday)

One article I had read said because the infection rate in the South west is so low, something very localised can push the R number - so the R number is not so important in these areas.

Another person had read that there had been a localised outbreak (maybe Weston supermare ?) and due to the local regional low infection rate this had pushed the R number up disproportionately.

I hope this helps but as you have a very low immune system you do need to keep yourself to yourself - several of my neighbours are over 70 - they have managed to get on line shops and have been no where at all.

As you say your mum has lived her life her way, look after yourself and hopefully this time next year you'll have seen your son again.

 

[Lawson58]

if we go in before the govt rules say it's allowed as Mum has a social care funding with the county council we would be breaking that contract. As we are looking to get CHC now it's the usual system but eons slower.
As i'm disabled i can't look after Mum & we live 2 an a half hours away.
Life's complicated & i have been socially isolating myself - still yet to venture near others as i have a very lowered immune system ...... plus we live in the south west & the infection rate is growing with a lot of new cases locally .... life's never as simple as you think it will be.

I haven't seen my son in two years - since he went to Australia -------i'm determined that i will see him again & if that means wrapping myself up into a little bubble until this virus is contained then that's what i'm going to do.
So i might seem selfish to those who don't know my journey ... but i've been a carer most of my life & now my own health isn't great my priorities must be & are my children &husband. i have even put my business on the back burner ...i'm determined to survive

This will sound ridulous to some and maybe to you but here goes anyway.

Why don't you start planning a trip to Australia to see your son?

Right at this very moment, you would need to apply to the Australian Border Force Commissioner for an exemption to enter Australia and then you would need to self isolate for 14 days so not very practical and not inexpensive.

I suspect that the borders will largely remain closed for a while yet but there's talk about NZ and Australia freeing up travel and perhaps some of the Pacific as well and once that has been problem free, maybe it will be easier for you to get an exemption.

The cost of travel insurance will no doubt be mind boggling which will be something else you need to consider. Australia is relatively safe as far as Covid19 goes so that shouldn't be a worry for you. Things are well on the way to being normal which is so nice.


I offer it just as a suggestion because I understand how we all need something to look forward to and seeing your son would certainly rate highly on that score.

 

[TNJJ]

This will sound ridulous to some and maybe to you but here goes anyway.

Why don't you start planning a trip to Australia to see your son?

Right at this very moment, you would need to apply to the Australian Border Force Commissioner for an exemption to enter Australia and then you would need to self isolate for 14 days so not very practical and not inexpensive.

I suspect that the borders will largely remain closed for a while yet but there's talk about NZ and Australia freeing up travel and perhaps some of the Pacific as well and once that has been problem free, maybe it will be easier for you to get an exemption.

The cost of travel insurance will no doubt be mind boggling which will be something else you need to consider. Australia is relatively safe as far as Covid19 goes so that shouldn't be a worry for you. Things are well on the way to being normal which is so nice.


I offer it just as a suggestion because I understand how we all need something to look forward to and seeing your son would certainly rate highly on that score.

I think that’s a good idea?

 

[DesperateofDevon]

This will sound ridulous to some and maybe to you but here goes anyway.

Why don't you start planning a trip to Australia to see your son?

Right at this very moment, you would need to apply to the Australian Border Force Commissioner for an exemption to enter Australia and then you would need to self isolate for 14 days so not very practical and not inexpensive.

I suspect that the borders will largely remain closed for a while yet but there's talk about NZ and Australia freeing up travel and perhaps some of the Pacific as well and once that has been problem free, maybe it will be easier for you to get an exemption.

The cost of travel insurance will no doubt be mind boggling which will be something else you need to consider. Australia is relatively safe as far as Covid19 goes so that shouldn't be a worry for you. Things are well on the way to being normal which is so nice.


I offer it just as a suggestion because I understand how we all need something to look forward to and seeing your son would certainly rate highly on that score.

i have thought of that but - financially not viable at the moment
but i live in hope
thank you
x

 

[DesperateofDevon]

we were talking about this today (neighbours as we've been having socially distanced drinks - sitting on our own driveways on Saturday)

One article I had read said because the infection rate in the South west is so low, something very localised can push the R number - so the R number is not so important in these areas.

Another person had read that there had been a localised outbreak (maybe Weston supermare ?) and due to the local regional low infection rate this had pushed the R number up disproportionately.

I hope this helps but as you have a very low immune system you do need to keep yourself to yourself - several of my neighbours are over 70 - they have managed to get on line shops and have been no where at all.

As you say your mum has lived her life her way, look after yourself and hopefully this time next year you'll have seen your son again.

i went to makro first thing this week - as you can only bulk buy i won't need to go back for another 12 weeks!
hoping that a cure etc will be found soon x

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I think that’s a good idea?

need to start playing the lottery as need legs up on flight! xxx