My mother, who has vascular dementia, has been worrying me for some time but as yet I have had no concrete 'evidence' that she needs to be in residential care, just a feeling that she would be safer there. I spoke to the Warden at her sheltered accommodation this morning who informed me that when my mother goes out she can never find her way back and either follows someone in the hope that they will lead her home or asks someone to show her the way. Apparently they have all watched her crossing the road and noticed that she doesn't seem to pay any attention to traffic. This morning someone 'brought her back' at 6.30 am and had to get one of the other residents up as mother didn't have her key. I asked the warden if she thought my mum was at risk and she said yes, definitely, and she has been keeping a record of all of these incidents. I won't go into how I feel about all of these incidents happening without my knowledge, but feel that something needs to be done urgently. I spoke to mum's social worker the other day and she said there was a strict clampdown on residential care at the moment because of funds and that we needed to get an assessment (preferably as an in-patient) by the consultant that she is under. Today I have left messages with 3 members of the team, none of whom have got back to me yet. What words do I need to use to make them sit up and take notice????
How do I get mental health team to DO SOMETHING
- Thread starter AnnieS
- Start date
Hi
I agree with Nitram use the words vunerable and at risk and write a list explaining everything that the warden has stated. SS will have to take notice of these things especially your mum going out and not being able to find her way back home and also being at risk when crossing the road.
My mum started wandering late at night and early in the morning knocking on her neighbours doors even though she was in a retirement apartment there was always the risk that mum would go out of the front door. I made a list of everything that mum did and handed it to the SW and we agreed that it was the right time for mum to go into care before an emergency happened.
Take care Dibs (Deborah)
I agree with Nitram use the words vunerable and at risk and write a list explaining everything that the warden has stated. SS will have to take notice of these things especially your mum going out and not being able to find her way back home and also being at risk when crossing the road.
My mum started wandering late at night and early in the morning knocking on her neighbours doors even though she was in a retirement apartment there was always the risk that mum would go out of the front door. I made a list of everything that mum did and handed it to the SW and we agreed that it was the right time for mum to go into care before an emergency happened.
Take care Dibs (Deborah)
Just keep on ringing and putting your concerns to them.
That's what I did and eventually they decided what I knew for ages that Mum needed to go into a care home.
Mum only moved in to ch in October, she's settled in well and seems happy. The staff are all great.
I hope you get the outcome you want, I know it's hard but just keep at them.
Sue
That's what I did and eventually they decided what I knew for ages that Mum needed to go into a care home.
Mum only moved in to ch in October, she's settled in well and seems happy. The staff are all great.
I hope you get the outcome you want, I know it's hard but just keep at them.
Sue
Don't leave messages
I understand what you are going through because I am in a similar position with my mother who also has vas d. A neighbour reported that another neighbour has been asking my mother for money, money is missing from her house and the police have also contacted social services after her repeated wanderings and they said she appeared oblivious to her own safety. I have recently asked for the name, telephone number and email address of every one I speak to and say I need it for the researcher for the television program on care of the elderly we are taking part in!!! I only email now since my telephone bill needs a mortgage to pay due to the queuing system I get stuck in.
Good luck with your attempts.
I understand what you are going through because I am in a similar position with my mother who also has vas d. A neighbour reported that another neighbour has been asking my mother for money, money is missing from her house and the police have also contacted social services after her repeated wanderings and they said she appeared oblivious to her own safety. I have recently asked for the name, telephone number and email address of every one I speak to and say I need it for the researcher for the television program on care of the elderly we are taking part in!!! I only email now since my telephone bill needs a mortgage to pay due to the queuing system I get stuck in.
Good luck with your attempts.
My mother also had Vas D and was very similar to yours. She also had lost virtually all her words by then so that made it even worse. We are also in Herts. When we said about the road the SS said that she would probably be all right even when other people had seen her walk out as if it was not a road at all. They said mum was not at the stage when she needed residential care. As mum had over £23k in savings we spoke to an adjacent CH. The manager came out to see mum on a Tuesday and said in her opinion mum did need residential care and they had a vacancy in the dementia unit. Mum went in the Thursday of the following week at a cost of £750 per week. Because SS had said she did not need to be there I had expected she would not be as bad as the other residents- in fact she was one of the worst affected people there. I spoke to the manager and she said that Herts have been told they are referring too many people as needing residential care so that the current situation was this was only occuring when there was a crisis. Most of the other residents who were not as bad as my mum were LA funded but had been there for a long time.
You do not say whether your mum would be self funding or LA funded.
My mum went into the home in August and died there the following February. When SS saw her in the home in December the lady said to me that we were right about her needing residential care earlier.
If your mum will be self funding you might look at some CHs. My mum had been noted as vulnerable for at least a year prior to her going into the CH as I saw this on her notes at the hospital.
With best wishes,
Tre
You do not say whether your mum would be self funding or LA funded.
My mum went into the home in August and died there the following February. When SS saw her in the home in December the lady said to me that we were right about her needing residential care earlier.
If your mum will be self funding you might look at some CHs. My mum had been noted as vulnerable for at least a year prior to her going into the CH as I saw this on her notes at the hospital.
With best wishes,
Tre
Annie, do think seriously about a CH for mum. Crossing the street without looking is a real danger - would you really want her badly hurt in a car accident? That thought was the one thing that worried me most with my mum who wandered at night, that my little mum might be badly hurt, or attacked and mugged, my stomach turns over at the thought of it.
She didn't want to go into a care home, she didn't enjoy it, it took her months to settle, but she died peacefully in a loving environment, not on a road or at the hands of some criminal. Sorry to be so illustrative, but hope you take heed of what I say.
Love
Margaret
She didn't want to go into a care home, she didn't enjoy it, it took her months to settle, but she died peacefully in a loving environment, not on a road or at the hands of some criminal. Sorry to be so illustrative, but hope you take heed of what I say.
Love
Margaret
Thanks to you all for your kind words. The situation has been taken out of my hands now, as when I went to see her today she had been hallucinating, thinking that her flat was full of children. I assumed she had another UTI and went to A&E with her. It turned out that there was no infection. The mental health team got involved and I expressed my concerns for her safety. They are now in the process of sectioning her. I've just got back from the hospital, having waited for the mental health team to section her for four hours. My husband is with her. She was absolutely furious with me for telling them my concerns and was very aggressive. By the time I left she was much calmer, completely lucid and chatting away like there was nothing wrong with her. I feel completely shattered and not sure at all that I have done the right thing, disloyal and feel that I should have brought her home and looked after her, although I know that this wouldn't have worked on any level as we are at work all day and my relationship with her is difficult, to say the least. Oh God, have I done the right thing?
Hi Annie
You have definately done the right thing!!!!!!! Don't beat yourself up. It would have been wrong to leave things as they were
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come
You have definately done the right thing!!!!!!! Don't beat yourself up. It would have been wrong to leave things as they were
Nanak
missing what has gone and scared of what is to come
Dear Annie I have only just read your thread
I an sorry to hear about your mum
I know sectioning has horrible connotations but its really a means of keeping a person in hospital who needs to be there for treatment/assessment but for example refuses to stay or is a danger to themselves
I am sure others who have gone through this will be along later
I an sorry to hear about your mum
Of course you have done the right thing by your mum
I know sectioning has horrible connotations but its really a means of keeping a person in hospital who needs to be there for treatment/assessment but for example refuses to stay or is a danger to themselves
I am sure others who have gone through this will be along later
Annie,
Not only have you done the right thing, but you have also managed to get her back on the Local Authorities radar again. Having got your foot in the door now and knowing from that social worker that residential care wasn't being considered almost under any circumstances, this turn of events has now managed to get your mum right up to the top of the queue. If it was me, then I would be seizing the moment, knowing that if something doesn't get arranged as a result of this, you'll be back to square one again with the SW that was less than halpful to your mum's plight. To a certain extent you are in the driving seat for now because even if, say, they medicated her and then decided to send her home, you would be part of the decision making process and you could say that there is no way that she could be at home on her own again. Almost force the issue of care homes etc until you get what you want! You might also want to go have a word with the warden at the sheltered housing place that she currently lives in and ask if they are preparted to take a stance that they would not be willing to accept her back there again on discharge from hospital (if that is what you think will happen).
Fiona
Not only have you done the right thing, but you have also managed to get her back on the Local Authorities radar again. Having got your foot in the door now and knowing from that social worker that residential care wasn't being considered almost under any circumstances, this turn of events has now managed to get your mum right up to the top of the queue. If it was me, then I would be seizing the moment, knowing that if something doesn't get arranged as a result of this, you'll be back to square one again with the SW that was less than halpful to your mum's plight. To a certain extent you are in the driving seat for now because even if, say, they medicated her and then decided to send her home, you would be part of the decision making process and you could say that there is no way that she could be at home on her own again. Almost force the issue of care homes etc until you get what you want! You might also want to go have a word with the warden at the sheltered housing place that she currently lives in and ask if they are preparted to take a stance that they would not be willing to accept her back there again on discharge from hospital (if that is what you think will happen).
Fiona
You have done the right thing. It is not easy but your instinct is to keep your mum safe and that has to be right. At least she is now not out of sight and out of mind of the SS. You are bound to feel uncomfortable at present but how much worse would you feel had she had an accident on the road.
Stay strong and take care
Tre
Stay strong and take care
Tre
I'm also sure you've done the right thing Annie. Feeling horrible about it is only natural, but in reality this is the best thing for your mum. You'd never forgive yourself if something happened to her, or even someone else if she caused a traffic accident or something similar.
Mums mental Heath team
Your mum will have a mental health team - one of the team will be her CPN - keep on asking for action, and don't be put off. Tell them it's their responsibility and duty of care to put mum in a safe place (care home).
Put your demands/requests in writing - keeping a copy - emails may be ok, but send your mail by recorded delivery to a named person (CPN) - this way she will
HAVE to sign for each letter.
Meanwhile visit one or all the care homes in your area -check them out - some will not be suitable, or you just don't feel it's for your mum. When you do find a nice, comfortable, clean and caring home - you will know it's the one.
Next check out with the home if there is any vacancies either permanent, or on a respite basis. My wife was introduced to her care home by a respite day 10am to 4.30 - she enjoyed the company, the activities, and loving care, and most importantly, she loved her lunch!
After a while, she started to go twice per week - then it came the time for permanent care, and she accepted the care home, and her friends, as her home also.
So, best of luck, and keep sending letters to the mental health team, and social services.
Your mum will have a mental health team - one of the team will be her CPN - keep on asking for action, and don't be put off. Tell them it's their responsibility and duty of care to put mum in a safe place (care home).
Put your demands/requests in writing - keeping a copy - emails may be ok, but send your mail by recorded delivery to a named person (CPN) - this way she will
HAVE to sign for each letter.
Meanwhile visit one or all the care homes in your area -check them out - some will not be suitable, or you just don't feel it's for your mum. When you do find a nice, comfortable, clean and caring home - you will know it's the one.
Next check out with the home if there is any vacancies either permanent, or on a respite basis. My wife was introduced to her care home by a respite day 10am to 4.30 - she enjoyed the company, the activities, and loving care, and most importantly, she loved her lunch!
After a while, she started to go twice per week - then it came the time for permanent care, and she accepted the care home, and her friends, as her home also.
So, best of luck, and keep sending letters to the mental health team, and social services.
I'm a bit late in returning, but I am 100% sure you have done the right thing. 110% if there is such a thing.
Love and best wishes
Margaret
Love and best wishes
Margaret
Recent Threads
-
-
-
Best digital dementia clock / reminder for distance
- Latest: SherwoodSue
-
-
-
-
-
-
Staff online
-
TamsinTStaff Member