How do I deal with this?

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Roseleigh, Oct 29, 2019.

  1. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    Something I am quite unprepared for: tonight OH just randomly ******on front door mat! I have been mentally prepared for incontinence as he moves into more severe dementia, but he is not incontinent, his clothing was dry, he clearly just pulled his penis out and peed on the doormat. He realised afterwards he'd done wrong, but I just sense it will happen again. He is so confused.
    How can one handle this problem since nappies are no solution? It's behavioural, and worse than urinary incontinence.
  2. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    This is a very common issue with gentlemen with dementia- the utter cognitive confusion of where the bathroom is; & yes he might well be using the toilet half an hour later.

    signage on the toilet doors helps, also I had in place structured times for bathroom breaks.Before meals is a good routine.

    I know it’s a shock but hopefully knowing it’s a common issue with gentlemen with dementia might soften the shock a little.
  3. Joyt

    Joyt Registered User

    Jun 30, 2018
    Very much symptomatic of the illness, I’m afraid and really hard to manage for you. I’m so sorry.
  4. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    Is the doormat a dark colour? PWD can mistake a dark mat for a hole. I had to get my dad a mat the same colour as the floor as he was stepping round the black one.
    I was lucky my dad never peed randomly - just slipped slowly into incontinence - but I know other members have had to deal with this.

    Could you leave a bucket near the front door in the hope that if he gets confused again he may aim for that?
  5. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    I printed off a sign - picture and word Toilet and stuck it on bathroom door last night, only to wake this morning to find he'd peed on the carpet right in front of the bathroom door! I think he may well have misinterpreted the sign. :(

    I am going to try reducing his Mirtazapine back to 18mg. Although the higher dose helps with sleeping I do wonder if its increasing confusion.
  6. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    He is going for assessment for respite at a care home next week and I am seriously thinking perhaps time has come for full time professional care, but will even a mixed care home take him if this is becoming a behavioural problem?
  7. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    Well yes this is what Ive been expecting, a gradual loss of control, pull ups, not a behavioural incontinence issue which seems to have no solution.
  8. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    Thought of that but I think the choice of the front door was just random.:(
  9. maryjoan

    maryjoan Registered User

    Mar 25, 2017
    South of the Border
    My OH has a stoma so faecal incontinence is not an issue - although he cannot manage the stoma - so other issues.

    But instead of using the toilet for a wee, he has chosen to use the wash hand basin, which is next to the toilet. I cannot get him to alter this behaviour and we only have the one bathroom, so I cannot use a different one.

    It is very off putting for me if I am having a wash, feels like washing in the toilet. The best I can do is keep cleaning the wash basin !

    Just one of the many trials of dementia, I am afraid !
  10. Banjomansmate

    Banjomansmate Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    When my father was in residential care he used the wash basin in his room as a urinal. The care staff didn’t seem surprised about it!
  11. rhubarbtree

    rhubarbtree Registered User

    Jan 7, 2015
    North West
    Hi Roseleigh,

    OH has been doing this for quite some time. I have taken toilet sign down because it had little impact. At night I have a passive light that comes on when he gets out of bed and conveniently shines into ensuite. I also have a very lightweight folding screen which I put across from foot of bed to wall which hopefully discourages bedroom wandering. Sometimes he will knock screen over and the noise will wake me. I did find him preparing to pee up a dark velvet curtain the other day!

    I have found incontinent pull ups useful as he needs more time to find penis. Am also thinking of getting a light for inside the toilet bow. Sounds terribly unhygienic but may work.

    As others have said regular toilet breaks and noticing when he gets fidgety is best policy.
    I sympathise with you thinking of care home - I am too.
  12. Jale

    Jale Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    Would a commode outside the toilet door help?

    MaryJoan would it be a help to put the pot/bucket usually found in a commode in the sink, at least that way it could be emptied easily
  13. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Care and nursing homes are used to this!
  14. Justmary

    Justmary Registered User

    Jul 12, 2018
    West Midlands
    Hi Roseleigh, my husband has done the same. Two weeks ago, right in the middle of the dining room. So far it has just happened the once, but I'm dreading the possibility of it becoming the norm. He also uses the sink as a urinal, always at night and sometimes during the day. I've become quite efficient at cleaning up... Do let me know how things develop.
  15. SandraKD

    SandraKD Registered User

    Nov 26, 2018
    My OH has used the sink as a urinal for over a year now. I know what you mean about how you feel about using the sink to wash with and, like you, I've become very efficient at cleaning the sink so that other people can use it. My view is that at least he doesn't pee all over the floor like he does when he tries to pee in the toilet so it is less of a clean-up chore for me so I tolerate it and clean the sink!
  16. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    My husband tends to get his penis out as soon as he gets to the bathroom. Consequently there are drips all the way from the door to the toilet. He leaves the seat down so he pees on that, around the edge of the toilet and in front, his aim is not good. So I have to clean all around the toilet and the floor each time he goes. But reading this I know it's going to get worse.
  17. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    Thanks and to Sandra and JJ for your comments. I have kept it in check in the last few days by being super vigilant, toilet every two hours and up when I hear him get out of bed to ensure he goes to the loo.
    This isnt a way to live though. Nor frankly is it a way to 'test' it, but I am worried for my lovely just two year old stair carpet!! :eek: I went to view a care home today and manager said she thinks he needs to be in a specialist dementia facility. She said that some also go on to defecate in inappropriate places.
    What an awful illness this is...:(

    Attached Files:

  18. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    Sandra, am not sure if using sink is going to lead to it. He may become incontinent and wear pull ups before that happens. That was (foolishly ) what I thought would happen but the 'behaviour' issue is unfortunately preceeding the physical decline.
  19. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    I have successfully avoided the toilet misshaps previously by encouraging seated peeing from the very start of dementia, which he was happy to do as he'd always had a slow pee issue so sometimes sat anyway.
  20. Alex54

    Alex54 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2018
    Newtown, Wales
    There is a product called Conveen sheaths, which although I doubt could be used all the time, might be a short term solution.

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