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How boring is your life as a carer?

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,441
South of the Border
I often wonder if it is possible to have terminal boredom ! I am being silly I know, but my life with my partner is so absolutely boring......

I feel I am sinking beneath the dross of his minor concerns that he wants me to fix, when I shoulder all the big responsibilities of running him, our lives, our home, our finances, my work ( I work from home)
- you know how it is.
If he comes up to me and asks me again what word do I know where the vowels are in consecutive order, I will SCREAM....

Other people think it is a good question, but after about the millionth time of asking - well, it's all too Ground Hog day......
Every single night without fail I go to bed as Chris Tarrant from 2002 blares away at volume 50+ on Who Wants to be a Millionaire..... I quite like the programme, but not every night hour after hour after hour, and no where else I can escape to.....

Nighty Night every one, sleep tight x
 

Hayley JS

Registered User
Feb 20, 2020
16
After a rather grim day, that put a sad little smile on my face, Chris Tarrant at bed time....((( Shudder))) !!!!
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,039
Oh yes I knew every answer to Tarrants 'who wants to be a millionaire' but I think 'Bullseye' did it for me in the end, the prizes were just so bad. Dad is no longer here and I am even more bored due to covid. I used to at least have a change of houses and sofa's but I have been on my own sofa for over six months now and am really fed up with it. I would happily spend a week at dads now but not possible.

Sometimes you get what you have wished for and then find it's just as boring (covid again)

Sympathy with you @maryjoan but it doesn't always get better.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
671
i suppose you should be grateful that its chris tarrant and not jeremy clarkson but that might give you a change. i get bored and he still running around going out at the moment. i havent been outside the door in almost 3 months with my back and leg as i cant walk very far to get on the bus. there are only so many times you can say hello and how are you to the walls. i have hobbies reading and knitting mainly but i cant talk about anything much other than whats in the papers etc. my husband was a lorry driver and worked long hours so i brought up 4 kids mostly on my own but just because your busy it dont mean to say you are not bored. watching my husband sleeping is like watching paint dry but at least i still have him and can still have conversations with him. i sympathise maryjoan
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,519
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
How can I get bored of continuous record and playing of every “classic” TV series? How is it possible to be bored of having continuous sudoku puzzles as the only alternative to TV? How can anyone get fed up of the continuous question, “where have you been? Etc, Etc, Etc. If you need answers and find them please let me know!! 😆
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,046
Bristol
I get asked if we have plums or cherries at least 10 times a day, and that's an underestimate. I hope you at least had a good sleep, Maryjoan.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
410
I had a change of scene yesterday from my mum who does not understand many many things to mother in law who keeps a thought in her head for seconds.
So in the morning “ I need my drink (diaoralite) to stop my tummy running “ (it does not and the tummy is better)
In the afternoon, “we’ve bought you a new chair and the old one will go in the shed til collected by the council “. For the next half an hour ...why is my chair in the shed ...on a loop

Now who could be bored with that!!
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,039
Well I ventured int a charity shop recently and I couldn't help but pick up a couple of 1000 piece jigsaw.

I thought I had done with them after the epic sessions of 2019 but here I am again and I can't wait to get started. All I have to do is clear my dining room table of 3 years of junk.
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,441
South of the Border
Every half hour or so, my mum would say, 'So, have you had a nice Christmas?'
For three years. Three....very long....years.
But DID you have a nice Christmas ?? It's awful isn't it? They say music is the last thing to go - my OH plays the piano beautifully, and reads music - I cannot get my head around that with all the things he cannot do....
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,418
South coast
Every time I say something to OH he says - pardon? He is deaf, but I think he just cannot process the words. I have to say everything at least twice to him. It does my head in!
 

Rosie Apple

New member
Aug 2, 2020
6
Bored? Me too!

I can't remember ever being bored like this in my life, and in my case I don't think coronavirus has made the difference.

I have a theory..... I am usually ok at finding things to do that occupy my mind and therefore stop me getting bored. The trouble is these are usually activities that need a fair amount of concentration. How can anyone concentrate on anything while being called upon to respond to a barrage of questions or repetitions? ( which always seems to escalate when it is realised that I have found something. to do that doesn't involve anyone else)!

I think it must be very difficult for a 'non- carer' to understand how we can complain we have too much to do and yet we can still feel so numbingly bored.

Despite never having been interested in jigsaws,I gave them a go and I have to say they are easy to switch back into after interruptions. I'd recommend trying one, but each to their own, as they say.


And, no, there is nothing wrong with the boiler.....yet! Am I really awful for some part of me wishing it WOULD go wrong? I know I should be careful what I wish for....
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
216
My husband‘s speech has become totally indecipherable. I have no idea of anything he says. However, recently, he has taken to chattering away to me all day, obviously asking me to do certain things for him, or take him somewhere. No idea what it’s about. Now I‘m looking back at the boredom of the last several months and wishing we could go back to that!!!!!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
671
my husbands memory is very poor but he cooks brilliantly and its his kitchen.im happy with that but i have to clean the mess up afterwards and he leaves empty packages to put in the bin. but he cant choose what to watch on tv or what hes interested in but a roast is a doddle. hes always cooked and i think that will be the last to go. he doesnt always turn things off though. my job get all the most interesting jobs
 

Jan L

Registered User
Mar 26, 2020
44
My Husband spends most of his time asleep, he can no longer speak or understand what I say. He can't find his way out of the front room to the toilet or from the bedroom to the upstairs bathroom, so when I am not sat with him trying to get him to drink something, I am watching a picture of him on my phone from a camera watching him while I prepare the next meal or sort the washing machine etc. in case he needs to go to the toilet. My whole day 24/7 is worked around his toilet needs. I can't get out of the house, he won't even come and sit in the garden while I do some weeding or mow the lawn. We no longer socialise, people don't ask us anymore, so I have to watch our friends on Facebook continuing with their holidays, days out and mixing together while I feel resentful here on my own day in and day out. I can't say I am bored, I would love to watch a good TV drama from start to finish, sit on the sofa with a good book playing some soothing music, just sit in the late summer sunshine in the garden or walk beside the river. I weary all the time after suffering broken nights and just feel I am at the bottom of a dark well and can't find my way out. I am 75 next month and my life is slipping through my fingers, I've seen nothing of the spring and summer, these late summer days are lovely but it is also frustrating that we can't enjoy them, the effort of trying to do anything now is just too daunting.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
671
My Husband spends most of his time asleep, he can no longer speak or understand what I say. He can't find his way out of the front room to the toilet or from the bedroom to the upstairs bathroom, so when I am not sat with him trying to get him to drink something, I am watching a picture of him on my phone from a camera watching him while I prepare the next meal or sort the washing machine etc. in case he needs to go to the toilet. My whole day 24/7 is worked around his toilet needs. I can't get out of the house, he won't even come and sit in the garden while I do some weeding or mow the lawn. We no longer socialise, people don't ask us anymore, so I have to watch our friends on Facebook continuing with their holidays, days out and mixing together while I feel resentful here on my own day in and day out. I can't say I am bored, I would love to watch a good TV drama from start to finish, sit on the sofa with a good book playing some soothing music, just sit in the late summer sunshine in the garden or walk beside the river. I weary all the time after suffering broken nights and just feel I am at the bottom of a dark well and can't find my way out. I am 75 next month and my life is slipping through my fingers, I've seen nothing of the spring and summer, these late summer days are lovely but it is also frustrating that we can't enjoy them, the effort of trying to do anything now is just too daunting.
do you have someone to sit with him while you have some me time even if its only to seat in the garden
 

Jan L

Registered User
Mar 26, 2020
44
do you have someone to sit with him while you have some me time even if its only to seat in the garden
No, both my Sons are working and have Families who rely on them, they are there for me if there is a problem but they have their own lives to live. My Father in Law had Dementia from 1973 to 1993, his journey was the same as my Husband's which is why I was able to recognise the signs from very early on, my Mother in Law developed Vascular Dementia in her mid/late 80's and died when she was 92 in 2006 by which time it was obvious to me what was wrong with my Husband and there is no way I want my Daughter in Laws resenting me in the future, as I feel now for the years I was expected to be at the beck and call of my in-laws, taking them on holiday being restricted as to what we could do because MIL didn't want us to be away too long or too far in case she needed us. We had no proper freedom when we should have, and by the time we were free it was too late for us.

I tried to see what help I could have from the local county Carers Association earlier this week, they said they weren't able to wave a magic wand and we needed professional help and sent a list of Care Agencies. When I get the opportunity I will contact Admiral Nurses again, they visited 20 months ago, she said I was doing a very good job, I was a strong person so would do nothing for the time being unless I contacted them again. I would like to know where we are medically with his condition. The Doctor says he is only responsible for prescribing the medication which doesn't seem to be creating any problems, there is nothing else to prescribe so there is nothing else he can do. In the meantime I carry on as his sole Carer 24/7. It is nearly 6 years now since I eventually got him to agree to seeking help, because at that point felt I needed support, and still can't get anyone to support me.

I nursed my Mother for 3 months when she was diagnosed Pancreatic Cancer, it was many years ago, my children were 3 and 6 at the time, and I can tell you it was easy, although very sad, in comparison with what I have had to put up with the last 6 years yet I can't get any help without paying out huge sums of money. Sorry to go on but I am getting stressed out.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
671
No, both my Sons are working and have Families who rely on them, they are there for me if there is a problem but they have their own lives to live. My Father in Law had Dementia from 1973 to 1993, his journey was the same as my Husband's which is why I was able to recognise the signs from very early on, my Mother in Law developed Vascular Dementia in her mid/late 80's and died when she was 92 in 2006 by which time it was obvious to me what was wrong with my Husband and there is no way I want my Daughter in Laws resenting me in the future, as I feel now for the years I was expected to be at the beck and call of my in-laws, taking them on holiday being restricted as to what we could do because MIL didn't want us to be away too long or too far in case she needed us. We had no proper freedom when we should have, and by the time we were free it was too late for us.

I tried to see what help I could have from the local county Carers Association earlier this week, they said they weren't able to wave a magic wand and we needed professional help and sent a list of Care Agencies. When I get the opportunity I will contact Admiral Nurses again, they visited 20 months ago, she said I was doing a very good job, I was a strong person so would do nothing for the time being unless I contacted them again. I would like to know where we are medically with his condition. The Doctor says he is only responsible for prescribing the medication which doesn't seem to be creating any problems, there is nothing else to prescribe so there is nothing else he can do. In the meantime I carry on as his sole Carer 24/7. It is nearly 6 years now since I eventually got him to agree to seeking help, because at that point felt I needed support, and still can't get anyone to support me.

I nursed my Mother for 3 months when she was diagnosed Pancreatic Cancer, it was many years ago, my children were 3 and 6 at the time, and I can tell you it was easy, although very sad, in comparison with what I have had to put up with the last 6 years yet I can't get any help without paying out huge sums of money. Sorry to go on but I am getting stressed out.
hey you are allowed to be stressed out. maybe you were too strong. i have 4 and the all have there own lives children homes etc they all rent their homes.my son and son-in-law will help mowing grass bit of diy as i cant do it due to my back but they bring the grandchildren which entertains my husband with their antics and he plays with them. his eyes light up and he comes alive so i can sit back and just enjoy it. and their partners can put kettle on. thats all i ask of them, i sort of manage everything else. children dont judge and accept granddad the way he is a big kid himself