Tomorrow my wife has to go to hospital for a biopsy and it’s turning into a major problem for me ,the hospital have said it’s quite quick and almost painless but she sees it has a major operation,because of her Alzheimer’s she doesn’t always recognise me as her husband so my so my ability to calm her down and reassure has been lost ,I’m just hoping that maybe tomorrow will be one of her better days although I’m not holding out much hope
hospital vist
- Thread starter Erkenwald
- Start date
With these kind of things my advice is to say as little as possible about it beforehand and when you have to mention it be as upbeat as you can. Suggest it is routine and hopefully confirmation that she is fine.
I do hope all goes well for you tomorrow. It must be so difficult for you.
Kind regards.
Definitely a difficult situation for you. I agree with the advice to discuss this as little as possible and be very mindful of your body language and tone of voice. (My mother can't always understand what we say, but she is frighteningly adept at picking up non verbal cues.). Of course this is easier said than done, especially if there are preparations to be made which differ from the usual routine.
I also like the idea of dismissing this as a routine test, very minor, nothing to worry about-whether it is or not.
From a practical standpoint, is there anyone else who could accompany you, so you have an extra pair of hands?
The last time my mother was in hospital, they were very good about allowing me to accompany her for tests and things, even places where family and visitors are not normally allowed. It can't hurt to ask.
I also had a note in my pocket explaining that she has dementia, that I'm her daughter and PoA, that she can't answer questions, and to speak to me out of her sight and hearing. I just handed that to everyone I encountered, and staff were very respectful and understanding.
I also wonder about going somewhere after the procedure, someplace pleasant or enjoyable, or for ice cream or cake and coffee or some other favored treat, to have a pleasant memory and feeling about the day, not just hospital and ick.
I hope all goes as well as possible and best wishes.
I also like the idea of dismissing this as a routine test, very minor, nothing to worry about-whether it is or not.
From a practical standpoint, is there anyone else who could accompany you, so you have an extra pair of hands?
The last time my mother was in hospital, they were very good about allowing me to accompany her for tests and things, even places where family and visitors are not normally allowed. It can't hurt to ask.
I also had a note in my pocket explaining that she has dementia, that I'm her daughter and PoA, that she can't answer questions, and to speak to me out of her sight and hearing. I just handed that to everyone I encountered, and staff were very respectful and understanding.
I also wonder about going somewhere after the procedure, someplace pleasant or enjoyable, or for ice cream or cake and coffee or some other favored treat, to have a pleasant memory and feeling about the day, not just hospital and ick.
I hope all goes as well as possible and best wishes.
Good advice from Amy. I would concentrate on the "going out for ......" and dismiss the appointment as a minor inconvenience on the way to the treat!
ps. I feel for you, with your wife not recognising you as her husband. My late husband, for years, did not realise I was his wife. He knew I was someone who looked after him, and he knew he loved me, but one day when he asked my name, and I told him, he laughed delightedly, and said "Same as mine!! No wonder I like you!" I just kept our relationship out of it, and behaved as the woman who was there to take care of him.
ps. I feel for you, with your wife not recognising you as her husband. My late husband, for years, did not realise I was his wife. He knew I was someone who looked after him, and he knew he loved me, but one day when he asked my name, and I told him, he laughed delightedly, and said "Same as mine!! No wonder I like you!" I just kept our relationship out of it, and behaved as the woman who was there to take care of him.
I was in a similar situation a few days ago with my Mom, she had an appointment for a biopsy on her bladder. I thought as it was a Saturday it wouldn't busy so we wouldn't have to wait long.
We had to wait over 5 hours in the end with me trying to distract my Mom who was getting aggitated, some of the staff were fantastic and tried really hard to reassure her but in the end she refused to have it done
I really hope this isn't the case for you and your wife and it all goes well, perhaps ask if it possible if your wife could be one of the first on the list so she hasn't got to wait long, that is what they are going to do for us next time, My Mom doesn't think I am her daughter most of the time, it's a hard thing to deal with.
We had to wait over 5 hours in the end with me trying to distract my Mom who was getting aggitated, some of the staff were fantastic and tried really hard to reassure her but in the end she refused to have it done
I really hope this isn't the case for you and your wife and it all goes well, perhaps ask if it possible if your wife could be one of the first on the list so she hasn't got to wait long, that is what they are going to do for us next time, My Mom doesn't think I am her daughter most of the time, it's a hard thing to deal with.
Well the hospital visit went better than I thought although answering the question ‘why am I at the hospital ‘many times is slightly wearing but although she was very unhappy while they took the biopsy and afterwards when she was in some pain it finally worked out ok.
The conclusion I draw from this is keep calm,answer the repeated questions as if it’s the first time you have heard them ,hold their hand ,reassure and stay all through the procedure and act as if anything the doctors are doing is quite minor
The conclusion I draw from this is keep calm,answer the repeated questions as if it’s the first time you have heard them ,hold their hand ,reassure and stay all through the procedure and act as if anything the doctors are doing is quite minor
Well done you! Here’s hoping for a positive result too. As far as questions go I often mutter to myself KISS. Keep it simple stupid. I just answer the question simply. I would love to say...I just told you that! Or go into lengthy explanations about why it was an odd question...but most of the time, I remember KISS.
So glad all went ok. It is very difficult with the repeated questions but it took me a while to realise that the best way is just to keep answering the question. Also I have to try and keep the exasperated tone out of my voice because my husband picks up on that and says there is no need to answer like that. So difficult for us carers, you sometimes cannot do right for doing wrong. We are the ones who have to adapt to these changes in our lives.
