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Horrible holiday

Chrismitch

Registered User
Jun 23, 2011
127
I've brought OH away on a fantastic holiday but I'm miserable and he doesn't know where he is.
After 4 days I tell him again where he is and he's amazed. How did we get here?
I have no one to talk to. He needs everything doing for him except spoon feeding. He is constantly asking questions. I know that's common but it's getting worse and after 7 years I'm getting tired. Taking his clothes off when it's time to go out. I can't go out for long alone. He doesn't know where the loo is. He will be 69 next week and is physically mobile.
At least at home we regularly meet people so I can have intelligent conversation.
The bars and restaurants are self service. How I would love to be waited on!
I just needed a moan. At least the weather is good. I know many people have a much harder time than me.
 

leicester61

Registered User
Aug 26, 2012
146
Leicestershire
I've brought OH away on a fantastic holiday but I'm miserable and he doesn't know where he is.
After 4 days I tell him again where he is and he's amazed. How did we get here?
I have no one to talk to. He needs everything doing for him except spoon feeding. He is constantly asking questions. I know that's common but it's getting worse and after 7 years I'm getting tired. Taking his clothes off when it's time to go out. I can't go out for long alone. He doesn't know where the loo is. He will be 69 next week and is physically mobile.
At least at home we regularly meet people so I can have intelligent conversation.
The bars and restaurants are self service. How I would love to be waited on!
I just needed a moan. At least the weather is good. I know many people have a much harder time than me.
Hi Chrismitch
I was in a similar situation earlier on this yr, I suggested to my OH that we make this yr a good one ( i had recieved a small pension unexpectedly). So he got me to put a list together for him. One of which was a holiday abroad (we'd not been abroad for over 15 yrs) so i did the research and came up with a med cruise. WHAT a HUGE mistake !!! He hated it and with hind sight (wonderful thing is that old hindsight) i should have realised it wouldnt pan out. He hated the heat, the noise, the amount of people on the ship, the size of the cabin, going ashore, the only part he enjoyed was the food, when we got back and he was asked ' how was it' hed reply Horrible lol.
I was desperate for a holiday however it was too stressful for me to enjoy so a massive waste of money. Fortunately he has had some lovely day trips, gifts, a day spent at the motor racing and an army day where he was allowed to drive a tank. So i think thats the way to go with him now, short sweet 1 day events or at the most long wk ends.
He was diagnosed nearly 5 yrs ago age 52 and this yr also diagnosed with acute asphasia which has been very hard for him. We did however get some lovely photos of the holiday and other events hes been too and thank fully when he sees himself smiling it tells him he had a good time, so at least thats something. Its a hard road sometimes and gets over whelming. Take care of yourself
Suz xxx
 

Jennyc

Registered User
Oct 3, 2011
73
Kent
Dear Chrismich

How I feel for you. We had what I know was our last holiday last year, went to Corfu in Autumn. Total confusion and he hated the heat though it wasn't specially hot, being somewhere different, lavatorial disasters, he just couldn't take it. I never felt so lonely and sad in my life, seeing happy holiday makers and trying to cope. A couple of very sweet people recognized my difficulties and made a point of talking to us, which was lovely of them, but if I could have found a flight to bring us back home again after the first day or so, I would have done. The going out for days seems a much happier option so I do hope you can keep those up. Hard and distressing days, horrible illness.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,132
Scotland
Sadly I agree and understand you both. Holidays no longer work once dementia fully kicks in. Constant obsessive questioning gets worse. Disorientation is standard. Delusions and confusion abound. I would love to say that the break is worth it but in my opinion routine and staying at home is better for the PWD. When the carer needs a holiday then respite may be the only way forward.
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello chismitch, The last time l took my husband away l new it would be the last, it was a nightmare from hell!!! We hadn't boarded the plane at Gatwick, we were on our way to Madeira, he thought we had just got off the plane in Madeira. It was a months holiday always been there for many years, he would not go out of the hotel. Now you know it will be your last.
 

LynneMcV

Registered User
May 9, 2012
3,975
south-east London
Hi Chrismitch,

I'm sorry to hear that you are not enjoying your holiday. It is difficult isn't it?

My husband was diagnosed in 2012 aged 58. I took him away in 2013 for our 30th wedding anniversary and things were manageable. The following year we went away as a family to mark his 60th birthday - it wasn't a disaster as such but a huge eye-opener to how quickly things had progressed in just the space of a year.

I knew then that it would be our last holiday abroad - going through the airport checks was stressful, on the first morning after arrival he had no recollection of how he'd got there and throughout the holiday he couldn't find his way around our apartment.

We did salvage some enjoyment through the day trips, short walks, on-site restaurants and entertainment (we were lucky that we could watch the entertainment from our balcony most nights because he couldn't stand the crowds by then.

We still enjoy breaks but now it takes the form of day trips so we can return to surroundings he is comfortable in.

I know your holiday is not as you would have hoped but enjoy what you can, as you say, the weather is good and will help get rid of the winter blues.

Remember, holidays are still possible but locations may have to change in future.
 

optocarol

Registered User
Nov 23, 2011
315
Auckland, New Zealand
Same from me really. Have gone from a week on a cruise 4-5 years ago, which was not very restful, to OH in care and out for 2-3 hours at a time mostly. In between, there were 3-4 days, then 2-3 days away and I remember thinking several times, "I think that might be the last time we do that," which proved to be so.

I know, sometimes it seems like a good idea, but sad experience teaches us otherwise.

Hope you can get breaks somehow, some way. XX
 

Chrismitch

Registered User
Jun 23, 2011
127
Thanks to all of you. I'll make the best of it. And make it our last :(
Horrible disease. Bad enough when diagnosed at 82 but at 62 and younger it's cruel.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,514
Near Southampton
Hello Chris.
It's lovely to hear from you but I'm sorry that things are not good now.
If it helps and you fancy it, don't forget you and Pete are always welcome to come to Liverpool in February.

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?96161-Liverpool-retreat-2017-update

Alternatively - or as well as - Launde Abbey in June.

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?93382-Launde-abbey-retreat-2017

It would be lovely to meet up with you both again and you won't be alone with the questions then! x
 

Leitch

Registered User
May 28, 2016
6
Hello Chrismitch

You are such an inspiration, it must be so very difficult my OH has not been diagnosed as he won't go to GP he is 60 and I feel when we have been away anywhere is it so much more stressful and lonely (well its lonely all the time) and he is more confused. it is so useful to hear other peoples experiences as I thought it was only me that had these feelings on holiday. The night away thing maybe I can handle. Take care of yourself x
 

Guzelle

Registered User
Aug 27, 2016
421
Sheffield
I've brought OH away on a fantastic holiday but I'm miserable and he doesn't know where he is.
After 4 days I tell him again where he is and he's amazed. How did we get here?
I have no one to talk to. He needs everything doing for him except spoon feeding. He is constantly asking questions. I know that's common but it's getting worse and after 7 years I'm getting tired. Taking his clothes off when it's time to go out. I can't go out for long alone. He doesn't know where the loo is. He will be 69 next week and is physically mobile.
At least at home we regularly meet people so I can have intelligent conversation.
The bars and restaurants are self service. How I would love to be waited on!
I just needed a moan. At least the weather is good. I know many people have a much harder time than me.
The last time I went away with my husband was 2013 to Tenerife, he was 78 and not diagnosed. He never stopped complaining about the entertainment and just about everything else. I couldn't enjoy anything! I haven't been abroad since it was too hard work. We have been on coach trips for a few days. We went for a week last summer to Bournemouth 2015 and he was terrible. He didn't like anybody the entertainment was rubbish I nearly came home as I had had enough.

I took him to the doctors when we got back he did tests and said there was nothing wrong with him. He was eventually diagnosed this August. We have been to warners holidays at nidd hall last year and this year but the last time he kept waking in the night not knowing where he was. Constantly complaining about the entertainment so I couldn't watch it either we sat in the quiet bar. Not sure if we shall go again. It's hard to know what to do. I have semi retired now as I am 58 and was hoping to go on a cruise as I have never been but I couldn't face taking him as he would ruin it for me.