1. MERENAME

    MERENAME Registered User

    Jun 4, 2013
    238
    scotland
    I'm due to go on holiday in a few weeks time. I really need the break but Mum's getting worse about being without me, even at the day centre she used to love.

    She just feels unsafe when I'm not around but it's suffocating me. I feel like I've completely lost my own life. I pretty much have.

    She has carers in twice a day to get her up then put her to bed and while I'm away they will be in during the day and will take her to her day centres and make her meals like I usually do.

    Without breaks I won't cope with the next leg of the journey but I'm worried that leaving her for a week will make the anxiety worse.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,552
    Female
    Scotland
    I know how this feeling of being trapped messes with your head. You have put in place all the care and safety you can and now you have to be a little hard headed in order to preserve your own well being and sanity.

    I haven't got the formula quite right for myself yet but I'm working on it. Ever the optimist!
     
  3. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013
    333
    rct
    Hi!..fitstly the mark of a good carer is one that knows how the person likes dislikes..when upset or unhappy..without them saying a word...this is from spending time with and learning as you go along...this is a credit to you...but its also your and mine and every other family carers downfall...and theres no other way to discribe than dependancy....and this puts major pressure on us and emotional strain on them...

    You need a break.....and maybe you could emotionally prepare her now..by..re iterating that someone will be filling in for you..and you will be fully in up to date with how she is....even if theres only carers as usual...make something out of it that sounds comforting...and reassuring..even if its a blurred version of the truth.....anxiety can be a communication issues...and as you understand each other as I said at the beginning...when the day centre or carers are communicating with her and talking or questioning her..she panics as you probably dont need to do that...too much..
    Imagine someone just conversing with you and the messages get jumbled...youd be panicky so would I...
    Its like a favourite jumper..comfy..reassuring..a security blanket and a comfort and always there....then all of a sudden its not there...if they live recalling the past and your roles are technically reversed...they might feel childlike...and upset if you leave them..maybe think how her mum wouldve dealth with leaving her when a child..if positive..might help.?.
    Just find that knowing where they are emotionally and in their memory period might help..
    Best wishes

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  4. MERENAME

    MERENAME Registered User

    Jun 4, 2013
    238
    scotland
    Thanks for your replies. I just needed to express my feelings. My ex partner died Jan 2013 from cancer and I feel like I've been struggling ever since. I really need some time to grieve properly. Both my Dad and Granny had dementia, Granny early onset alzheimer's for at least 25 years so I grew up around it and know how difficult it can be to be honest with someone with dementia without making things worse.
     

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