I moved back home a year ago to help my dad care for my mom who was diagnosed with dementia about 3 years ago. My dad is 81 & 10 years older than my mom. My mom had always done the cooking, cleaning, shopping, paying the bills while dad takes the garbage out & does all the yard work. It's been hard on dad so I moved back home & found a job close. Some days, or should I say, some minutes, mom is good & like she's always been. Then the next minute she grabs her plate of food & throws it outside & demands dad take her out to eat. Then the next day she's telling me how much she appreciates that I'm there & cooking for them, even though I made the exact same meal that she just threw out the door the day before. How do you handle that??
Hi, very new to all of this.
- Thread starter MissyBackHome
- Start date
Welcome to the forum @MissyBackHome.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom. It must be really hard for you and it’s so good that you have moved back home to help your dad.
I’m glad you’ve found this forum. You’ll find understanding and support here. I‘m sure as the day goes on members will give you their thoughts about the question you ask.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom. It must be really hard for you and it’s so good that you have moved back home to help your dad.
I’m glad you’ve found this forum. You’ll find understanding and support here. I‘m sure as the day goes on members will give you their thoughts about the question you ask.
You handlke it as well as you can @MissyBackHome.
Unpredictable behaviour is one of the symptoms of dementia and very hard to live with but even harder to change.
I hope you will find this forum helpful to realise many people will identify with you.
Hello you are a wonderful daughter to move back home to help your parents, it's incredibly hard to cope with the adverse behaviour from a loved one who once cared for you years ago. People have no idea how difficult it is and it seems to never end. It's good you have reached out to this group. Would your mum consider a group for those who have the same condition? It would give your Dad a bit of quality time alone to chill.
When my husband was at home l drew out charts with what our plans were, drew up images of how to get the clothes on in the correct order. I used to get him to write up menus for meals so he felt part of things.
I hear the frustration in your writing about the dinners , l understand the hopelessness when you are trying to do your best for your mum. You are not alone, we have all been through it. One thing l learned from the many mad things that happened in our house was not to fight every battle. Its the Dementia that is causing all the adverse behaviour not your mum, she's muddled and confused. And as said before you are a loving daughter to help your parents in these difficult days.
She may not even remember what she said the previous day. And taste of food changes as we get older so I have read.
Thank you, the ADRC in our area organizes lots of different events anywhere from just shopping trips to crafts but mom doesn't wanna do any of it cuz "it's a bunch of old people"....
Yeah, she usually doesn't remember, the problem is dad & I do & that makes it hard. We know it's the disease but it's still there.
