Good morning,
I have stumbled across this group, like many others I guess, while desperately searching for help with my mother-in-laws worsening dementia.
I would like to hear others stories in the hope there is someone in a similar situation that could give me an idea of where to turn too next...............
To give an overview of our current situation, my mother-in-law is 80 and was diagnosed a couple of years ago with early dementia. She lives with my father-in-law who is 85 and in relatively good health, or was!
As i'm sure is the same for lots of people here, her diagnosis wasn't a fast one and we spent at least a couple of years fighting to find out what was wrong with her.
We managed to get them to move home, closer to us, so we could support them, and for a short while that really helped.
Unfortunately, as her illness has worsened, she has at times become violent and almost always aggressive towards her husband and my wife, while at the same time not wanting to leave his side.
My wife has been there as much as she can, attending nurse assessment visits and providing respite for him but she herself has been living with metastatic cancer for 8 years and needs help herself. My MIL refuses to go to any groups and gets angry when its mentioned. For an easy life my FIL lets her have her way. The same goes for food, she says shes not hungry so he doesn't cook for her, even though we tell him to cook anyway and put it in front of her (When we do this she eats).
Things have come to a head the last couple of weeks, hence my search for help. My MIL has temporarily moved in with us while they are having their bathroom made more accessible. My FIL has stayed at home and is refusing to come and visit her saying he can't cope. My wife is exhausted and is in constant pain herself. My children (16,11) and I are trying our best to do what we can but she does not know us anymore and gets understandably anxious and scared when left with us. The only one she seems to remember without exception is our dog!
My FIL is now saying he doesn't want her to come back but has made it clear a care home is not an option. I have told my wife whatever she wants to happen I am fine with as we are lucky enough to have the space at home, but I know she doesn't have the strength to have her full time, even with us doing all we can. My wife is at breaking point and her dad is in hiding, I just don't know what to do to help.
For clarity. we are seeing a GP that just seems to want to fiddle with medication, my FIL refuses to see a doctor for his depression. And we have had nurse visits but my MIL seems to be able to act so normal when she is there (Not completely but enough) that even we wonder if shes faking the whole thing (We know she is not but its so hard to keep tracks of where her personality/ability is minute by minute)
Sorry this has gone on. I very much appreciate there are people in much more dire situations than us so I thank anyone that has taken the time to read this and can provide helpful info.
Many Thanks
I have stumbled across this group, like many others I guess, while desperately searching for help with my mother-in-laws worsening dementia.
I would like to hear others stories in the hope there is someone in a similar situation that could give me an idea of where to turn too next...............
To give an overview of our current situation, my mother-in-law is 80 and was diagnosed a couple of years ago with early dementia. She lives with my father-in-law who is 85 and in relatively good health, or was!
As i'm sure is the same for lots of people here, her diagnosis wasn't a fast one and we spent at least a couple of years fighting to find out what was wrong with her.
We managed to get them to move home, closer to us, so we could support them, and for a short while that really helped.
Unfortunately, as her illness has worsened, she has at times become violent and almost always aggressive towards her husband and my wife, while at the same time not wanting to leave his side.
My wife has been there as much as she can, attending nurse assessment visits and providing respite for him but she herself has been living with metastatic cancer for 8 years and needs help herself. My MIL refuses to go to any groups and gets angry when its mentioned. For an easy life my FIL lets her have her way. The same goes for food, she says shes not hungry so he doesn't cook for her, even though we tell him to cook anyway and put it in front of her (When we do this she eats).
Things have come to a head the last couple of weeks, hence my search for help. My MIL has temporarily moved in with us while they are having their bathroom made more accessible. My FIL has stayed at home and is refusing to come and visit her saying he can't cope. My wife is exhausted and is in constant pain herself. My children (16,11) and I are trying our best to do what we can but she does not know us anymore and gets understandably anxious and scared when left with us. The only one she seems to remember without exception is our dog!
My FIL is now saying he doesn't want her to come back but has made it clear a care home is not an option. I have told my wife whatever she wants to happen I am fine with as we are lucky enough to have the space at home, but I know she doesn't have the strength to have her full time, even with us doing all we can. My wife is at breaking point and her dad is in hiding, I just don't know what to do to help.
For clarity. we are seeing a GP that just seems to want to fiddle with medication, my FIL refuses to see a doctor for his depression. And we have had nurse visits but my MIL seems to be able to act so normal when she is there (Not completely but enough) that even we wonder if shes faking the whole thing (We know she is not but its so hard to keep tracks of where her personality/ability is minute by minute)
Sorry this has gone on. I very much appreciate there are people in much more dire situations than us so I thank anyone that has taken the time to read this and can provide helpful info.
Many Thanks
