Hi all

[Billyred]

Hi everyone.
I am looking for any coping mechanisms for a parent who has advanced dementia and is now in the stage where she is very agitated and keeps wanting to "go home" - the old family home she left in Ireland over 60 years ago. She has lived in Manchester all her life since leaving Ireland. I am at the point where I don't know what to do or say to reduce her agitation. Any support or advice would be appreciated.
Many thanks

Billyred

 

[Kevinl]

Hiya from me, current greater Manchester resident, dad from Ireland and mom from the USA. It's strange how people regress to their place of birth no matter how long ago they left. K

 

[Billyred]

Thanks for the welcome Kevin, neighbour.
I know the regression is something a lot of people experience. Just need to find a way of dealing with it to try and calm Mum down.

 

[Jake's Nan]

Hi, does the agitation last a long time or even make her try leave the home? Maybe get advice from her doctor I know they sometimes prescribe medication for this. It is very difficult to deal with does music or the TV help?

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Billyred and welcome to the Forum, our friendly and helpful community of members who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about situation, which in fact seems very common in people with dementia. That doesn't mean that anyone has found a good solution. As with any other obsession, it seems best to be low key. If you can't simply say nothing (not always possible), trying to find a form of words that is both reassuring and non-committal may help. Not dwelling on it and changing the subject may sometimes work. But I am afraid that distraction is not always easy.

 

[Billyred]

Hi, does the agitation last a long time or even make her try leave the home? Maybe get advice from her doctor I know they sometimes prescribe medication for this. It is very difficult to deal with does music or the TV help?

Thank you so much for your reply. The Dementia Nurse is visiting this week and we are going to ask about any possible medication to reduce the agitation and anxiety. Sometimes putting the Irish News on the TV does help distract her, but that can be hit and miss. I know everything is pretty much hit and miss with dementia - its such a horrible illness!

 

[Billyred]

Hi @Billyred and welcome to the Forum, our friendly and helpful community of members who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about situation, which in fact seems very common in people with dementia. That doesn't mean that anyone has found a good solution. As with any other obsession, it seems best to be low key. If you can't simply say nothing (not always possible), trying to find a form of words that is both reassuring and non-committal may help. Not dwelling on it and changing the subject may sometimes work. But I am afraid that distraction is not always easy.

Thank you so much for welcoming me and taking the time to reply.
We try to be very non-committal and to distract her, but as you say, this isn't always easy - yesterday we told her she couldn't go back to Ireland as the weather was bad and they had cancelled the boats. I know there is no magic formula for supporting and dealing with people with dementia, but sometimes the feeling of helplessness to know what to do can be overwhelming. It is reassuring to know that we are doing what people are recommending though.