Hi all im new here would like some advice...

[kimnjohn69]

Hi All,
im new here.My mum is 89 and has stage 5 dementia and severe heart failure and diabetes,and other health problems.
My sister and I have a POA for finances, jointly.
My sister lives with my mum and dad,who's 84,with health conditions.
My sister is carer for mymum, I was going in,in mornings for morning wash and change,but me and her argue continuously, my sister is very controlling.has previously,changed medication without consulting with Dr,she is always telling my Dad what he can't and can do, she has mum and Dad's bank accounts on her phone. My mum has some savings,and I have asked numerous times for a total of this,and she makes excuses, telling me my dad said he don't want me knowing,but it's a lie, my dad has said he didn't say anything of the sort.me and her don't talk as it got very nasty between us so I stopped the caring for my mum.I try to go up there, but my sister is very manipulative, telling my daughter when I can and can't go up there. She has stopped outside carers going in to mum, getting my daughters to do the caring with my sister. My question is,is, do I have rights to go into my parents home and access the money to be counted.Also my sister has changed my mums funeral plan,it was agreed mum and Dad would both be cremated together, but my sister had changed mums to burial, saying my mums savings is for mums burial, but my dad has said the money isn't for that it's for the family.My dad is scared of my sister, she tells him not to talk to drs or anyone about what happens in there house.Any advice would be grateful thanks Kim

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome to the Dementia Support Forum @kimnjohn69

So many families fall out when it comes to managing their parents' affairs, especially the financial affairs when a POA is in place.

If your sister won`t allow you access to information, it sounds like she has to be in control of the situation.

It might help you to phone the support line for the best advice.

dementia-support-line

That your sister has changed medication without doctor`s advice is worrying. I think I would contact the doctor and check what`s happening. If you both have the POA you are entitled to information in the best interests of your parent. If you phone the helpline it might help to mention the change in medication. It could have serious effects.

 

[kimnjohn69]

Thank you I have contacted the GP and pallative care team, district nurses, on numerous occasions, but none have done anything.i raised concern with the carers network, and a safe guarding referal was under investigation but nothing came of it.Our Gp seems to negotiate with my sister on medication and the gp knows how much she controls my parents with the whole situation

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

You are joint PoA with your sister so you have exactly the same rights as she does which includes overseeing their finances.

Tell her that unless she allows you access you will report her to the Office of the Public Guardian.

My brother tried this saying Mum and Dad didn't want me to know about their financial affairs. This was absolutely not true and mum had appointed us joint PoA after my dad died, long before she got dementia. I had to threaten to report him to the OPG before he would share information.

You have rights in this situation - use them.

 

[kimnjohn69]

Thank you for your reply, I will try that approach, as we do not talk unless my mum is unwell.