Helping deal with anxiety

[Skylark/2]

Good Morning,
Apologies for having to give the following information.
My O.H has had constipation issues for a long time, resulting in a haemorroidectomy a couple of months ago. He use to use 1 Laxido sachet daily, then the g.p recommended up to 3 sachets a day plus a couple of senna tablets when needed whilst waiting for the operation.
The op. went well but since then ( now a number of weeks ) he gets extremely anxious if he is not going every day, says he feels bunged up. Consequently he is taking Laxido and senna every day, expecting instant results. At some point In the day this will result in diarhrea, O.H is sometimes concerned about this but won’t ease up on taking the laxatives! I feel as though he is in a vicious circle and his body will get to be dependent on taking laxatives. If I suggest not taking the laxatives for a few days, he says I am uncaring and takes them anyway! I have tried hiding the damn sachets etc., but he insists I give them back to him.
He has really made himself very anxious about this. Any suggestions please.
He has being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for about 2+ years and I think/imagine? there has been a deterioration in the last few months.

 

[Suzysheep01]

Taking laxido every day should be ok long term. As someone who has suffered a lot of gastric/ anal pain and surgeries I can completely understand your husband’s reluctance to ever get constipated again!! The pain is really something else.
speak to his dr if you are worried About dependence, but as my understanding goes laxido is an osmotic , it just passes through drawing moisture from the bowel thus keeping the stool soft…whereas the senna produces the contraction in the bowel to move stools along. I think the senna one is not so good long term, but laxido at the right dose is fine. Try adjusting the dose of laxido… if he’s on 2 sachets try 1 1/2. 3 is a bit excessive long term.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Skylark/2

If you are so concerned about regular doses of a laxative could you persuade your OH porridge and prunes taken daily could be just as effective?

 

[Skylark/2]

Thanks for replying@Suzysheep01 and @Grannie G.
The g.p only suggested up to 3 Laxido a day in the short term but O.H is convinced it’s to be taken regularly with senna long term!
I have tried going down the porridge and prunes route, husband refuses as ‘ don’t like them, horse food’. It’s like dealing with a 6 ft infant!
So far this a.m all we have talked about is his bowel habits!

 

[SeaSwallow]

Thanks for replying@Suzysheep01 and @Grannie G.
The g.p only suggested up to 3 Laxido a day in the short term but O.H is convinced it’s to be taken regularly with senna long term!
I have tried going down the porridge and prunes route, husband refuses as ‘ don’t like them, horse food’. It’s like dealing with a 6 ft infant!
So far this a.m all we have talked about is his bowel habits!

I am sorry @Skylark/2 because I smiled at your last line, it sounded so familiar.

 

[Skylark/2]

A sorry update as the day has progressed.
The senna worked its magic, all o.k by lunchtime but O.H had taken a Laxido 5 mins before he needed the toilet. I said don’t be surprised if you need to go again when the Laxido starts to work. Wrong remark! Was told I didn’t know what Iwas talking about and it escalated from there.
I confess I lost my temper with him, I can’t do anything right at the moment, damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Eventually he went out, I heard a car door slam, thought he was going to drive ( he’s no longer allowed ) and went into the hall with the intention of stopping him driving away but he walked back in……….and went ballistic. So abusive, pushing down the hall, into the living room and over into various chairs when I tried to leave. He demanded my car keys, I couldn’t give them to him fast enough to he took the house keys too. I was asking him to leave me alone, but he was grabbing me by my gilet, face to face with his fist raised. It was frightening and I‘m ashamed to say I grabbed his hand and accidentally scratched his hand with my nails. This made him even more angry and he smeared my face with his bloodied hand.I am so upset about the whole episode, but know he is saying he will use the injuries against me, saying I attacked him and I’m unstable! He says because he didn’t hit me, the pushing, shoving, threatening manner means nothing.
This is not the first time he has reacted in this manner, but I am convinced he doesn’t know who I am when he is acting in this way
Nothing, no strategy, works when he is like this.
Can’t express my feelings, just wondering what the weekend will bring…….apart from our flu jab tomorrow! It’s a lonely battle, presenting to the outside world that everything is hunky dorey

 

[SeaSwallow]

A sorry update as the day has progressed.
The senna worked its magic, all o.k by lunchtime but O.H had taken a Laxido 5 mins before he needed the toilet. I said don’t be surprised if you need to go again when the Laxido starts to work. Wrong remark! Was told I didn’t know what Iwas talking about and it escalated from there.
I confess I lost my temper with him, I can’t do anything right at the moment, damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Eventually he went out, I heard a car door slam, thought he was going to drive ( he’s no longer allowed ) and went into the hall with the intention of stopping him driving away but he walked back in……….and went ballistic. So abusive, pushing down the hall, into the living room and over into various chairs when I tried to leave. He demanded my car keys, I couldn’t give them to him fast enough to he took the house keys too. I was asking him to leave me alone, but he was grabbing me by my gilet, face to face with his fist raised. It was frightening and I‘m ashamed to say I grabbed his hand and accidentally scratched his hand with my nails. This made him even more angry and he smeared my face with his bloodied hand.I am so upset about the whole episode, but know he is saying he will use the injuries against me, saying I attacked him and I’m unstable! He says because he didn’t hit me, the pushing, shoving, threatening manner means nothing.
This is not the first time he has reacted in this manner, but I am convinced he doesn’t know who I am when he is acting in this way
Nothing, no strategy, works when he is like this.
Can’t express my feelings, just wondering what the weekend will bring…….apart from our flu jab tomorrow! It’s a lonely battle, presenting to the outside world that everything is hunky dorey

@Skylark/2 You cannot go on like this. Please contact adult social services and your GP to explain what is going on. Always keep a fully charged mobile with you and if you ever feel in danger, call the police.

 

[Suzysheep01]

A sorry update as the day has progressed.
The senna worked its magic, all o.k by lunchtime but O.H had taken a Laxido 5 mins before he needed the toilet. I said don’t be surprised if you need to go again when the Laxido starts to work. Wrong remark! Was told I didn’t know what Iwas talking about and it escalated from there.
I confess I lost my temper with him, I can’t do anything right at the moment, damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Eventually he went out, I heard a car door slam, thought he was going to drive ( he’s no longer allowed ) and went into the hall with the intention of stopping him driving away but he walked back in……….and went ballistic. So abusive, pushing down the hall, into the living room and over into various chairs when I tried to leave. He demanded my car keys, I couldn’t give them to him fast enough to he took the house keys too. I was asking him to leave me alone, but he was grabbing me by my gilet, face to face with his fist raised. It was frightening and I‘m ashamed to say I grabbed his hand and accidentally scratched his hand with my nails. This made him even more angry and he smeared my face with his bloodied hand.I am so upset about the whole episode, but know he is saying he will use the injuries against me, saying I attacked him and I’m unstable! He says because he didn’t hit me, the pushing, shoving, threatening manner means nothing.
This is not the first time he has reacted in this manner, but I am convinced he doesn’t know who I am when he is acting in this way
Nothing, no strategy, works when he is like this.
Can’t express my feelings, just wondering what the weekend will bring…….apart from our flu jab tomorrow! It’s a lonely battle, presenting to the outside world that everything is hunky dorey

That sounds absolutely terrifying. Please let the dr and social services know. I really hope things calmed down.

 

[jennifer1967]

could you put a house key and car key at a different place eg. a neighbour so you dont have to worry about oh getting the keys. phone the police if you feel in danger. dont feel guilty or feel you have to justify why he has a scratch on his hand. phone the doctor as well so they are aware and maybe meds review.

 

[Skylark/2]

Thank you everyone for your support on what was a scary event yesterday
@jennifer1967 , I keep a spare front door key at my SIL’s house, keep my phone fully charged and he has a review next month at the memory clinic, I shall voice my concerns that Donepezil doesn’t seem to be helping anymore and what could they suggest.
After he had calmed down yesterday, he heard me crying upstairs whilst searching for plasters for his scratched hand. He was concerned and asked ‘ Why are you crying love’. What can I say, nothing that would make any sense to him.
In the evening he was asking ‘ are you staying here’ and ‘ where are you sleeping’, ’ Who else is here’ etc., Totally confused. I am feeling overwhelmed and so sad, we are both struggling with this horrible disease. We are both 77, married for 53 years but I am totally on my own ( apart from you supportive, compassionate people) with no help from so called friends and family.
Growing old is not for wimps!!

 

[Suzysheep01]

It sounds utterly heartbreaking for you skylark. I can’t imagine how hard it is. Do you have family that could help?

my mum is my PWD. It’s really surprised me how many of her friends have dropped off the face of the earth. Unfortunately I had to move mum to a nursing home, but I struggled along for a few years with no help from my sibling.

you are right, it’s not for the faint hearted.

 

[Skylark/2]

It sounds utterly heartbreaking for you skylark. I can’t imagine how hard it is. Do you have family that could help?

my mum is my PWD. It’s really surprised me how many of her friends have dropped off the face of the earth. Unfortunately I had to move mum to a nursing home, but I struggled along for a few years with no help from my sibling.

you are right, it’s not for the faint hearted.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it.
Answering your question re family help. I myself have no family now, no siblings, cousins have died etc.,
My husband has a sister who lives 5 minutes walk away, a brother who lives in Devon and who never contacts us, asks how we are managing etc., The sister who lives just around the corner never phones, pops around etc., Occasionally I pop around to see her, invite her to celebrate her brother’s birthday, etc.,She has 3 children, only one sends the odd text or knocks on the door, the other 2, we haven’t seen since before Covid inspite of them living very close by. One of them is a nurse, where is her caring and compassion?
We have 2 sons, one lives in the U.S and Skypes every week, the other one lives about 1.5 hours drive away. He phones every Sunday for literally 2 or 3 minutes and we last saw him, his wife and our 2 grandchildren on my husband’s birthday back in July. I tell myself they have their own busy lives but I confess I am disappointed by the lack of contact.
So there you have it, it’s almost as though family think dementia is contagious, I don’t understand and so we battle on.

 

[Suzysheep01]

I really don’t think people get it. If they haven’t lived with someone with dementia they have no idea just how exhausting it really is.
im sorry your family aren’t pulling together to help. If it’s any consolation it seems that it’s very common that it’s left to just one person. I’m that one person. My brother ( a healthcare worker) has really left everything to me. Even when asked to help in the early days he had every excuse not to be available. he lives locally so that wasn’t even a barrier.
have you been brutally honest with your sons? Have you told them that their father is getting highly strung and aggressive with you? Maybe if not, you ought to. I myself have 3 sons. If you don’t spell it out to them ( only the eldest, the youngest has autism and a learning disability ) then they won’t twig they need to help with something.