Help with what 2 say

[David975]

Hi All,

First time on 2day so please bear with me - my mother has mixed dementia age 86, she lives in her own home, with Homecare coming in 7 days a wk, mainly 2 give her "Dementia tablets" about 2 months ago we had to have her gas cooker switched off 4 her own safety, we tried 2 explain what was going on but all she ever did was laugh about it, we'll now I think it's sunk in and she's going mad about it, she's said she wants 2 die & life's not worth living etc, I can't seem 2 get her 2 understand its 4 her own safety.

The Memory Clinic have told her, her own Doctor has told her in fact most people she knows have told her its 4 her own safety, she now won't let the carers cook in the microwave oven as she hates it, I'm worried for her own well being. At the moment she blames me & tells me what a wicked man I am (That's putting it mildly lol) and that I want her to die. I've been told that its the Dementia talking & not her and that she will in the end forget all about the cooker being switched off. It's got to the stage now where I always used to telephone her each day but the last few times she's been so upset and mad at me that she's put the fone down, I've left it for a few days then rang her but she's still mad at me so I think I'll leave it for a few days and hope she forgets or maybe ring me as if nothing else has happened.

My question to you is has anybody else had problems with have to having to switch there gas cooker off and had a very negative response? Maybe they can suggest some other ideas of what 2 say or do.

I live over 300 miles away from my mums so it's not as if I can just pop in, I have POA on my mother and look after her affairs via online etc, which seems 2 b working as its taken the pressure off her.

Regards,

David

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Hi David, and welcome.

I've not had this experience but it may be necessary to start Little White Lies. They are a way of helping your mum to feel she's maintaining some control in her life. It must feel dreadful to be aware of these losses. Perhaps say it's been playing up and it's awaiting repairs, and disconnected as a safety requirement. After a while she may forget that she ever used it, sad but a little easier.

Take care, Stephanie

 

[Jess26]

Hi All,

First time on 2day so please bear with me - my mother has mixed dementia age 86, she lives in her own home, with Homecare coming in 7 days a wk, mainly 2 give her "Dementia tablets" about 2 months ago we had to have her gas cooker switched off 4 her own safety, we tried 2 explain what was going on but all she ever did was laugh about it, we'll now I think it's sunk in and she's going mad about it, she's said she wants 2 die & life's not worth living etc, I can't seem 2 get her 2 understand its 4 her own safety.

The Memory Clinic have told her, her own Doctor has told her in fact most people she knows have told her its 4 her own safety, she now won't let the carers cook in the microwave oven as she hates it, I'm worried for her own well being. At the moment she blames me & tells me what a wicked man I am (That's putting it mildly lol) and that I want her to die. I've been told that its the Dementia talking & not her and that she will in the end forget all about the cooker being switched off. It's got to the stage now where I always used to telephone her each day but the last few times she's been so upset and mad at me that she's put the fone down, I've left it for a few days then rang her but she's still mad at me so I think I'll leave it for a few days and hope she forgets or maybe ring me as if nothing else has happened.

My question to you is has anybody else had problems with have to having to switch there gas cooker off and had a very negative response? Maybe they can suggest some other ideas of what 2 say or do.

I live over 300 miles away from my mums so it's not as if I can just pop in, I have POA on my mother and look after her affairs via online etc, which seems 2 b working as its taken the pressure off her.

Regards,

David

Sorry to quote your post back at you but for some reason it won't let me do otherwise.
Welcome to TP I'm sorry you have the need to be here. You will find everyone supportive helpful and non judgemental. So feel free to rant any time.
As to your current problem. I'm affraid I don't have any suggestions. We had to cut of mum's cooker, hide the toaster and the microwave. (carers used these) but fortunatey we were able to do this with no fuss from mum. I hope things settle soon for you

 

[jeany123]

Hello David and Welcome to talking Point,

If i were you I would refuse to discuss it and change the subject every time she mentions it, have a list of things to talk about and if she brings the cooker up again just ignore it as if she had never mentioned it and go on talking about something on your list, I know this isn't easy but hopefully she will forget about it ,you might have to say I have to go now mum and gently hang up if she refuses to be swayed, you can always ring back later and start again,

Best wishes Jeany x

Jesse 2 click on the grey(reply to thread) at the bottom left of the page to reply without quoting,

 

[stillcaring]

we moved my mum to be nearer us because of her dementia and 'forgot' to bring the gas cooker. 6 years on she's using the electric cooker that was already in the new house. Every time we go out she goes back to the kitchen about 6 times to check the 'gas' is off, but at least she can't gas herself....

She also won't hear of using a microwave and is convinced the food wouldn't be cooked.

I also cared for my aunt - I did use a microwave for heating ready meals for her but had to lie about it and have the cooker on for show as she too wouldn't eat if she thought it was microwaved.

Or as a last resort just give her cold food - salad, sandwiches, cold pies, - if she's very confused maybe it could always be monday and you're using up what's left from the sunday joint? so long as it's a balanced diet that should be fine....

 

[janma221]

Hi, my mother stopped using her cooker saying it didn't work, along with her cd/dvd player, toaster etc. It seemed as if anything she couldn't work out anymore was not working. One day she put a pan on the cooker after 2 years of not using it and the carer came in just in time fortunately. She told my Mum the cooker was dangerous so she was switching it off, so far the cooker has stayed off. Funny although she swore blind the toaster didn't work (I managed it fine), she bought a cheap one from T----o and says it works! Funny illness no rhyme or reason. She is on about buying a car she is 85 with AZ so contacting DVLA to get her licence revoked now.
Take care
Jan

 

[Anongirl]

Hi David. I had the same situation. Mum left the gas on three times in a row and luckily the carer came and discovered it each time. Mum was furious at first ("how dare she come in and mess with my cooker!"). I told her to stop using it and got the carers to do a microwave meal for her each evening. At first she said I was treating her like an imbecile but as time has gone on she's starting to accept it. She does sometimes say she's had enough of it all but I just tell her I'm doing all this to make life easier for her.

She's just had a kitchen fitted and I've asked them to disconnect the gas and after a lot of persuasion have managed to talk her into getting rid of the cooker. She told me today that it makes her sad to get rid of it but that's only because its another reminder of her losing her independence.

She only seems to stay angry for a short time. Mostly it's frustration. I think white lies and distraction are key. I told mum we will replace it with a nice fridge and give her more space. We'll have to see how that goes!

Good luck x

 

[Barney22]

Hi David

Same with us.....MIL lives alone and is a heavy smoker. She was lighting her cigarettes from the gas cooker and on a number of occasions she left the gas on (not igniting the flame). We disconnected the cooker and told her that a part was on back order as it was defective. She hasn't cooked for over four years now......that was before we disconnected the cooker....but even now she mentions very occasionally that she has cooked a fry, boiled an egg etc......but mostly she does not refer to the cooker at all.

She has care workers come in to wash and dress her first thing as well as give her breakfast. She does have a toaster but does not know how to use it.....we as a family call every tea time with a meal which we heat in the microwave.....I don't think she likes this idea at all.....but we just get on with it and present her with a meal....which for the most part she does eat.

In fact her ability to use all the household gadgets has left her now...e.g. Washing machine, microwave etc

No answers I'm afraid......just adding our experience to the mix for you to think about. At not time did we mention anything being for her own safety but just that the cooker needed a part which was on order.

Regards

Barney

 

[pippop1]

We had MIL's gas cooker cut off as she would sit and play with it turning it on and off an forgetting to press the ignite button. Room would smell of gas when we visited. Then one day a carer phoned to say MIL had "boiled" her plastic kettle on the gas hob and it had melted.

I went there to sort it all out and took bars with melted plastic on them to clean. She was v cross that I was taking her cooker. We had the gas cut off after that. We told her that they were getting a new part and put a notice on the hob "Dangerous - do not use". We are still "waiting" for that part.