Help with urgent move into care

[Millie G]

Hi all,
I'm new here and this is my first post to any forum so please excuse me if I fumble with the etiquette or thread placement
My Dad has mid stage AD and my Mum, his carer, has been stretched pretty much to her limit over the last few months.

Our family has just been rocked by the news that she is very seriously ill and needs surgery in a couple of weeks. If successful this will require months of recouperation. Her diagnosis alone has left us all a bit traumatised (which sees me writing this in the middle of the night) but we now have the very pressing concern of what to do about Dad.

There is no way Mum can continue to care for him and as he's been getting very adversarial the stress of having him at home will seriously affect her ability to recover even if we had help in. So we need to find a care/nursing home for him extremely urgently. He is going to be devistated by Mum's diagnosis if he can comprehend it and going into a home will be really distressing for him. I'm sure his going to resist it vigarously if he understands what's going on.

Any advise on how to go about this, how to avoid any pitfalls and how to help the transition would be greatly appreciated. We were only just starting to think about care so we're woefully underprepared.

We want the best care possible for Dad and are really worried that the only homes available on short notice will be awful. Is it ok to ask for home recommendations via PM? If so, I'd love to hear of some good facilities on the Wirral or near Chester or Liverpool.

Sorry for the length of this post! Thank you so much for any help you can offer.
Millie

 

[Izzy]

Good morning and welcome to TP.

I'm sorry to read of your situation. It must be such a worry for you. I have no experience of care himes but many other members do and I'm sure you will get lots of help and support here. In the meantime I wondered if this fact sheet would be of any help-

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=150

 

[grove]

Morning

Millie , So sorry too read your Mother is needing a urgent Operation. Sending lots of strength , Support & Hugs in the days & weeks too come.



Am sorry am not able too help with the Care Home question How ever. I do work in a Specialist Dementia Unit so might be able too help you in knowing what too ask the manager etc. When you go and visit. A C H.or N H.

Good Luck. ( also pushing your thread up for you )

Wishing your Father a good move into the. C H.

Thinking of you all

Love. Grove. X

 

[grove]

P. S

Millie. Sorry. Meant too add. I would advise write down any questions for. C H staff plus points about your. Dad e g. Does he like peace and quiet. Does he wake up in the night. Etc.

Also. Age .UK do a brilliant.fact. sheet with lots of pointers on what too look out for in a C H

The idea is you print it out. & take it with you.

Hope this. Helps.


Grove. X

 

[stanleypj]

So sorry to hear about this emergency.

I think grove is referring to Factsheet 29 (Finding Care Home Accommodation) on this link:

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/publications/age-uk-information-guides-and-factsheets/

 

[Chemmy]

I'm sorry to hear you are having to deal with what must be a very stressful situation.

In the first instance, perhaps what your dad needs is a respite bed. Some homes keep these available for emergency placements. That way you are not committing him long term before you have had a chance to look for a possibly permanent placement.

It might not be ideal but neither is suddenly being admitted into a hospital ward and for some reason, that rarely seems to result in the same amount of guilt and distress that admission to a CH generates, even when in the latter you have your own room and better food. Perhaps you can sell it to him as a temporary convalescent home whilst your mum is in hospital - that often has very different and more acceptable connotations for his generation.

The local Alzheimer's Society branch might be able to point you in the direction of homes which accept dementia patients and give you more localised advice. Details can be found here

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/...D=200121&_ga=1.52199082.2019266660.1445544621

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

PS I hope you don't mind me highlighting your thread as an example for the need for 'what if?' planning. As you said yourself, as so often happens, you thought you had more time to get plans in place, but circumstances often change very rapidly and it turns into a crisis situation.

Everyone in a similar situation should perhaps take time to consider what will happen if the primary carer is out of action for whatever reason and have a back up plan in place.

 

[sue38]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Sadly it is often a crisis that leads to having to find a care home at short notice.

The starting point is to find a list of care homes in your area that accepts residents with dementia. The CQC has a search facility which you can find >here<.

You then need to do a bit of leg work, ringing around to see if they have vacancies and then going to visit them. As others have suggested get a checklist of things to ask and take it with you.

I'm assuming that your dad will be self funding. If you're not sure take a look at the factsheet >Paying for Care and Support in England<. The rules are different in Wales, so do bear that in mind if you're looking at Care Homes in Wales.

The Upper savings threshold in England (above which the person has to pay all their costs) is £23,250.

Lower savings threshold in England (below which a person's savings are no longer taken into account, although all other income including benefits and pensions is still counted) is £14,250.

In Wales, the upper savings threshold is £24,000. There is no lower savings threshold.

If you think your dad might qualify for funding get in touch with Social Services as soon as possible - sometimes the wheels can move quite slowly.

We don't allow the naming of Care Homes on the forum, but members can PM you with suggestions. Do bear in mind that the quality of care offered by a particular care home can vary over time.

Lastly please do keep posting here - there are no stupid questions, we have all been here as new members at one time or another .

 

[annierich]

Hi all,
I'm new here and this is my first post to any forum so please excuse me if I fumble with the etiquette or thread placement
My Dad has mid stage AD and my Mum, his carer, has been stretched pretty much to her limit over the last few months.

Our family has just been rocked by the news that she is very seriously ill and needs surgery in a couple of weeks. If successful this will require months of recouperation. Her diagnosis alone has left us all a bit traumatised (which sees me writing this in the middle of the night) but we now have the very pressing concern of what to do about Dad.

There is no way Mum can continue to care for him and as he's been getting very adversarial the stress of having him at home will seriously affect her ability to recover even if we had help in. So we need to find a care/nursing home for him extremely urgently. He is going to be devistated by Mum's diagnosis if he can comprehend it and going into a home will be really distressing for him. I'm sure his going to resist it vigarously if he understands what's going on.

Any advise on how to go about this, how to avoid any pitfalls and how to help the transition would be greatly appreciated. We were only just starting to think about care so we're woefully underprepared.

We want the best care possible for Dad and are really worried that the only homes available on short notice will be awful. Is it ok to ask for home recommendations via PM? If so, I'd love to hear of some good facilities on the Wirral or near Chester or Liverpool.

Sorry for the length of this post! Thank you so much for any help you can offer.
Millie

What a horrible situation for you all. Can I suggest that maybe a little 'love lie' might be best in this situation, if you think your dad might not be able to understand your mum's diagnosis. Could you perhaps tell him, after you have found a suitable care home / respite place, that your mum needs a little operation and some time to recover afterwards hence he will be having a little holiday. You don't need to upset him with all of the truth. If he needs to stay longer because your mum can no longer care for him he may well not remember why he went into the care home in the first place.

 

[LadyA]

Definitely the best course.
Your family has a lot on your plates now, so putting things in place for your dad is a good step in the right direction. And it will be a worry off your mum's mind too.

Do keep posting, and let us know how you are getting on.

 

[jugglingmum]

I assume you are self funding, and will be able to proceed without social worker input.

I live in Ellesmere Port, and know some details of a couple of homes, near me, if that is the right sort of area. My mum is in sheltered extra care, not needing a care home yet, but I know details of homes used by a colleague at short notice. I am in work at the moment, and will try and pm you later when I am home (children taxi duties tonight).

If you say what area of the Wirral you are after I could see what else I can dig up.

 

[fizzie]

I would start off with my carers cafe and get local info from the locals who will tell you what's what - the kind of information you will never see written down, when i had that list I would look at the CQC reports and probably wouldn't look at anything that was less than good in all 5 categories.
Then I would physically go and look - don't book at appointment go unannounced and preferably go at a couple of different times a day and I would take with me this checklist
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/home-and-care/care-homes/care-home-checklist/location-and-building/

Good luck and take care

 

[Mccluskey]

emergency care

Just to let you know, we too were faced in a similar situation and were given less than 24 hours to find respite care for my dad. Because of the emergency of the situation, we had to call social services and were allocated a social worker who luckily was very proactive and offered fantastic suppor: I would break down on the phone to her and she would come straight round to see me.
The availability of placements is a worry. You need to have your dad assessed to see if he needs residential or nursing care: my dad had middle stage dementia but also diabetes so it was deemed necessary for him to have nursing care: that along with the fact that some homes don't take dementia patients meant we had a choice of three homes with availability. I would research homes and then phone to check bed availability rather than look round and decide on placement to be told there isn't a bed available.
Each home sets its own weekly top up fee. This varies from £0 to £ 75 plus and must be paid by from family funds. The first three weeks can be based on respite care prices ( cheaper than long term). You will then have a funding meeting where all financial documents need to be provided. If your mum is over 65 and living in the family home, they cannot take property values into account. However should she no longer live in the house, it could then be used for funding.
Hope the above helps x